Made sick by all of this, poisoned by your hypocrisy.
All that you taught me about morals,
I hardly see any of in you anymore.
But I press on, trying hard not to give in to your increasing madness,
But it sometimes becomes too difficult to resist,
The aura which you produce;
Pleasing to the untrained eye, like a caramel apple.
Its delicious skin concealing the poison which lies within it,
And though I know what hides in that apple,
I am still forced to eat it, day after day
And every time I do I can feel it
The slow decaying of that which I have known to be good
And yet when I feed you the same poison
You spit it back in my face
And curse me for daring to do such a thing to you
Shrunken and weakened by all of this
Your verbal beatings becoming too much to bear
Becoming less and less able to fend against it,
The weight of your discriminating words dragging me through the mud,
I begin to submit myself to it,
Allowing it to happen, unable to fight it
And later, when no one is around,
When no one is there to see me, to stop me,
When I am too weak and unwilling to stop myself,
I allow myself to fall into the bloody pool
And as I drag the blade across my skin,
Feeling the pain which it produces,
But also feeling some of the poison drain out with the blood
Knowing that what I am doing is wrong, but unable to resist.
And as I sit there, letting some of the poison drain away,
I am shocked by the fact that I have been reduced to this,
But am unable to stop the madness, unable to fight the feeling,
Having been made numb by all the pain I have endured
And continue to endure
Tell me, do you even know the poison of your words?
Surely you must. Surely, you must know what you are doing.
You must! For, even if you hadn’t known,
Surely you would have discovered by now
What your discrimination has reduced me to.
Surely you must understand what has happened here!
Surely you must! Only a fool would not know!
The idea that you might, by some slim chance, not understand,
Is only a fleeting thought, for even I know better.
But yet I still love you? What sort of madness could have caused this?
I try to deny it, but in the end I know the truth, so dark and cold as it is.
But it cannot be! Surely this could not have happened to me!
But yet I know it has, and I know that I will forever be
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