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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

and now your lips are quivering.....

I only wish I could be as beautiful as I used to be, and that these keys weren't so loud. I wish I these tears weren't dripping down my face and the stereo wasn't so quiet. I wish I had never gotten sick, I wish I was well again, but maybe truth be told, I've always been crazy. I'm sure I always have been, maybe finally, I've gone off the edge, plunging deep into the darkened mind of my current state. Or is it currently the darkened state of mind? As much as it doesn't matter, it bugs me not to know the correct way to say this. Though either way, you probably won't understand. I don't expect you to, maybe its because in all honesty, I neither understand, but maybe it's because I'm alone, and no one has ever felt in such a way. Of course as you read this, your shaking your head, thinking, poor sad girl, feeling alone, so what else is new, everyone feels alone sometime, but you don't quite understand. Not just yet.

First of all, theres Mike, my wonderful, amazing, Mike. The boyfriend of choices, what a lucky girl am I. Thank the lord for that boy, not that I believe in Jesus or any of that junk. For if I did I would believe he is one sick bastard with a bad sense of humor, and I would do anything but worship him. Back to Mike, he's a serious one, we shouldn't play games, therefor meaning I shouldn't play games, for he has a heart as good as gold that one. But here I am going off when I should be explaining, I love the boy, with all my heart, but my heart loves more then one soul, or maybe its my body. Its the teenage lust that overtakes me, and I melt, in the palm of his hand, of many a hands I have melted, and still will. I would like to blame such a thing, as lust, for problems that have arisen, but no such thing can be bothered with, I am simply sick, in the mind, by choice, maybe, but not completely.

As I write this, the tears have stopped, and the mind has numbed, for my body is sleeping with prince Valium and his twins tonight. All that said, this food tastes of cardboard, and my mind has wandered to the radios soft hallowing. I'm sure a beauty of music emits from the speakers above me, but my ears have no reason nor right to receive such a thing. Such sweet things they have heard, and tucked deep inside, so deep down that my mind cannot reach them, even as its hands reach so far, just to remember a little insight of everything I had, before it all came to a crumble.

One thing you do not know, as you read this, is in my own way, I am predicting my future, and what is to come, as this game is getting old and my body grows weary, and my mind, has lost its will to live, as have I. The clock reads 10:08, but I'm not sleepy, my body is sore, but my mind is willing. It wants to tell such a story, of a beautiful young girl, but knows it mustn't lie to such an avid reader. So I am to assume you are such a reader, for your still reading, and thoughts are wondering through you head, wondering just what I am up to in such a state. And maybe only I could speak of such things.

This boy, he makes the butterflies fly, but maybe thats Prince Valium tickling my belly from the inside, asking for a friend. I would devour Mike, in a night, to give the prince some company, but alas, such an event has not yet occurred. Ah, such lust has captured me again, in dreams of his company. But in such a state, all that can be remembered, is cool fingertips among such softness of untouched skin by such strangers of hands among the abdomen. Prince Valium had never been so pleased, such tickles filled me, allowing my boldness to shine through, regrettably no more memory can be reached, as my state of mind had been more than compromised.

Such a night, of truly venomous sins should be set in such a box with a lock and no key to match, to one day be broken open, and shared with an open-hearted world. For a world with cold hearts shalt not understand such a night, and its impinging taste burnt upon such young souls. And one day, if the box is to be broken, as to say the depths of such souls are reached, it could be said that someone will infer the night as a thing of beauty. As I see the night, as an adventure of souls, where deep waters were tested with a leap. And instead of a small imprint, his kisses left a deep impression, in the heart, where they are secrets meant to be kept.

This story has become off track, as you surely can see, but this boy, has given me such a gift, that it must be shared in such a world as this. I have come to believe that in this world we are constrained to is not one commonly open to such nights,and forgiving of such nights, as I have learned. But nights of these are for the open minded, and adventurous souls, willing to take chances, and put themselves out, for the world to test.

So it may be seen this way, upon a late summer nights drunk, that such events often occur, and always end in destruction. But that is to a common drunk, although such things of that nature have passed my lips and twisted my mind,i am no commoner. And in this world, it may be true, that the young drink for the fun, the warm feeling of the company, and the acceptance of being numb, but who is to say that among them I am just another one. Who is to say I am not? I believe to be a thing of the past as a drinker such as this, for I have experienced the night of such things, that only swim as dreams in minds of others.

As we walked with such a stance of swirling smoke, into the world outside, the subdued light turned to a suns golden rays, showing off this worlds state of pollution. And only then, I had not yet known, the way our hands, fit together like a grain of sand among stones, small yet a flawless fit. My little hand enclosed in his larger hand, entwining fingers, fingertips against cool skin. Not to say, I did not feel the warmth, and the way prince Valium gave a little tickle to my tum. My mind alas, was among other things, wandering eyes along his face. My eyes scanned it such as a stalker to its prey and made a picture, the only picture my minds outreaching hands can grasp hold of and take in. It wasn't just the way of it, or how the light stressed such marvelous features, it was about it, and the way of its meaning. I can suppose, such a reader as yourself, may not understand such things, but I am not one to make assumptions, for I do not know you, as you do not know me.

I imagine how you could say the meaning of it all, is in all the surprises from something we often see as so small. As his eyes, oh those eyes, I could swim in them forever, but when you take even a small glimpse inside them, you reach depths you never knew existed, you suddenly understand they have such meanings as understanding you yourself and they show a true look of curiosity still. I never quite understood how one could talk with their eyes, until into his I looked, and took a listen, they revealed everything in a way, which was ever so knavish. But they ask for nothing more, then for you to take a listen every so often, and slowly as you begin to fall knee deep into them, they beg you, to love them.

Every feature may beg for such things, but not every attribute has the meaning of being loved. Such as the nose that graces his face, its whole meaning to me, is simple as such, as making one fall in love with such perfection, and have one who cannot get enough. Not so often do you hear of such things, but with one quick glimpse, or lingering look, you my reader, may understand what I convey. So on and on I go, exciting you with every word, dear reader, I'm not even close to finished, for he, is my world.

I know what your mind is pondering, what about his lips, oh reader, such a mind you have, if it blends in thoughts of mine as I am to assume it is. How can I explain, to one who has not experienced such a taste of heaven,or glimpse through its pearly gates. They can make you melt, as they slightly part, slowly moving to touch yours, and then they touch, his lips against yours. And a daze takes you over, you feel vertiginous, as if the world might fall from beneath your feet. You lose your breath, as if he pulls it from in you, away with his kiss, and you feel as if only that kiss will bring it back. But then he kisses you again, and your grow weak in the knees. I have never felt such a touch as such as his lips on mine. Smooth as silk and another beau ideal.

Now I have your lips quivering, wishing such things of grace could come into even reach of your lips. In the deep dark of the nights blanket, I can picture such things, only one could wish to have everyday, every hour. Just to reach my hands out, and to place them on his cheeks running them down his soft skin to his jawline, and to pull him in, just for such a kiss, just one, would keep my mind on his lips, all day long. Dreams can only reach to the outer parts of reality, and with a simple reach, my dreams can only become deeper dreams, hoping and wishing for such realities every night and day.

Oh the mind has created such pictures in your head now, with wispy hairs astray across a pale face, and a jawline that accents such intense lips.

Submitted: December 18, 2009

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