When You Weren't With Me - Time

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a selection from a short story novel I'm writing. It's about love and it's ability to work on the human mind.

Submitted: March 01, 2008

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Submitted: March 01, 2008

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She was certainly one of the most beautiful things that my eyes had ever gazed upon.The classic look suited her well, but she wore slight flairs to make it her own.Her blonde hair, not long but short, but not too short, was shoulder length.Her eyes were green like an ocean floor.And I was a diver.

She was far more interesting that I can even begin to explain or portray.Far more deep delving than her friends and company she kept.I think that’s probably the reason that I was the most attracted to her.She defiantly had suitors who were of a higher caliber than I could have hoped to ever be.And she continually took them up on their offers to dances or Sonics or what-have-you’s.I was just too nervous was the problem.That’s not to say that we weren’t friends, and good ones at that.It’s just that I was never sure if she thought of me in the same glorifying way that I thought of her.Did she lose her thought when I entered or left a room?Did she forget to breathe when I spoke to her?It’s doubtful.She had her mind in other places until the day I spoke up.

I had had enough of my longing for someone that I was so uncertain of.So fed up with my own idea of what was going on in our lives that it took hold of tongue and forced the words through my teeth.We were only 17 and she was sole reason for me to get up and pack my bags for school in the morning.And this morning, this particularly rustic, rainy morning, I had it in my head that I was going to figure her out by the end of the day.It only took me as long as our second class.I grabbed her on her way out and opened my heart to cover her.

“I’ve loved you longer than I can begin to imagine.I can’t stop thinking of you and I’m certain that you’re the reason I’ve got these bags under my eyes.You haunt my dreams and embarrass me to no end with my family.I’ve got to know if you feel the same.I’ve watched you and listened to you talk for years. Please, ease my heart and mind.Tell me you love me and that you feel the same.”

She wasn’t speechless like I had planned.In fact it was quite the opposite.She had the same words planned for me but never knew when the right time would be.It was fate, if I ever believed there was such a thing.She took my hand and placed it upon her breast so that I could feel her heart pace.It was at ease.

“I’ve waited for you to say those things for years.I thought it was dumb and fanatical for me to believe that I could truly have these feelings from such a young age.How can I being to justify the idea that you are for me, when I haven’t even begun to live my life as a true person?The only thing that’s stopped me from taking your arm like you’ve done now is that I was scared.I was scared of what it meant for me to feel this way for so long.I was scared of what it’d mean if you didn’t feel the same.”

She then took her hand and placed it upon my breast.I was racing like a horse and she smiled.She knew what she could do to me, but yet she was just as frightened as I was.

We stood in the cleaner drenched halls for hours in our minds, holding each others hearts in our hands.Trusting one another to keep the other safe.We became a fire.We spread through the halls on a dry wind.

We were the others reason for being.We kept our idea of reality in tact.We kept each other up nightly, passing laughs and ‘love you’s’ through the phone lines until they broke and shocked and fell to the streets below.We were a plague passing through others relationships.We were the reason for living to some and the reason for despise to others, but we lived our lives for the other and that was enough.

We grew old.We held each other every day.Through college, we braved mountain passes to make love in empty rooms.We moved to the foot of mountain, in a small house that I had built.Our books piled high around us as we lay naked on the rugged floor.We grew old.

We’d hike the mountain daily and take each other in one another at the top where we touched God.It was a wonderful life we led.Poetic and Shakespearian, we were the idea of true love.And when the day came that we were too old to move, too old to hold our chests up with breathe, we closed our eyes and pressed our minds as hard as we could.We thought back to that day in the hall, to the day we expressed our love verbally for the first time in our lives.And there we were, back in our own skin, holding each other’s breast, feeling the difference in our heart beats.It was as if by a miracle we had returned to our previous selves and were able to live again.We cycled through our lives once more.We were living each day like we had before; free and in love.It was the most perfect thing that I could think of.I defied God and believed it was Heaven.That He could not crafted something more wondrous than what we shared not once, but twice.

And again our day came.Our chests were heavy with air and our lungs were weak.We took our hands and held then tight, closed our eyes, and again we were sent back to that same beautiful day.

We took this opportunity for granted and moved all major moments in our lives forward in time.We didn’t even make it out of the school that day without making love.We spread through the halls like wild flowers.We were once again, young, free, and in love.

We moved to our house at the mountains base much sooner this turn around than we had before.We still hiked the trails we had blazoned time and time before.We still made love at the top with God’s own breathe breathing down on us.

I had a different feeling this time.We had only discussed our love once in each previous attempt at our lives, and then showed our love through our touches and glances.I decided it was time to take her as my own; to make her my wife in the eyes of God and to have children and raise them to believe in miracles.

As we climbed our path one day I fell behind.She raced ahead and turned back smiling.She began to disrobe to entice me to catch up.It certainly worked, and after we had one another I rolled over on my side and took her hand.I played with her fingers for a short time and then asked her to marry me.

“Will you have me?Will you give up your freedom for me?”

“Do you realize what you’re asking me?If you place that ring upon my finger, our freedom is gone, forever.Will you risk all of that for me?For a family with me?”

And without hesitation I said “Of course.”

She was willing so I took my ring and slid it onto her finger.I must not have thought of the implications of our freedom being lost.The second I slid the ring to the end of her finger she turned to dust and blew away into the wind.

I had lost the only thing dear to me to the time that we had played on for three life times now.I was alone.I had killed the only thing that made any sense to me.It was my fault, and the damage was done.

I tried my hardest to live my life out to the end, but could not take the loneliness.I survived for several years after the incident but was finally taken over by grief.So I walked to the top of our mountain.I passed our spot for love making, and continued on.I passed through the snow and ice; through rough winds and thinning air.I walked so high that I was eventually unable to breathe.God himself looked down upon me and sucked the air from my lungs.Just before I succumbed I closed my eyes as tight as I could and thought as hard as my brain would allow and when I opened them, I was back in the school where we had began.

This time, however, I was different.I was alone and dressed nicely.I held a dozen roses.I could hear music coming from a room that had never been there before.So I opened the doors and inside was an elegant ball room, and she was the center of attention.She wore a beautiful dress that flowed with her movements.I smiled from afar as all the eyes watched her.When the music ended I took stride to give her the gift in my hand.Things were different though.When I reached her she smiled like she had always done before but spoke in a tongue not fitting a lover but more of a friend.

I handed her the flowers and told her that she was he love of my life.The same ideals poured from my heart like they had two lifetimes before.This time however she never took hold of my hand.She never placed it upon her breast.She looked confused.

With her head cocked to the side all she could say was “What are you doing here?You don’t belong here.”

These words took hold of my heart and squeezed every last drop of blood from it.She hung me out to dry.And when I finally came around all I could force from my mouth was, “What am I doing here?I don’t belong here.”

I dropped the roses to the ground; looked her in the eye and felt nothing.For the first time in two and half lifetimes I was truly alone.I had given up our freedom.I had sacrificed our lives for the single moment of true, unrequited love.It was all taken in by the ring and then we were through.

I ran from the ballroom out into a hall that was different than the one I had left behind.I was unfamiliar with this new place.It was dark but had beams of light entering the windows like a monastery or medieval castle or church.I ran down the hall, but every step I took was another step away from the doors that lay in front of me.I was never ending.I was alone and never ending.I didn’t belong and I was never ending.I loved her and I was never ending.


© Copyright 2017 Timothy. All rights reserved.

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