A troubled life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Its a story about my life and what a went through and still turned how to be the great young man i am today

Submitted: January 25, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 25, 2013




On September 6, 1996 I was brought into this world my momma was just fifth teen when I was born. As she held me in her arms she had no idea what she was she was doing. Most of my family was there at the hospital when I was born. But the one person that should have been there was not. That person was my father. My father was never really around when I was an infant. From the stories my grandma has told me he really didn’t care too much that I was in this world. He didn’t even believe I was his child. Even after the DNA test he still didn’t believe but how could he not.

The only person I really remember from my child hood was my grandma she was the one who raised me. She was their when nobody else was. But I can’t blame my momma she was just a child herself who brought a mistake into this world. At the age of six teen my momma got with this man named Jessie and before long she started doing meth. An as that started my momma slowly faded away from my life but I don’t remember this cause I was just a baby. My grandma tried everything in her power to give me the best life she possibly could. And she did a good job at doing that she was a nurse at an elderly home and her husband was a mechanic. My grandma would work morning till night and my grandpa would work nights to morning. Little did I know my grandpa was not a good man he was always in trouble with the law.

The man who my momma was with, Jessie was his name. He was no good not only did he show my momma drugs he also beat her and treated her like she was dirt. She got married to this monster, which made her live a living hell. So I had no momma or a daddy my grandma had to play all three roles. My mom finally left the monster named Jessie but the next man was no better. My mom moved to collage hill with him and I was still with my grandma. If could have known what all was going on at that age of 4 or 5. I would have felt like an outcast like I was nobody. Why is my dad not here for me? Why does my mom. Choose drugs I will never really know the true answers I will just know what they want to tell me.

My grandma got real sick and lost her job so now we was living on a fixed income  and it was time for me to start school. My first year of school was pre-k and I went to liberty eylau I don’t remember much of pre-k expect the naps and my teacher’s name and it was Mrs. Berry.

We stayed in this trailer park on highway 59 but as the year came near the end my grandma was having trouble paying everything so she got a hold of my momma and they talked and we moved to collage hill. The street we lived on was pearl not a good place to raise a child.

And now this part of my child hood is where I started remembering things. The house we lived in it was me my grandma, my grandpa, my uncle and his girl friend, and my momma my stepdad. Things were not easy we didn’t get to have the best meals I didn’t have the best clothes but I didn’t know anything else. And as the summer ended it was time for me to go back to school. I was starting at collage hill elementary. It was going to be hard for the new kid to fit in. My first day of kindergarten is the first day I had a fight. And now I look back and think why five year olds were fighting.

School was never great for me I got picked on all the time. But one day I finally made a friend. He lived right next door to me we played all the time. But that friendship soon came to an end. One day we were playing with side walk chalk and for some reason he hit me in the head with it and I started crying. And I wanted to hit the boy so bad but my momma just sent the boy home and I was so mad. My stepdad said watches this. He sent my momma and my uncle’s girlfriend to the store and when they went he told me go knock on his door and whoop his ass. My grandpa, uncle and stepdad were on the sidewalk watching. I went and knocked on his door and asked his dad from him to come out to play and when he came to the door I just snapped and started swinging and the boy’s daddy ran outside. To see what the screaming was about I was beating his son and has reached down to pull me off  his son that’s when my uncle said touch him and you’re next to get your ass kicked. So after I beat his son as he watched he took his son and ran in the house.

My momma retuned from the store and soon after the cops showed up. The man called the cops my stepdad ended up lien his way out of trouble but we still had to move. We moved right down the road still on Pearl Street. But this house looked pretty nice. School was still hard for me walking home from school was  the hardest part cause there was this group of kids who always followed me home messing with me. I was still young in the first grade. I finally told my stepdad about the problem and he had a talk with me.

He told me I had to stop being scared don’t let them put fear in my heart for me to take charge quit being a pussy. So I stayed up all night thinking about what he told me and the next morning I got a stick and put it in my back pack. And that day walking home only one boy was following me and he grabbed me and pushed me down. And he told me to give him the stuff out of my backpack the only thing I said was okay so I unzipped my back pack and grabbed the stick and started beating him with it. After that I ran home and told them what I did and I didn’t get in trouble.

I couldn’t make friends so my grandma got me a dog it was a lab an d is name was rocky. That dog became my best friend I played with him every day. And one day I came home from school and he was gone I looked everywhere for him and I heard a bark from the next door house and I knew that was my dog. I had to get him back cause I felt like he needed me and I needed him. But I thought I’m only seven what can I do.

I waited for everybody to go to sleep and I snuck out of the house and broke in their house to get my dog. When I got in the house I saw my puppy in a pin. I picked him and headed out and a deep voice stopped me and said what you think you’re doing and I said this is my puppy. The man ran up to me and grabbed me I chunked the dog out the door and the man picked me up by my shirt and I did what I had to do I punched the man in his nose he dropped me and I ran home. The next day the man came and talked with my momma and told her what happen. And then out of no were my uncle ran up and pushed the man out the door and just started beating him. I watched and for some reason I got a laugh out of it. I knew we were going to have to move soon. The police didn’t come they really didn’t like to come to the hood.

A month later this new family moved in their was a man a woman and three kids two boys and one girl the girl was my age. And the oldest boy he had down syndrome. and the younger brother was mean to him all the time I was too shy to meet this new family but come to find out my grandma knew these people and so I started going over there and I know I was young but something about the girl just drove me crazy still to this day I remember her name it was Brianna. And I did everything for that girl.

That soon ended I moved to red water because all the trouble I caused  I was in the second grade when I started but that didn’t last long I soon got kicked out of the school for fighting and throwing a chair at a teacher.

So we had to move again we then moved to Main Street that’s when things got bad. That’s when my momma and step dad started smoking crack that was the worst thing I ever had to experience. They would do anything just for another hit that drug ruled their life now. they would steal for that drug. One day I was in the bathroom and my momma walked past me with the microwave and she seen me and she just put her finger over her mouth and told me to shhhh. Was this woman crazy she stole the micowave straight out the kitchen with my grandma in the living room? When would this stop I asked myself. my momma would steal from us and my step dad would steal from his parents. My momma would not hesitate to take from us. Is crack really that bad? They kept on smoking crack they did unthinkable things just for more. The drug tore them apart and turned themselves against each other they became their own worst enemy. One night as I was sleeping and my mom was over somewhere smoking crack. Not worrying about her son I woke up to this loud banging in my mom’s room I thought it was just my mom coming in so I ran into her room to give her hugs and kisses caused no matter what she did she was my mom and I still loved her when I opened up the door there was three people just going in everything and I screamed and I bolted out the door. My momma didn’t come home for three days and when she got home they went straight to her room and they started yelling my momma came running In the living room yelling were the hell is my fucking crack. We were all shocked we knew she did it this was just the first time she just didn’t care that we knew. And then my grandma knew why those three people robbed my momma’s room my grandma layed her foot down and said ether you stop crack or get the hell out and my momma just said whatever... (no 8 year old boy should have to go through this) when my grandma told her this it just went in one ear and out the other they didn’t stop smoking crack they just kept on and on. I knew it was going to end up killing them about  two months later my momma came and talked to my grandma and was balling her eyes out. And as I listened I heard my momma say mom she coming for us we owe her money for the drugs she knows where we stay. And as I heard her say that my heart started pounding I ran and hid under the enteriment center crying. My grandma was trying to see if I was okay but my momma was not worried about that. My momma started telling my grandma about the woman and that she was going to come and burn the house down. My grandma didn’t know what else to do she gave the money that my momma owed for drugs to the lady when she came but the money she gave her was the money for my school clothes. And my grandma slapped my mom straight across her face and said listen here ether you fucking quit the drugs or you out of here. And this time my momma listened. So she stopped smoking crack.

She stared smoking ice which is Meth. At least meth did not make her steal from her family. The man they got their drugs from was named Walt. They soon stared hanging over his house for days at a time. And one day my momma had me with her and we went to his house but at the time I did not know it was the dope house. As we walked in the house it looked weird I seen some toy cars that looked cool Walt let me play with them while I was playing with the cars the man, my momma and step daddy went to the back room. My momma came back out like thirty minutes later and said son take this it will help you sleep she gave me Nyquil. And I soon passed out when I woke up I was home on my couch and my momma was on the other couch with a whole bunch of stuff that I never seen before like rugs and baseball cards and all kinds of stuff. She would never tell me where she got the stuff from. But now each time they came home they were bringing more stuff home. I soon figured it out they was stealing from their dope man. And this happened for a few months. And one day I was with my momma and stepdad and his phone rang I didn’t know who it was. But he said were on our way and we soon pulled up to that weird house which was their dope man. I asked my momma what are we doing here and she told me were just taking him somewhere.

Its dark out and the man gets in the car and he  is sitting next to me and we start driving and he’s telling my momma wear to go it seemed like he was heading to the middle of no wear. And then the police pulled up behind us and took everybody out of the car and he searched them. Nothing was found on my momma or step dad but on Walt they found a handgun with three bullets. He was arrested and we were sent home on the way home the car was complete silence.

I may have been only eight but I knew what was finna happen with that man he found out they was stealing from him and he was going to end it all. my momma made me promise not tell my grandma what happen but when I got home and my momma went to her room and went into my grandma room and I told my grandma everything and my mommas words was I hate you she has never told me that before I didn’t know how to react.

The drugs kept on but my grandma’s momma witch I called her nanny soon got cancer and had to come live with us I loved this woman with all my heart and she just kept on getting sicker and sicker. My nanny was the first person to buy me a big boy bike I still remember it. It was a red and blue huffy. They soon put my nanny on chemo witch just seemed like it made it worse she lasted like a year and on February 21 first she passed away I’ve never felt pain like this before my heart was crushed and my soul was empty. I knew I could never have her back or here her sweet voice again. As the man walked in and said the final prays I kissed her on the fore head and said Nanny I love you and may you rest in peace. And as they carried her to their hearse I flipped I started slamming my head into walls and hurting myself and then just ran outside and layed in the road in started balling my eyes out. My grandma came and picked me up and hugged me and said everything was going to be okay ever since that day I’ve not been the same person I started doing things. I started attacking people at school and at home putting holes in the wall just going crazy. When my momma made food I would put breathing treatment medicine in it I thought I was poisoning them even know I wasnent but I didn’t know. My momma soon got me help from a shrink I did that for about a month and they wanted to take me away my momma stopped taking me and we soon had to move from the house.

My momma moved back to collage hill and me and my grandma and uncle and his girlfriend moved to mauld things only went downhill their we found a house it was a piece of shit. Everything was wrong with it the house was trashed we cleaned it out. Every room was horrible we had to fix everything. And at the time we were broke as ever. My grandma painted all the walls in the house but we never had a hot water heater while we lived in the house and we didn’t eat well at all because we were poor. I was 10 when we moved back to Liberty eylau I was in the 4th grade we moved into a family house. And my momma and step dad moved back in with us and everything was great until our cousins moved in front of us. She had a new boyfriend that I didn’t care for and  day by day things got worse then one day it just happened he pushed me and I went into my bedroom and got a bat and went back and beat him with it and shit went crazy.

We moved back to the Hill I was 11 when I went back to Arkansas and things were worse as ever bills were not getting paid s I was old enough I knew I had to start doing something so I went to my home street which was pearl and I had to chase this money I started selling dope I knew this is not what my grandma wanted but I had to get things done I started making money my grandma knew what was happing but she couldn’t do nothing about it. I was selling dope at school on the streets and everywhere I could do it and with selling dope came with troubles one night I was in the trap house and busters ran up in there with Mac 11’s and took everything. And when that happened we had to take action I had no choice but to cause I was already in the game I was 11 damn years old packing a pistol to go rob the people who took our dope what’s wrong with that picture right there so and when I was 12 was the first time I went to jail I was in there for six months over drug charges. But I was took care of when I was in their when I got out I went straight back into the game I have done made a name for myself.

For 3 years I felt like I was doing the right thing I was paying my grandma bills I kept a fresh pair of Jordan’s on my feet nice clothes not having to deal with the struggle every night I was out their selling dope. Every night my grandma would ball their eyes out and come to found out one of my partners was the son of my momma’s old crack dealer the one who was going to burn our house down.

One night I was riding around in a Lincoln witch was my homeboys and I had my tool with me and my home boy called me and said come pick him up I whipped to his house and picked him up and he said we got some business to handle I showed him my piece and said lets go. So at the age of 14 me and my homeboy ran up in this dude house took everything and tied this dude up and beat him and beat him and then left him for dead and everything we stole we sold to buy mo supplies to slang. My grandma asked me why was I living this life this is not what I want for you baby and I told her you provided for me when I was a kid now it’s my turn to provide for you.

My grandma had to get me out from this before I ended up in a box so she moved me back to le and when I came to le I just didn’t care about nothing I didn’t take shit from nobody. I still had a name for myself even know my grandma moved me she couldn’t take me out the game I just started at a new turf. But now I’m 15 doing it I been doing it for 4 years now and I loved the rewards I was getting.

but near my 16 birthday I stole a car and got busted I knew my time was coming they sent me away for 45 days I spent my birthday in jail and at this time my daddy finally came into my life and I’ve been living with him and the 45 days all I could think about was my little sister and when I got out they put me on a year of probation so I had to come back to school. I wasn’t selling drugs no more but I was still fighting but that soon change my homeboy Vance got locked up and Joe momma died. And he turned his self to god and now he’s trying to get me there and I’m slowly but surely getting their it was just time for me to grow up trouble isn’t getting me no where I got to get my grades and get the hell out of Texarkana cause without your education you aint going to be nothing in life. I ask myself these questions everyday when I wake up. Why be a follower when you can lead? Will this make my family proud? Will this help me in life? But this just the start of my life but my future is going to be bright and I’m going to leave the dark in the past don’t live for the moment life for your future.

© Copyright 2017 Tracy009. All rights reserved.

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