Random IV

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
One of my Entries in my book "A Written Form Of My Thoughts". This is one of several, written in a random fashion, one idea maybe unrelated to the next, but maybe it all makes sense as a whole part.

Submitted: November 11, 2011

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Submitted: November 11, 2011

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So there comes a point in life where you have stuff or you are happy or just cleaning other people's houses, really, what else could you be doing? Buying lots of useless stuff because someone told you it was good, or it was written in some magazine, of course you wouldn't do that because you are much smarter, but the snow keeps falling like it's suppose to, as if I needed more snow, who should clean those slippery roads now, why should you keep going to the shop and as you slowly keep dying without having had anything useful done, you start wondering what should you eat – chocolate or chips, but I don't really know, because it's not important for me, they always say something, but I'm not gonna sit down and listen, I don't have the time, the nuclear physics projects are waiting for me, so I can narrow down matter and consciousness, and then spending the rest of the days forgetting and remembering my name, all alone by myself, looking and wondering, gazing up like something is about to fall down, but all the time the sky is chaotic, and the fireballs keep missing us, my goodness, I was hoping it was gonna be over, but then again, I still love my wine, and whatever else I do in between that, really it's hard to say because I'm not really awake, just a dreamer in a waking world, and I love to stay awake, sleep makes me paranoid, and I dislike those green stuff, what a waste of my time I say. But if you can't understand me, then you should go and do something else, like I don't know, whatever you do, just don't wonder too much, it's useless to ask if you don't want to know the truth, am I not really an optimist then? As I am neutral to most things, or I just don't care, open minded but not too cheap to jerk around. The aliens and the clay people don't want to sit down and talk about it, and everyone thinks that the world is all we got. It has to be this way, for their sake and for mine, I said my goodbyes long time ago. I didn't need them, I don't need them at my funeral, I would hate being stared at like that. These bogus hobbies can't keep me distracted long enough, I needed a real problem, an impossible challenge. The battle of good and evil is getting old now, tell the soldiers to pack their bags and go home, take a fucking holiday or something. Nothing really changes inside, that could be the reason why I forget things, dates, days and names. Sleeping is a waste of time, but I will eventually give in. There wasn't enough alcohol to numb my pain, it's hard to forget, even when you don't care anymore. I wasn't gonna go back, there was nothing there for me, a new beginning is what I always wanted, I keep changing everything, even if it's just the furniture in the room. Gave me the illusion I need, while I keep performing my pawn duties, playing along with everyone's fantasies, following directives created by idiots, just because they got there first, just because I need my pay. I'm a diplomatic capitalist at best, how much is my cut – is all I care about, I'm not doing it for the good of anything. There is no good. Just profit making and paying back debts. I must have known this for a long time now, but it only made sense to me recently, as I stood there in the middle of confusion, it was sunny and windy at the same time, part of me was subtle warm part shivering cold. I still don't understand why that hangover reset everything, making most severe symptoms go away, but the feeling is there, sort of. It's like whatever I had, was killed, and gotten rid of the hard way. It doesn't make sense yet. I could hear the sounds, I could feel the room, the heat of it, the slow motionless air, the tiredness in my bones, the feeling of being useless and half awake. That way I could dream and think at the same time without getting stuck inside it. I could snap out of it when I felt ready. I was paralyzed. After I regained my strength, I knew I was fully recovered and fresh, it killed the lack of sleep from last week and the false promises.


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