Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Pie.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A story about a fat spy.

Submitted: July 25, 2012

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Submitted: July 25, 2012



John le Cake was a special agent. He had been assigned a mission to scout an area and report back to base, however the problem he was facing was that he was at least six foot tall weighing around 230pounds, and the plan was to enter through the vents, so you could see he was in trouble, and then place recording devices around the building, so that the 'organisation' could  hear about potential terrorist activity. John le Cake had regularly been ridiculed by his peers, and was determined to prove to them that he deserved his place in the 'organisation', and that it wasn't just a mix up in paperwork that saw him land the job. Just this morning George Frowney had asked if he would like a particularly delicous looking cream puff, John was starving - he hadn't eaten since breakfast, and had missed his daily pasty and sausage roll at 10:30am due to a meeting. So Agent Cake accepted the cream puff, and took no time taking that first big mouthful, he noticed something wasn't quite right, it was a little sour with a hint of salt. "You might want to watch out for those horse semen puffs Cakey boy!" shouted George Frowney bursting into a fit of laughter, Frowney's laughter attracted a small crowd, and soon news travelled about what had happened, everyone was laughing at him - even Will Haydon was laughing, and he never laughed. So John le Cake finished the puff and stormed out.

Determined to be taken seriously Cake decided to try to get into shape for his mission in a few days. A few changes he made included; instead of using the remote he would get up and change the channel on the TV (although this often led to him just watching the same channel all night), also he used to walk to the corner shop, when previously he drove, in turn he found the money he saved on petrol meant he could buy more pies, win win. After three days Cake felt he was in the shape of his life, he told this to another agent and they said why didn't he get weighed to see if he had lost weight, Cake refused. Briefing time, Cake was in the main meeting room with Frowney, Haydon, Esterhose, Roy Bright, Percy Out-of-line and Controller. The mission was simple get in, get out, without being spotted. Out-of-line was questioning the decision to assign Cake to this mission, "Percy you are totally out of line!" blurted out Controller - who was the leader of the group dubbed the 'Carnival'. "His selection for this mission has got nothing to do with the fact he is marrying my son" continued the Controller, "I never said that was wh-" Percy was cut off, "And if they want to place cucumbers inside of each other, what has that got to do with any of us" shouted the Controller now getting angry, "I know, it has nothi-" Percy was cut off again, "If they choose to consummate their love for one another by putting furry rodents up each others backsides WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANY OF US!" screamed the Controller, he was panting now, he was in no fit state to be getting angry like that, Will Haydon stepped in and called the meeting off, as Cake left, from the corner of his eye he could have sworn he saw Haydon getting undressed in the room with Controller, but he couldn't be certain.

John le Cake took a deep breath, he was just outside the compound he was about to attempt to penetrate. He walked up to the wall when he heard a shout, "Hey! What are you doing!" shouted the voice, "Don't worry I'm with the Carnival" replied Cake. He was shot dead. Cake hadn't had an easy life, he was constantly bullied by everyone, even his own mother, who used to ram pizza down his throat screaming "YOU LIKE THAT DON'T YOU FATTY". But he is at peace now and will always be remembered as the homosexual man who had a passion for cock, but an even bigger passion for Pies.

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