Balloon Debate 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Another balloon debate, so I wrote this, this time I didn't win.

Submitted: March 15, 2013

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Submitted: March 15, 2013



Balloon Debate 2

When this came round a second time, then I started thinking,

Will I get the words to mellifluously flow, will the same old rhymes start linking?

Like a newly poured glass of Mumm champagne, bubbles rising in it like false hopes,

I put pen to paper and rummaged around in my mind, wondering how I would cope.

I could not seem to get out of this slightly annoying commitment.

Colleagues having left me in the lurch, they have become quite distant.

Maybe they just chickened out. They didn’t want to know

It looks like I’ve been made to look a mug again, so

I don’t really want to be here. How’s that for a start?

Next time I am reassured someone else will take my part.


Messieurs, Mesdames, Bonjour, comes first. Ca va? So how are you?

Tout va bien? Pour être poli, comment allez-vous?

An meine deutsche sprechende Freunden sage ich “Alles klar?”

Wie geht’s? Ihr antwortet sicher “Alles klar Kommissar!”

Ci sono degli amici qua che parlano italiano?

Ciao buongiorno, come stai? Cappuccino? Andiamo!


So who’s the mystery guest today? You still don’t know his name?

I think I will just leave you guessing time and time again.

I’m not too bothered who’s here with me, not here to criticize,

Or pull competitors apart and laugh them to the skies.

Last time we got a bit unkind, backstabbing here and there

And to have to endure that a second time does not seem quite fair.


Who is this mystery guest? you ask. In France he’s called Maigret

Or rather Monsieur le Commissaire, to show respect I say.

You really should get reading one of his roman policier.

They can be rather fun, not hard, good company anyday.

He nearly always solves the case, the murderer cannot hide,

The burglar, liar, petty thief, is brought to court and tried.

Don’t mess with Commissaire Maigret, you will be found to be lacking,

He’ll start investigating you, so it’s him you should be backing.


TKKG is actually what they say in German

It’s short for Tarzan, Karl, Klößchen and Gaby. Heard of them?

Four German teens who solve the case, Ricky Rauber has no getaway,

The Bande jugendlicher Handtaschenräuber, Gangster or Falschmünzern get their pay.

They are eigentlich too smart for us. They are really klug und clever.

The teens outwitting the adults, can it get any better?

Is this all rather hard to follow? Or have you no excitement in learning?

Maybe you kick languages in the teeth, because it’s for playtime that you are yearning.


Our distinguished guest in Italian is Commissario Montalbano.

The Sicilian mafia can’t beat him. He gets them all pian piano.

He enjoys pizza Quattro stagioni al ristorante italiano

Then there’s Quattro formaggi, spaghettata, mozzarella, pomodoro.

He has a good team to back him up, but it’s not instant his vittoria

Those Italian gangsters don’t waste words. Quite often there’s a sparatoria.


In English we have Sherlock Holmes. Each case he finds almost too easy

As he usually says to his friend Dr Watson, “Elementary”.

It’s primary school stuff his, I think. Poor Watson has no chance

Of keeping up with superior Holmes, who’s reasoning is so far in advance.


Then there’s that American gumshoe, called Philip Marlowe, private eye

“You need some detecting doing, M’am. I’m two blocks away. I’ll drop by.”

He lives on blackest coffee, which he calls the lifeblood of tired old men.

And he’s partial to whisky and bourbon, and smokes cigarettes far too often.

He isn’t slow to throw a punch, but for boxers he has little time,

None can hit hard enough to wake his grandmother out of a light doze, in his mind.

His diet is occasionally not so good. To help us get the point

He says he feels like a half-digested meal eaten in a greasy spoon joint.

In his line of work he gets beaten up, till his face looks like a collision mat.

Some tough guy builds a filling station on his jaw while he’s out cold or on the rack.

But he always gets the racketeer, the hoodlum turns into a stiff,

The Homicide Bureau is his second home. Revolver smoke or a whiff

Of cyanide used by one dangerous mobster, a “gentleman” called Canino,

Marlowe shot him with his .38 automatic, the dame he called “angel“ did help though.


So please vote for me, I could be of use if anything’s dodgy or suspicious,

Though I don’t expect to feel like Barack Obama, on his second term, not so auspicious.

My gags aren’t that funny, and German and Italian detectives don’t carry much weight,

Maybe the French or the English or American, or are they just all out of date?

I have said all that I wanted to say. I would really like to jump ship

But I’ve got to hang around for the second round so I’ll sit down and zip my lip.



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