Once upon a time everything was perfect. Once upon a time, the clouds were white and the sky baby blue. Once upon a time I laughed. Once upon a time I loved. Then the grey clouds came and the sky turned black as tears rained down from heaven. My laughter faded to silence and my heart crumbled to pieces. My love faded away into the mist leaving me alone in the middle of a blackened field without a single thought.
“Melanie you’ll soon be up.” I look up as the voice brings me back to reality. I’m surrounded by pale white walls that seem to cave in and suffocate me by the passing minute. I smile weakly and nod. Smiling is hard. Once it was so easy to do. All I had to do was spread my lips and there it was, a smile. Now it’s like torture. I try to smile. It’s painful. When I force my lips apart, a smile comes out by it doesn’t reach my heart. It doesn’t reach my soul. It’s all a lie. Smiling just reminds me of everything; of him. Of our stupid mistakes and the decision I have to make.
Pictures cover the white walls, hiding the death that goes on in this place. Pictures of unborn babies fill the walls like a collage. I wonder why pictures of foetus are pasted on the wall. Maybe these are the children they ripped out of their mother’s womb. I shudder at the thought and try to think of another explanation. None comes to mind. I turn my head. There’s no one here but me and the receptionist. It’s me and her alone in a room surrounded by death.
I touch my stomach and try not to cry. It’s not my fault I’m pregnant. It’s not my fault I can’t keep the baby. I try reasoning with myself that it’s better to let you die than bring you into a world were you’ll not be loved.
It was a stupid mistake falling for him. I knew the warning signs. I had seen them but I still dated him, telling myself I loved him. Keeping his happy was my main goal. Keeping him in my arms was all I wanted. Even if it included giving myself to him...that was how you were made. You were made from harassment and pressure. That was how you came about. He left me when I told him I was pregnant. He walked away slamming the door behind him. All he had to do was call me a whore and walk away. it was so easy for him.
So that’s why I’m here, in a room surrounded by ultrasound pictures. That’s why I’m here, the only girl in this room. I’m here to wipe away your life; your existence. Please don’t hate me for it. Please don’t hold a grudge against me.
My name is called and the door is shut behind me. “Please forgive me.” I whisper as the procedure begins_
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