We lost what we had

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
I lost him. . .

Submitted: December 10, 2011

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Submitted: December 10, 2011

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I lost him.

Everything I ever wanted, everything id been planning, everything we had. I’ve lost it all.

I’m not even sure how.

Yeah we had our problems but I thought we were strong enough to work through it. I thought that as long as we had each other we would be okay. I was wrong.

They were also really wrong when they said ‘love conquers all’.

Sometimes love isn’t enough.

I love him. I thought he loved me.

When do you tell when someone has stopped loving you? I thought I would have noticed, I thought I would have been able to tell when things changed for us but I didn’t notice, I couldn’t tell. How messed up is that. I live with the guy, we’ve been together nearly 2 years and I still couldn’t work out when his feelings for me changed.

Everything happened so fast = [ in the morning it was all like ‘come meet me sweetie’ then that same night it was ‘I can’t take this anymore, I don’t want to be with you’! I mean what the hell right?! I have like no idea what happened!

It’s been like 4 days since it happened and I still don’t understand why! My head is so fucked up its unreal! I can’t make sense of anything right now and I’m constantly on edge and always seconds from tears!

I miss him. I miss the small things.

We have a flat together with another 4 months on the lease so neither one of us can leave. We are both stuck here in this small one bedroom flat with everything going on, and it’s honestly horrible! I don’t know how to act, what to say, what to do, anything! It’s all such a mess. I mean how do you get over someone, how do you move on and deal with being dumped when you have to see them 24/7. It’s like impossible! It really is! It’s such a mindfuck as well!

He does this thing where he freaks out and gets all protective when I don’t eat and shite, he gets really weird about it, but then he goes back to not caring within seconds! I’m not sure which side is real, the caring side or the not caring side. It’s hard to understand.

And. . . . things are still happening. . .between us. I mean it’s hard not. . . I love him. I’m just not sure if he’s now using me or not.

I honestly don’t get what is going on or what is going to happen.

I don’t see how I can survive the next 4 months like this it is tearing me apart.


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