I remember all my friends from the Rebel Army but most of them were filthy and barmy.
How can you live with people who think that being a rebel you have to stink?
My killer robot is my best friend he saved my life at Newton’s bend.
The Mutant army was camped in a dell I rolled a barrel bomb down and sent them to hell.
Why do they still function when they are blown to bits?
It’s enough to send me to the pits.
It’s unnerving seeing a severed head trying to talk or a single leg hopping and trying to walk.
Stinky McKenzie knew what was what he would pick up the bits and put them in a pot.
The other people in our crew didn’t have a clue what was in the stew.
Laurie Dingle was one of our mates she was married to a guy called Luke.
She didn’t know what the stew contained, when we told her boy did she puke.
She would let the boys have their way with her, sometimes all at once.
Mutants caught them at it one day they saved Dingle but blew the boys away.
I was upwind having a crap when I heard the scrap but there was nothing I could do.
When I got back the whole place was black with bits of my friends on trees.
What could I do but sit down and scratch I just couldn’t get rid of the fleas.
All the boys were scattered around like confetti at a wedding.
But first things first the fleas had to go I had to get rid of my bedding.
I stripped down to bathe in the river so mucky ten minutes later I came out
as dirty but boy was I lucky.
One of the Mutants had come back for his bag which was hanging on a tree, it contained an assortment of female adornments I guess he was a transvestite?
A transvestite Mutant I had never heard of but no matter whether her or he, my robot shot him in the rear and it blew him all over me.
Now I will have to bathe again there was more of the gore on me than the floor.
Two hours later I was at the Mutants camp they were having their way with Dingle.
There were forty odd Mutants standing in a line I knew this was my moment.
I told my robot to stay in the trees while I crept up behind them on my knees.
I stood up to shoot but to my surprise my pants fell down around my thighs.
The Mutants turned around they were having a fit, I pulled the trigger and blew them to bits.
Luckily Dingle was fine apart from the swine who was still trying to fondle her, he only had an arm and part of a leg which was now just a peg but his hand was clutching her bosom.
I shoved it away with a look of dismay as Dingle gazed at me.
Let’s get away from here she said I’m losing my sanity.
I said no wonder you’re sad it’s a blessing you’re not mad, come, we’ll make our way to town.
As we set off to walk some of the bits that could talk said, ‘We’ll get you yet.’
I looked down with disgust at the mess and the pus and gave them a second helping.
They exploded in fire and fell in the mire, oh, what a sight.
Dingle was shaking and I was quaking, we walked for a while she started to smile I asked what happened to your husband?
She said he got blown up in a train and it altered his brain then they turned him into a Mutant.
I said, my God what a future he’s going to have. She said no it’s OK you shot him today he was one of the Mutants inline.
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