I'm spending my mornings drinking three cups of tea
depriving myself of a basic breakfast because I have it hammered into my head
that if I was thinner you would love me again.
shes a size six.
my afternoons purely consist of my heart skipping beats
making sure I save every photo you change
because it hurts to know I may miss a slight difference
in the face I analysed so deeply while making love to you
and does she know about your little hair on your cheek?
she doesn't think like I do,
not about you
evenings are usually running dancing singing writing crying sitting slowly dying
because I never pictured my evenings without you
And every time I leave my house it's like a kick in the face
staring at all the places we went to because we went everywhere
we kissed everywhere
and I can feel you on my lips when you told me forever and sealed it
a promise I believed you would never break
does she know how we planned our wedding to the T
purple and white
I play every memory over and over again in my head trying to think of a reason
why I can't forget you
because it's not fair
its killing me how you can move on from this and I can't
because you were the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on
and to get off
is proving impossible and it's not possible to not love you
with every day I got sicker and you got sick of me being sick
and we lost us
and I wish I could stand there and say hey baby
but I've lost myself and I lose myself even more when you're around
and I cannot decide if that's good or not
you are the only thing I could never get past
and now my weekends are so lonely because you are not lying next to me
drinking a cup of my tea with me
trying to keep our hands off each other just for a second
i am so sorry for when I've lost my temper
Or called you a bad name
or not told you the real reason I'm not okay
or for puffing my cheeks out when you tried to kiss me
but I know you secretly loved that
I miss being your princess
i hope she treats you like a king.
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