The night was dark and still, my mind was perplexed and confused, mixed thoughts, unfulfilled memories is all I recall. Standing their alone in the darkness, shivering cold, as the snow fell down on my pale skin, blending in horrifically. The snow was like my tears, frozen. I waited there for him for over an hour, I knew where he was, as if it took a genius to work out. Everyday I come to find myself thinking the same horrendous thoughts and magnificently not breaking down inside. I grew weary of his lies and grew weary of him constantly being late, I wasn't even concerned, I just abolish it from my thoughts and try to lead a happy life with my children and him. I knew that it was about time I set him free from this nightmare that we call a relationship, the fact is that it's not working it's broken into millions of pieces of unhappiness and the tears we shed over the passing years. I knew he loved me, I loved him too, but it wasn't working, our hearts was somewhere else. I knew where my heart lied and so did he, that's why it would never bother me that he was cheating on me, for I was being unfaithful to him in my memories and in my thoughts.
From a distance I can see the car coming, it was a Mercedes, I hate to say that he loved the car more than he loves me and it makes me think sometimes that he loves Linda, that's was the cars name, more than he loves his own children. He pulled up on the curve cautiously trying very hard not to damage the paint work. He wines down the window to allure me, the car reeked of her perfume, but I knew not to say anything, I just got into the car with knowledge of what my husband is truly like. I sit their half heartedly asking him how his day was, not like I cared. He slightly looks over the steering wheel, staring dauntingly into my eyes, his green eyes reminded me why I love him every time I look inside of them. He tells me that he had a late meeting and still didn't think to apologise for his late arrival to pick me up, the third time in a row. The anger grew from deep inside my stomach to my brain, my blood was boiling with fury, but I didn't want to make it clear, I didn't want to create another argument, I was tired. He then asks me how my day was and I just shrugged my shoulders and tried to avoid the question because I knew he didn't care, he just wanted to create a conversation, not to have a row again. He calls me baby, as if I was his prize position, he touches me with one hand and still controlling the car with the other, he rubs my leg trying to influence sex, he was trying to arouse the old feelings that was once blazed fire. I looked at him and he looked at me softly as if he loved me, he melted my ice cold heart and I just fell into his web like a weak insect.
Michael, I said his name tenderly lost into the moment, I repeated it. I'm officially gone now. With every nerve in my body I was excited to get home, so was he.
Finally we are home and the fire is still blazing strong, the feeling reoccurring again, over and over again and now I am lost in sensation. A feeling took me over when he grabbed me and throw me down onto the bed, he ripped my cloths off, every touch and every kiss took my body into paradise and lose my soul in a fantasy. He kissed me tenderly and slowly down my body and I moan and groan for more. He touched me all over, I call out his name in a hot rush and grasp him tightly, I didn't want to let go, I didn't want it to stop, it was what I wanted and I knew he wanted me. Suddenly, unaware the feeling of the dark love that I knew struck back to my attention like lightening and in a flash the feeling had already gone. It hurts me inside to push his strong, muscular body off me, but in that same moment I was jealous, angry and mostly sad because I that same moment, that second I realised how much I loved him. He moved and sat on the edge of the bed disappointed and frustrated. That minute as I looked at him grasping for air at the edge of the bed filled me great love for him, a feeling that had never crossed me before, a feeling that I thought that I would never feel, I knew it wasn't the same feeling I felt when we first got married, the feeling I felt was more extreme, more like love struck me, my heart was beating like thunder. Inside me was a little voice calling his name and calling for his body. As the tears fell down my eyes like a water fall it took him less than a second to come to my aid, he took my left hand, the hand in which our wedding ring was on and kissed my ring finger and told me that he loved me, still I failed to believe what he was saying. I pulled away from him unwillingly and the rush of love grew as he got closer to me.
I couldn't take it, I couldn't take what I knew and believed and I couldn't fool myself.
He was not my husband anymore from that moment on, he was another man that I fell in love with all over again.
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