how can i give this a genre, it has none. the whole point of this is to share my feelings.
hey my names ailish, i write poems a lot. usually on impulse, i cant spell (e.g. ive only just learnt 'a lot' is two seperate words.) i have a boyfriend, his name is jack, hes the first guy ive been able to tell i love them since my fist boyfriend. i dont believe that kids can be 'in love' but i do believe you can love someone and when they go it will hurt more than you could ever imagine. i should know ive been there im 15 now and when i was 5( yes 5) i fell for a boy and was with him for 8 years (oh joy), of course it took me two years to get over him and he will always be a memory, but i did.
me and my boyfriend have been together since 17th december 2012, so made it through the new year. next i have to get him a valentines presant which is going TERIBLE.
in september last year my life probly changed, i guess if i really think about it, it all changed in april last year. i started cadets in october 2011 and got closer to my best friend id known since i was 5 years old. in april 2012 i started smoking, and drinking, had my first piss up and my best friend who was known for being kinda homophobic came out of the closet. along with a lot of stupid things we did that month with our other friend, WE GOT CAUGHT (never try this at home kids). but i guess it changed all three of us a lot. to this day weve had a catch frase from that night where we got smashed 'i swear to the bottom of my can sarah we didnt smoke anything in town' of course she knew, she wasnt stupid.anyway, i took up smoking and 10 months later am quiting, well trying to quit for the boyfriend.
in september of 2012, this girl. my bestfriend, the one have known all my life. got on to the wrong side of a big girl(im sorry but this girl deserves to be named and shamed SAFFRON), with no moral. with no care what so ever of her or our future. anyway this girl and her little group of 'friends' who had earlier on in the day resorted my girl into punching them which WAS defending herself. followed us into a pre school where we hid for 5 minutes but they found us. than followed us up the road and into a back alley where they grabbed my baby girl and punched her and kicked her in the head, there was about 20 of them, and even writing this makes me shake with anger, because to this day i will never be scared of them no. i am descused and by sharing this sory it has accually helped me.
anyway these girls had managed to do little damage, physically anyway. i think menatlly we are both scared for life, all i wish now was that i had done more, i tried to shield her with my body but really wished i done more. what if they had killed her, if they had bashed her skull in. i just wish id done more.
this is the girl i have gone through a life time with, this is the same girl i will always always be scared to loose. and this is the girl that i like, but i cant say to her face. not now that my mate told her she liked her and that every time i think about it pure rage and jelousy powers through me.as this is the same girl that only months befor had told me that she had a brain tumour and was dying and wouldnt live past 20, this is the same girl that sent me to bed crying. she wonders why i cant believe what she feels ??? she wonders why i anger everytime she mentions her ??
yes its strange that i like my bestriend. so what, she is my girl and she has seen me at my worst and at my best and vise versa.
that is why cadets changed my life, and that is why i am the person i am today.
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