Sweeter Fruits and The Veggies

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
I wrote this with my friends Jack and Rob, and we won the "Humor award" at our Highschool for it! If you don't like cheesy puns then don't bother, but you'll be missing out!

Submitted: July 18, 2013

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Submitted: July 18, 2013

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I live in a town, separated by gangs. Two specifically, the Sweet Fruits the preppy well-dressed of the food groups, and The Veggies, the roughneck, leathery, leafy green gang that ran the streets. My mother has tried to convince me to leave both alone, that they might be good for you, but they don’t taste it. As soon as I walked into that high school people were looking at me funny, couldn’t tell what I was. I’m just a confused tomato living in a world where it doesn’t help to not know what you are. My name; is Guillermo, and that name wouldn’t get me far without any green leaves or a sweet taste; I had neither.

When I was approached by the leader of The Veggies, an asparagus named Kevin.

“Yo kid, you new here?”  Said the assertive asparagus.

“Si, it is my first year.” I responded.

“Ah, cool so you like a freshmen or something?” He said in an odd accent.

“No, I am a senior I went to Starchless high.”

“Ha-ha, those potatoes be trouble ay?” He said sarcastically. He then shook my hand and introduced himself, offering me a position in the Veggies, I told him I’d think about it. Later that day I met a fruit, the leader of the Fruits to be exact; his name was Adrian, he was a red Apple. Although, he was just a little stuck up.

“Hey kid you look like a sweet one, how’d you like to join the Sweet Fruits.” He said with a quiet sarcasm and tone that you just couldn’t like.

“I don’t know yet, I’ll get back to you on that.” He gave me an odd look and walked off; as he walked away he popped his collar like he was someone important, and snapped his fingers at the hot cherries walking by, they giggled and trotted off together.  The school day continued on very slow, I met all sorts of foods, tubers, Vegetables, fruits, you name a food I probably met them. Some of the Veggies were also like Kevin, seemed like nice guys, but sounded like they had ulterior motives. Couple of Carrots named Clyde and Mike, an Orange named Seymour, and a big Watermelon named Paul. The Sweet fruits seemed a lot more sarcastic, like they were better than everyone else. I sat in geology class, very important for any growing plants. The only problem with the class was sitting behind the twins, Brussel Sprouts to be specific. Bruce and Ross, annoying little veggies that would not stop talking about Cabbage man, the cook book super hero who could beat any criminal, sautéing  them into submission. I never got into cook books myself, all that fantasy about vegetables and other food groups working together to create the perfect dish. I don’t think that perfect dish exists, no way all food groups can get along, especially those candies they act all sweet but they will not sit well if you are with them to much in one setting. But this isn’t the story about a perfect dish, it’s my story.

After I got home that day my mother was very pushy about me telling her about my first day at Healthy foods high. ‘No mom, I’m not joining a gang.’ I would repeat over and over but every time I past her she would ask something hinting at that. Dinner was awkward, couldn’t really enjoy my fertilizer with her pestering me like an aphid on my leaf. That night was stressful; I was tempted to join one of the gangs just to spite her. I had no idea what I was going to do on the next day of school, so I decided to go to bed early and think of what I would do.

 

******

I walked into school the next day and saw her. Beautiful, sweet looking, a strawberry, she looked so ripe. She walked by me almost in slow-mo, I tried to say something but the only thing that came out of my mouth was “Like your stem.” After that she gave me a sour look, like I was just another bitter provision. She strut away in disgust and just then I looked at myself to see if my seeds were showing, embarrassed I quickly walked to my first period class. I ignored my embarrassment and like any teenager replaced it with anger. Just then Kevin Asparagus approached me,

“So kid, you wanna join the Veggies or what?”

“I’ll do it.” I said in haste and anger.

“Good taste kid you won’t regret it.”

I soon realized what I had done, got myself into the middle of a gang war between fruits and vegetables. I didn’t care. I dawned my human leather jacket, with the patch ‘The Veggies’ on the sleeves. I walked the halls acting tough, and healthy, people really thought I was a Veggie. Other fruits gave me dirty looks; I gave them the leaf and walked on. When I got home that day my mother looked at me with a sad shine about her, juice ran down her face and I felt nothing, the day wasn’t that bad, I just thought if I can’t get along with fruits, The Veggies must be for me, I became, hard, bitter and no one wanted a taste of this tomato. I got a call that night from Clyde Carrot, telling me there’s a meet up in the alley in between the Leaf salon and the Ricenese place. I snuck out my window that night, and met up with The Veggies.

“So boys ya hear about dat Ricenese shop next door?” Bruce said.

“Nah what happened?”

“Some Burrito kid almost got shot by the owner!” He laughed.

“Haha, that burrito must have been filled with beans, am I right fellas!” Everyone laughed at Kevin’s joke. We sat there for a while just talking about nothing, as growing Veggies do. After a while The Fruits came;

“What are you doing in our alley you bitter-sweet outgrowth?” Kevin yelled out. “You know the streets are ours, so why don’t you just go home and chill in that fridge of yours.”

“You know better than that Asparagus. These are our streets, an uneducated, insipid vegetable such as your self could never rule out here.” Said Adrian Apple.

“You think you’d know better.” Said a Carrot, as he took a switchblade out of his pocket. “Come on Granny Smith.”

As soon as he ended that sentence, is when everything started getting weird. A strange tune broke out in the background; it almost seemed I was the only one who noticed it. And the Veggies and Fruits approached each other in an odd fashion, snapping their fingers as they got closer, performing dance spins and they fought like they were in a Broadway play. It felt as if I was in a dream, just then the TV went on in the Leaf Salons window.

 Breaking news: Botanists have discovered that tomatoes are not actually a vegetable! I repeat tomatoes are not actually vegetables! The latest science proves without a doubt that tomatoes are fruit!

 

I felt seedsick, the pressure waved over me like a hamburger bun. The Veggies looked steamed, fruits sat back in sweet victory knowing they have won this battle. I felt dizzy, I closed my eyes. Just then I awoke to a cold feeling, I was wet and I couldn’t move it felt as if I was laying on something cold and wooden. I looked up and watched the steel blade come down and cut me in pieces, I tried to scream but couldn’t, I felt my delicious juice drain out from my body. I could feel myself being diced into small squares, and thrown into the pan to be cooked, I saw around me other diced vegetables, fruits and even chicken bits. Then he sprayed this odd tasting liquid over us, I could feel myself hiccup but no sound came out, the last thing that I felt was fire going over me, my fate flambéed.


© Copyright 2020 Tucker Haase. All rights reserved.

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