Office Drama in Limericks
"The Sordid Tale of Three Catholics"
Katie was Troy's secretary
He was married, so he was always wary
Troy had a small crush
And would always blush
When she bended to lift books she would carry
Katie had seventeen sons
By no means was she one of the nuns
But a Vietnamese sister
One Tuesday just kissed her
And Katie grabbed her by the buns
Soon Katie loved Sr. Bernadette
It was like she was caught in a net
She fell so quickly
Her family thought she was sickly
And just a wink made her wet
It was easy to see why she fell
Bernadette was as sexy as hell
Oh that tight little habit
Made you want to grab it
And her foxy ass rang Katie's bell
But dear Katie's a good Catholic girl
She was just all caught up in the whirl
Oh the mess she was in
Cheating must be a sin
But 'twas the dyke part that made her want to hurl
So with odd twisted logic she thought
"Well I know my boss thinks I am hot"
"If I go all the way"
"Then I'm not really gay"
"And in Hell I won't have a spot"
Well this is why Christians are laughed at
Some screw up all reason just like that
Katie thought being gay
Was much worse than, say
Cheating when her husband got fat
So in order to rid her of guilt
(She surely must, or she would wilt)
It would redeem her
If she had her boss ream her
Until all his seed had been spilt
So Katie just thought she would see
If the redhead showed a little more knee
If Troy would come 'round
And act just like a hound
By ripping her shirt off with glee
Now Troy also did have a wife
With whom he was stuck to for life
But he'd never cheat
So when Katie showed heat
He was internally filled full of strife
Katie crooned, "Oh, Mr. Casteel"
(While licking her lips) "If you'd steal"
"A look at my behind"
"I sure wouldn't mind"
"In fact, the thought makes me squeal"
Troy's heart pounded hard in his chest
Now his mind he could never let rest
He did have his honor
But the chance to climb on her
Well, the thought surely must be his best
Katie called a halt with her Ling
(That's her given name, Bernadette is just bling)
Ling felt so sad
And got a little bit mad
For she really did treasure her fling
Bernadette felt humiliated
Katie was the sole one she'd dated
In all of her schools
She had played by the rules
And gotten a life that she hated
At 14 Ling came to the U.S.
Because Vietnam was a mess
She had nowhere to stay
So with nuns she did pray
Because on the streets she'd eat less
So Ling married Jesus at 20
Before she could earn any money
Bernadette she became
They forgot her real name
And the whole time she wanted some cunny
Ling didn't know what she was
For the longest time ever, because
If she talked about sex
In a convent, she'd vex
The Great Mother, who knows what she does
And so Ling grew up and she studied
Religion 'til her mind was muddied
Eventually she found work
At the Catholic Center with the perk
Of another woman with whom she'd be buddied
This other nun was very nice
She always let Ling win at dice
But she was a huge dyke
And to Father Mike
That meant she stood on thin ice
And no, Bernadette didn't do her
She was too shy to let the butch screw her
But one day, she fucked up
She brought her pride cup
To the office and then said, "Good day, sir!"
Well that was the very last straw
Now no one could ignore her flaw
The priest rushed to fire
This sweet young muff diver
And Ling never forgot what she saw
So Bernadette resolved to think straight
Or better, an asexual state
But when Katie got hired
She didn't care if she got fired
Ling thought Katie was her one true mate
For two years Ling kept it in her pants
She tried to take an androgynous stance
It grew harder and harder
'Til she felt like a martyr
And would rather have been punished by lance
Bernadette tried so hard to resist
While Katie's lips begged to be kissed
When she entered a room
Bernadette saw her doom
And when she left she was instantly missed
But Bernadette knew what to do
Prayer and fasting was the answer she knew
So with all her might
She tried so hard to fight
The thought that what she'd been taught wasn't true
"Condoms have a 90% failure rate"
"And more than that if you're not straight!"
"Pray to God to be pure"
"Or the Devil will lure"
"You to kiss before you're 68!"
So with fasting Bernadette grew so thin
And was intensly obsessed with her sin
Until one Tuesday the ginger
Touched her arm which unhinged her
Christ couldn't stop her before she gave in
And suddenly it all was just fine
Those few days when Kate called her "mine"
Surely something so good
Could not be evil, but should
Ling didn't hesitate to call it divine
But of course it all went to hell
It had to, 'twas going so well
Katie saw a burnt pine
And thought it was a sign
And realised 'twas her soul she did sell
So back at the ranch, Troy was horny
And Katie was acting so thorny
With a sexual sound
Her boss she did astound
With a phrase so cliche, it was corny:
"Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?"
Katie whimpered and Troy dropped his jaw
This was so absurd
He couldn't utter a word
You coudn't cut the tension with a saw
Ling had so much more patience than Troy
Can we blame it on being a boy?
For two minutes, not years
Did he wrestle tears
Before giving in with pure joy
"Oh fuck, this is good", Katie groaned
She touched Troy again and he moaned
He was the boss in his head
But Kate took over in bed
Though the bed was the desk that he owned
And of course who would walk in but Ling
Her eyes closed as she felt a sharp sting
Katie felt a bit bad
That she'd made Ling so sad
And Troy flinched as he looked at his ring
Troy said that it would be best
If Katie dismounted and dressed
So that's what she did
She felt like a bad kid
Troy panicked, Ling just looked depressed
"So, what happened then?" you may ask
Well, Katie lived life through a mask
She told not a soul
About her lustfull stroll
Through the tunnel of sin, to her cask
As for Troy, he didn't stay married
He shared all the guilt that he carried
His wife couldn't cope
She thought there was no hope
So her wedding dress and vows she buried
This turned out to be a good thing
When Troy finally sold his gold ring
He felt great relief
And held the belief
That he wanted more, just like Ling
Bernadette disappeared in the night
And never came back into sight
But one summer day
Ling emerged, flaming gay!
And for gay rights and marriage she did fight
Such a long story must have a moral
Something better than saying, "Don't quarrel!"
But it seems to me
That the end ought to be
A quick lesson on how to give oral
Here is Muff Muching 101:
(For my skills are second to none)
Just lick, lick, lick, lick
'Til she's panting and slick
And then with her holes have some fun!
© Copyright 2016 twitchymurdoch. All rights reserved.
Poem / Humor
Poem / Gay and Lesbian
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