Tell Me Why/Explain Yourself

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just a poem to explain the feelings of a teenage girl (me) when she gets disappointed and feels abandoned by someone she trusted who is giving her mixed signals. Many people feel these feelings often, and can relate to this... I hope this helps others know they are NEVER alone... I've felt this way, I did today again... we all do at some time or another.
Enjoy and let me know your thoughts so I can post to your specific needs at a later date! :-)

Submitted: May 29, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 29, 2012

A A A

A A A


 

What did I do wrong this time?

I thought I did things right.

I thought I didn’t push you too much,

But you left into the night.

 

You say it was for us both,

That it was hard for you to do.

Did you even LOOK into my eyes?

I was CRYING to you!

 

You say that you are proud for me,

And only want what’s best.

You say this may be a mistake,

But it’s worth a shot, worth a test.

 

You say you truly care about me,

And that I’ve made a lot of progress.

You say that you really believe in me,

But you helped to create more of a mess.

 

You say if there’s a major crisis,

That I can call you up.

You say that this may be better…

Well to that I say you—FUCK!

 

With each word that left your mouth,

I felt my heart crack a little more.

You stomped on and broke my heart,

Which was already shattered, and beaten to the floor.

 

Every time you looked at me,

Wanting me to look at you—

My body quaked  a little harder,

And my lip quivered to discover what’s true.

 

Everything went tunnel vision,

Everything went black.

Nothing was okay anymore

I felt like I’d just been smacked.

 

I told you I fuck up everything,

All the relationships I’ve been in.

So will I make this a good thing,

Or something bad…

Well that- do I even have a decision in?

 

I said that it was ONLY because of you,

That I’ve stood up for myself MORE

And maybe that wasn’t so true,

But I was hoping it’d make you stay long for.

 

You say next year

We can chat again,

That yeah next year

We can still be friends.

 

Did you look into my eyes,

Did you see the pain you caused?

Did you realize you had the WORST timing?

To make me want and need to fall?

 

Finals are starting tomorrow,

And I’m a total mess.

Thanks a bunch,

You really care,

What a great thing to confess.

 

I appreciate the sentiment,

And the feeling behind your words.

But your timing really sucks,

You kicked me to the curb.

 

How on earth hare you doing what’s best for me?

Maybe what’s best for you…

And even that

I have my doubts,

If that is even true.

 

A day that was already stressful,

Yet was semi-looking up.

And a decision you had made,

To really fuck me up.

 

I mess up all my relationships,

I let people in too much.

I really truly trusted you…

And all you did was crush.

 

I really let you deep within,

Thinking you believed.

Thinking we were alike

Sympatico, as you’ve said to me.

 

Yet you continue to hurt me—

Awkward conversations end the years.

An abusive relationship as my friend states,

That ends only in tears.

 

What’s next my friend,

Will you beat me to death?

Cause that I’d’ve preferred,

Instead…

You walked all over my chest.

 

The weight I mentioned

To you that was there,

Has doubled, tripled,

In size—is that fair?

 

Words can’t describe

 The emptiness I feel,

The self-blame you have caused me,

The rocking and the reel.

 

I’m holding my breath

To stop myself from crying,

To hold on a little longer,

Until I see Kirk-

To stop myself from dying.

 

Cause all of a sudden,

A great pain erupted in my chest.

Creaking and scratching,

Making its own nest.

 

So thank you my dear buddy,

I’m truly feeling the love.

Why couldn’t you just be nice

Instead of cruel, sweet, and to shove?!

 

Or at least solely be cruel,

Stop with these signals so mixed.

You’ve crushed my soul already,

And I thought you may be the one, or one to fix.

 

I’ll kill you my dear friend,

If I could only find the heart.

But you’ve caused me so much distress

I don’t even know where to start.

 

About to erupt

From this pain you have caused,

Gee thanks

I love ya,

You really do rock!

 

You want me to be happy!?

BS! That’s false!

You want me to be confident,

Fuck that—

You lost!!

 

An empty gaping hole,

Fills the center of my chest.

A black hole of darkness

Sucking in everything within reach.

 

My heart is barely pounding,

Yet pounding too much all the same.

Swallowing’s getting harder,

And I know you’ll mock me for saying this—

But you my fella, are to blame!

 

I feel as though a bounder

Now resides in my trachea.

I feel as though someone dumped

Vomit in my stomach.

 

I don’t really want to talk about it,

Yet at the same time, I’m dying to.

I really wish that you hadn’t done this,

Cause look now what I have to do to you?!

 

You cut me off from all ends,

No advisor, barely friends?!

You cut my heartstrings in half,

You’ve quartered them, I thought we would always be friends.

 

You’ve crushed my spirits,

And killed my soul.

You’ve caused me torment,

Oh- you’ll never know!

 

Die my dear friend,

Or at least kill me now,

Cause that’d show you have some mercy,

A heart who takes to vows.

 

You do fuck up your relationships

As well as I do to mine.

We really are alike, aren’t we?

But no, I’m not fine!?

 

You are so fucking wrong

It’s not even funny,

But no it doesn’t matter…

It’s like you just ran over me with a car

And I was the cute, little, innocent, bunny!

 

 

So slit my wrists

And silt my throat,

Kill me now,

Before I choke.

 

And tell me too

How do I do my finals?

How do I function?

How do I not cry and look alive and…

 

All alone,

Am I now?

Because all you see

Is a fucking frown…

 

And I know,

You don’t care…

But I truly did think

You’d always be there.

 

But maybe I didn’t

Maybe I was only fooling myself.

You push away plenty,

But pull in again as well.

 

So fuck my life

And fuck you too,

But that doesn’t change the fact

That I still love you.

 

Do I trust you?

I don’t know..

You make things so confusing—

Especially when with your emotions, you show.

 

But you have no idea at the pain

You’ve caused me inside,

Making me question trusting people,

Questioning loyalty,

Questioning what I MUST HAVE done wrong,

Cause I definitely did SOMETHING wrong.

I always, always do…

Oh yeah,

And you seem to be good

At making me

Want to die!!??!!??!?


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