The Keith Richards Health Club

The Keith Richards Health Club

  Join the Keith Richards Health Club. Regain your

fitness and all round good health, as Keith leads 

you through a variety of exercises, such as holding

a touniquet with your teeth to help you shoot-up,

bending your elbow to help you successfully down

bottles of vodka, and twisting your fingers, to help

you enjoy multiple cigarettes at once.

  Boost your lung capacity by breathing in Keith's

cigarette smoke, while listening to the Stones

sing, " Start Me Up " and watching a video of corpses

rising from the graveyard.

  Special offer, join now, and get a free Keith Richards 

mirror. Yes, you too can have Keith's amazing good

looks just by staring into this magic mirror, that 

changes your appearence forever to make you look

like Keith! Plus you'll receive a free Keith Richards

mobile ashtray so you'll never accidently stub a 

fag out in your face again!

  Pay now, and you'll get a special discount on 

accommodation at the " I Can't Get No Satisfaction Mick 

Jagger Nursing Home " plus free use of a Mick Jagger sex 

doll and a free packet of Mick Jagger's Great Grandad's

Little Helper pills to help you last the distance.

Let those geriatric lips suck you! While Keith manages

the controls by Bluetooth, and cheers you on with his

drunken raving!

  Don't wait any longer, join the Keith Richards

Health club now, and like Keith time will be on your

side, and remember you can't always get what you

want but sometimes you get what you need! You

can be just like Keith Richards today!

  Extra special offer, if you pay by heroin tonight 

you'll get a free carton of Keith's famous cockroach

soup delivered to your doorstep at no extra cost!!!