Before You Now

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
I don't want to live right now?

Submitted: October 19, 2010

A A A | A A A

Submitted: October 19, 2010



I want to watch the blood flow,
Like a river past my arm to the ground.
But I'm afraid I'll get blood on the carpet.

I need to see it.
I need to see it all,
But I'm afraid,
I'll drain it to nothing.

I don't want to stop,
Even though I know,
I'm addicted.
I want to leave,
I know I'll hurt those I'll say goodbye to.

I'm not worthy,
But I want to prove them wrong.
I'm amazing,
But only to my ego.

I'll feel alive once I commit this sin.
I need to feel free, wanted, loved.
Yet I feel strangled, crushed, unforgiven.

I must stop. But I can't. I need to continue. One is not enough. I need to go deeper, I need to see more, I want to see more, I have to see more. Though my mom will ask me what happened for the moment I. Don't. Care. I need somebody, someone, but who? Who can save me from my own tragedy? I'm too heartless to love, too cold to feel, too unworthy to know.

Time is too slow, I need something bigger, I need something sharper, I need more blood.

I push everything down but it boils to the surface with great heated rage showing no mercy. I want to. Despite what everyone tells me. I want to. I need to. I must. Even my angel doesn't seem so bright. Even my God doesn't seem to stay this night. I need something more. I need to feel complete. Yet I'm empty with hate and regret. I slide and feel the pain. I push and see the vein. What makes me stop?

Disappointment? Sadness? Do I care? Should I?

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