Trent's Fun Sex Tips for Men

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

lots of fun sex tips for romantic evening

trents fun sex tips

by trent

 

Hello, my name is Trent and I am a semi-professional sexing advisor. You might engage in coitus now and then, but perhaps you do not take any pleasure from guiding your “deep-sea submarine” into her “Mariana Trench”. That’s why I am here to give you a helping hand. Here are some tips for you all to snack on.

 

  • Shout “MOM” during penetration, but then say you’re just kidding. You will both have some laffs over that one.
  • Have sex, but try not crying this time.
  • Put on a backwards baseball cap. That will make you cool, and girls love cool guys. (Put on two backwards baseball caps for double the pleasure!)
  • Do not break eye contact. Do not look away at any point. Even after finishing, maintain firm eye contact. If you use a condom, map out the room first so you can successfully toss it in the garbage can without looking (Kobe!)
  • Tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever been with. You don’t have to tell her she’s the only girl you’ve ever been with.
  • If you get a good rhythm, and she starts moaning “yes” or “oh yeah” or some shit, whisper under your breath “will you marry me?” When she says “yes” again you will be officially married under United States law, and there is nothing better than married sex.
  • If you finger her during pirate-themed role play, don’t use your hook hand.
  • Looks are nice, but nothing turns on women more than your brain. When placing your brain inside her, be patient and don’t be afraid to apply lube liberally. (Editor’s Note: Uh, what? Nope. Don’t try this one.)
  • Take her pleasure into account as well. Don’t be selfish. Reciprocate oral sex. Ask her which Cannibal Corpse song she would like to play in the background while you co-mingle. Take a break during penetration and bake her a cake. A well timed “Cake Break” will really get her going.
  • Be sure to hit her G-spot. People say this is hard to find, but all you really have to do is look for the large, glowing, neon letter “G” in her vagina.
  • Casually mention during sex that you know over ten yo-yo tricks. If she asks to see, grab your nearby yo-yo and perform them gladly. If you don’t have a nearby yo-yo, you should probably stop sucking so hard at life.
  • Surprise her when she comes home from work. When she walks into the bedroom, jump out wearing a sexy Easter Bunny outfit. (Not recommended if you aren’t living together, she has a tremendous fear of rabbits, or she doesn’t actually know who you are.)
  • Have someone else be your body double for sex. Odds are good they’re way better at it than you are.

 

Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed these fine sexing tips and are on your way to many naughty evenings. Toodle-oo!


Submitted: December 05, 2014

© Copyright 2021 trentomento. All rights reserved.

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