Last Words To My Daughter

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is my last contact with my daughter. I have chosen to get her out of my life, once and for all.

Submitted: June 09, 2013

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Submitted: June 09, 2013



To my daughter

I couldn’t believe when I gave birth to you,
so lovely, precious, angelic, to name a few.

A wonderful child, I cherished so dear,
more aesthetically stunning with every year.

Everyone raved of the beauty you held,
retaining your lovely appearance, as the years quickly sailed.

Attempting my utmost to build our lives right,
my children were everything, I never lost sight.

I wasn’t the world’s most superior mother, okay... I agree,
nevertheless I did all I could, single, raising three.

Raising you solo, support non-existent, wasn’t easy to do,
my kids we’re my life, I would’ve died for you.

I’m fully cognizant that with you, my time wasn’t twenty four hours a day,
I’m sorry, it was impossible, even though you demanded it that way.

Should unconditional love be contingent, ever reach an end,
or should we forgive and forget time and again?

Complete certainty I was adequate in protecting my kid,
divorced, worked vigorously, struggled, that’s what I did.

I never lacked courtesy, caused you anguish, or pain,
my voice seldom raised, forever gentle, I loved in vain.

We did not have everything, I afforded all you wanted,
for that, to this day, I am profoundly haunted.

As you grew so did your envy, malevolence, insolence and hate,
repeatedly telling myself, mommy be patient, mommy .. merely wait.

The greater I did, the more tasteless and vulgar you treated me,
things that you’ve done and said....  such distasteful cruelty.

Not an inkling of respect is in your soul,
with the exception of your impudent self, it’s taken it’s toll.

I raised you so much better than this,
honor, love, respect, was my only wish.

If I laughed or smiled you’d bring me right down,
going out of your way to bring me tears or a frown.

Desiring me to have nothing, nothing at all,
don’t go anywhere, don’t do anything or your household will fall.

You swindled, deceived, stole, and yes even worse,
I knew for certain my daughter was cursed.

Your substance use, promiscuous fornications, I found out a lot,
your morbid, tasteless decisions, your mind at rot.

Things you did to me, certainly muddled my head,
feces in my salon bottles, a dead rat in my bed.

How could anyone be so full of malice, so insolent and cruel,
my God I pondered, what did I ever do?

I cherished you, I loved, I gave and I gave,
never adequate though, as you visioned my grave.

I prayed in earnest, passionately for infinite years,
I begged and I pleaded, oh my... all those tears.

Outside of my children, I desired a life too,
you didn’t want that, all things had to be about you.

Gifts I treasured from friends, so considerate and nice,
all eventually destroyed, broken, vanished once or twice.

We all speculated, who is capable of doing such things,
you stood pretentiously innocent with your halo and wings.

You tore our house apart, broken windows and glass,
your accusations oriented towards others, the damage so vast.

Flamboyant advantageous lies, you’ve spoken so many,
despicable imposing fabrications, how could you have any?

How could you create such scenarios in your mind,
devoid of any truth, so revolting and unkind?

Various people believed you, you spoke, they heard,
you portrayed me a failure, unpalatable, below standard.

Plots I couldn’t, wouldn’t have accomplished in my poorest of dreams,
derogatory lies are so comfortable for you it seems.

I’d leave for a moment, you’d soar to a boil,
planned activities, you meticulously, conscientiously would foil.

My work was arduous, grueling, though late hours maintained us well fed,
you we’re irate and annoyed, you insisted attention instead.

When I had to depart, I’d have to look back,
If I went anywhere, did for myself, you’d be on the attack.

For if I sought anything for myself,
I’d suffer with pain and depression, pay with my health.

Nothing could be done, unless it’s for you,
give me, do for me, give me, it’s still all you do.

Even at that, it’s never enough,
you always have and always will, try to make my life rough.

It had to be your way or no way at all,
no curfew, no authority, no directions, no wall.

Focusing on your own life, you left at fourteen,
funny... when you left, my life felt wholesome and clean.

Insistent you live with your father, no matter what,
away from commands and rules, out of your rut.

For me no more dirt or scum, no more shattered heart,
Tables turned when you left, I got the fresh start.

No longer I would feel dying from my heart broken,
hurt and pain extinct, no disparaging words being spoken.

Well you grew up, and then you came back,
my care never diminished, my love abundant, it never lacked.

You seemed profoundly different at first, but soon I could see,
you hadn’t changed a bit, you still carried spite towards me.

What could I have done I thought, to have made her a better person,
spent more time with her, grant her more, taught her a lesson?

I remember you being amused and how you’d laugh when I’d sit and cry,
never a sorry, no care or remorse as tears filled my eye.

In fact, at my lowest, you’d kick even harder,
laughing, defecating on me, as I lay like a feeble martyr.

The times I was financially well, I was your dearest friend,
always calling me, lets go here and there, lets go purchase and spend.

You’ve used me for everything imaginable you could get,
you think you’ve taken it all, but you haven’t just yet.

You’re belligerent and rude to me, treat me worse than dirt,
Still I remained kind to you, caring, and loving....  early on it hurt.

Why? What and where is the reason,
what could anything, anyone do, to compel you to be this person?

Consequently I’m remorseful, I feel tremendous guilt,
a joyful, dignified family is what I wanted built.

How could their never be anything good enough for you,
kind hearted, caring, loving and generous I was too?

How could someone spend their entire, pitiful life,
causing their own mother such misery and strife?

I’ve told hardly anyone of the things that you do,
for what would they think if they really knew?

I’ve held it all in for all of these years,
holding back the sadness and fighting the tears.

What would they think of you if they could hear,
would they no longer love you or hold you dear?

So I just held it in, I maintained, held it all back,
for I had to protect you, that protection never lacked.

I desired all to think you competent, decent and sweet,
eminent and caring, that you were my feat.

I pretended you respectable, refined, never telling a soul,
you played along, though you were out of control.

To this day you steal and take from me, take all that I have to offer,
and continue tirelessly, trying to make sure that I suffer.

I still give and I give all that I have, just like before,
but it’s only my kindness, love and care, I have nothing more.

You’ve used me, stomped on me and torn me apart,
I have nothing left for you, nothing left in my heart.

You’ve been so ugly, so sickening, dirty, and gross,
of all the people I’ve met, you disgust me the most.

All of the abuse and torture you put me through,
it made me so weak, but made me stronger too.

How could you be so demeaning, so rude,
so evil, mean, ugly and crude.

Oh the many, many nights I’ve crumbled, I’ve cried,
still caring for, and loving you so great, deep inside.

Numerous are the times I’ve begged,  prayed for you to be changed,
cognizant all the while you were so sick and deranged.

Places abundantly searched to find the help you needed,
yes I did, I begged and pleaded.

I’m aware you feel good, imagining you’ve ruined my life,
being so cruel, evil, ugly, and causing this strife.

You are who you are now at thirty two,
you have to live with yourself, I’ve done all I can do.

No one entity can make someone who they are,
it’s your choice, and you’ve made yourself, so far.

There is nobody, no one but yourself to blame,
you made you who you are, and you should be ashamed.

How can you live with yourself, how could you possibly sleep at night,
how can you be so ugly, indecent, and still feel you’re right?

Well I think I am done, I’ve had enough I fear,
my heart can no longer break my eyes can no longer tear.

For you are a monster that I want nothing to do,
I’ll take life as it is now as long as it’s away from you.

The anguish from you that I have endured,
is merely nothing now, just like you.... a nothing, rest assured.

You had better pray now, beg forgiveness from the one above,
for I will not, and can not forgive you, you don’t deserve it or my love.

You now disgust me to my very core,
I will not care about you, be there for you, or help anymore.

When I finally take my last breath, you won’t be a part,
you  sick, ill child, are no longer mine, nor in my memories or heart.

Your Birth Mother

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