In Defense of Self

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A Moment in the mind,memory and thoughts of a worn out warrior

Submitted: December 31, 2012

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Submitted: December 31, 2012

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Love out loud today. 

Humility today is close to my heart. To realize the fear I have of being alone, and without Love is almost paralyzing at times. To be turned away from, left behind, replaced.... 

I often feel that my unusual balance of sensitive loving man and battle proven warrior is too much for people to grasp and embrace. 

With every physical wound I have experience, from gunshots to being stabbed with a pencil; I have an exponential amount of emotional wounds that I can never seem to forget. 

As I get older, I learn how to be pragmatic, diplomatic and able to absorb ludicrous sheep. Equally, as I get older, I realize more and more how truly vulnerable I am to emotional loss when it comes to those I love the most. 

It is my own personal truth that I would rather be in a gun battle than be hurt by a loved one again. 

As a teacher, an investigator, a father, a warrior, a man….. I have learned that trusting my instincts has extended my life….but I have also learned that they can be unusually deceptive sucking the joy out of my life. 

I want to enjoy today, but feel prepared for tomorrow. I want to be prepared for today, and enjoy tomorrow. 

When will my emotional wounds heal so this can be my reality? 

When will I feel comfortable being a peaceful warrior who loves out loud and needs love? 

When will I feel comfortable being that passionate man who is also the man that so many come to for truth and direction, and stop expecting everyone to be there for me on the same level? 

In this Godless world, I feel as if I am a dying breed of man that is no longer relevant. 

I do not feel this as a form of self pity, but actual disappointment that my fellow man does not embrace the same ethical moral code that I feel. 

This day will not end without me helping another. Tomorrow will not begin without me knowing I Love someone. My code of ethics will remain as reliable as a compass. 

I wish only for you to feel great joy today, if even only fleeting, let your love be known to someone today. 


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