Adventures of Three Tonys

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Have you ever talked with yourself? If you have, you might know pretty well what this story is about..

It's quite funny how this piece, which was written in frustration because of the lack of comments, has never been commented in Booksie.com :D

Submitted: March 06, 2007

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 06, 2007

A A A

A A A


Tony sat by his computer table waiting. Waiting for something which was as expected to happen as the Finnish winter to be omitted. “At least that could happen”, he pondered by himself as he once again clicked the mouse.

Time’s not waiting for anyone but still he had to wait for the time all the time. He was that kind of a man that they called a frustrated artist. He was also that kind of a man that they called a no-life; of course he didn’t have better things to do than wait for comments to spring up in booksie.com.

His life mostly revolved around the belly buttons of his two me’s. Those me’s he used to call by the names Productive Tony and Lazy, people hating, cynical, sceptic, possibly feeling-disabled, sometimes two arrogant Toke.

“I guess we could kill time by writing a story”, remarked Tony with a great fatigue about Toke’s all-time rebelling against briskness.

“Sorry, no can do”, replied Toke laconicly.

“Maybe we could do the homework?” Tony asked carefully.

Toke glared at the mirror and crucified Tony in the back of their head with his lifted right eyebrows. “Are you serious?” he asked Tony incredulously.

“Yes, I’m super, super serial”, Tony answered churning his eyes towards the ceiling. Toke just snorted and said nothing.

“Shut up, both of you”, demanded Only Tony, the third me, who had a strange overpower on both of these two other me’s. “Now we’re gonna do the homework, and after that we may laze as much as we want waiting for comments.”

“Aaaaaagh, Only Tony, don’t lie to all three of yourselfs! There will never be any comments!” said Toke flashing his middle finger to Only Tony when he thought he didn’t see it. “If those guys had a slightest intention to comment on Tony’s crap, they would do it already on the first time they read it!”

“The lack of comments”, remarked Tony, “wouldn’t be a problem if I had the full power. I would write so many stories that they would have to comment them so they could make the endless flow of writings to stop.”

Only Tony directed his gaze to a window and there he could have seen a nice garden decorated with a starless night sky and a full moon. Though, he didn’t see this beautiful sight because he only looked at the window to see his reflection and glare upon his, Tony’s and Toke’s face. Tony had once again brought up the full power. “Something should be done about that guy”, Only Tony considered. “Toke at least is too lazy to think about the power but that guy may prove to be trouble.”

“You probably would write so much that you’d drown Toke in your wretched productiveness and destroy him”, Only Tony explained patiently – once again. “Then you would be homicidal to one of yourselfs. Do you know what that would mean? You would be suicidal! Suicide is a crime against Jesus! You wanna commit a crime against JESUS?”

“N-n-no”, Tony stuttered as he tried to avoid the piercing glance of Only Tony. That piercing glance struck trough his heart straight from the reflection in window.

“You always pull the Jesus in these conversations”, remarked Toke seeming to be tired about this whole subject. “What does Jesus have to do with you, Only Tony, been a wacko who has three freaking personalities?”

“Jesus just makes Tony quiet”, said Only Tony shrugging to his reflection.

“How dare you talk about Jesus like that?” Tony screamed looking upset. “He died for your sins!”

“Practically, he died only for Only Tony’s sins, because he’s the only real mind and we are just imagination’s reflections which he, for some reason, thinks to really exist. Actually, our meaning of life seems to be proving that Only Tony has watched Pokon 3 far too many times”, Toke accounted.

“And I can undo you reflections any time!” Only Tony threatened.

“I don’t think so”, said Tony. “Without me you are only a boring Finnish guy who doesn’t even have the imaginative sparkle that makes people laugh. You would destroy yourself by destroying other two of yourselfs.”

“Yeah, and you couldn’t live without your cynicism and arrogance which are your only ways to show everybody how much better person(s) you are”, Toke pointed out. “You are too selfish to live without the attention I give you.”

“Alright, alright, I can’t life without me… I mean you!” Only Tony affirmed. “But stop fighting, you two can’t live without each others either!”

“I must disagree with you”, said Tony.

“I can’t understand your words either, even though I live in the same head”, Toke remarked.

“Okay, you don’t need each others!” Only Tony roared and started to pout for he couldn’t grab the advantage on this one. He started to suspect he was crazy.

“That’s true, you are crazy”, Toke admonished casually.

“No doubt. If nothing else, at least my existence proves that!” Tony agreed.

“For God’s sake, stop trespassing my head, you thought paparazzies!" Only Tony yelled considering himself offended by this violation of his privacy.

“That would be hard”, said Tony. “We are kind of like your cell mates – we can’t get out of your head and we have to see all your disgusting little chores you do when you’re asleep. Believe me, it’s not yummy.”

“Maybe if you gave us a little push, you would be able to give us birth!” said Toke.

“I hate me, me and me”, Only Tony muttered.

“Sure you do. What about doing a little Dew, me friend?” Toke said clearly pleased of Only Tony’s retreat. That was one of unexpected benefits of been only a waste of imagination trapped in someone’s head. Only Tony took a bottle of Mountain Dew, uncorked it and swallowed a great deal of unhealthy additives, colourants and sugar. All five Tonys (two of them don’t have lines in this story but they still were there) sighed in pleasure as the coldly green – or was it greenly cold – fluid streamed down his throat tickling.

That moment they knew they weren’t just personalities trapped in one head. They knew they were all equal aspects of one personality and when together, they formed a great adventurer in the universe of questions and answers. Although, it hasn’t ever happened yet so I can’t tell you any more about that. I can only tell you that Only Tony did his homework with a little involuntary help of Toke and Tony and then he opened the internet just to see there still wasn’t any comments in booksie.com.

This story has been written by Toke, who was in such an ecstasy for his victory from Only Toke that he actually bothered to do something.


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