HOW TO ANNOY EDWARD CULLEN!

Short Story by: twlightraingirl

Reads: 12863 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 103

50 WAYS TO TICK OFF
EDWARD CULLEN

alt

1. Prance around the house singing Madonna's 'Like a virgin' at the top of your lungs every morning.
2. Especially loud when Bella is around to hear it.
3. Running it by Charlie that Edward has been 'sleeping' with Bella for the past 2 years, at the wedding reception.
4. Hire a stripper to pop out of the wedding cake XD
5. Buy a sex-ed book and shove it in his locker, making sure that whenever he decides to open it that it falls out, in clear view of the school.
6. Make sure and tell Aro that Edward wants to elope with him.
7. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
8. Program his locker to—whenever he opens it to sing (LOUDLY)
YOU AND ME BABY AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS, SO LETS DO IT LIKE THEY DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! HERE WE GO NOW! YOU AND ME BABY AIN'T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS SO LETS DO IT LIKE THEY DO ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL! GETTIN' HORNY NOW!
And repeat. Over and over and over.
9. Tell him it was Jacob's idea.
10. Show him the Twilight trailer. Ask him if he thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it's just you.
11. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he's stupid when he won't answer your question.
12. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn't eat food.
13. Post his phone number and address on e-harmony.
14. Tell him Bella wants to elope with Paul.
15. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.
16. Steal his Vanquish and program his radio to only play Lollipop --unedited of couse. Make sure he can't turn it off or get it replaced.
17. Replace his ringtone with 'Outta my head' by Asheele Simpson. Make sure he can't change it.
18. Color on all his Bella pictures with Permanent marker.
19. Refuse to replace them.
20. Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween.
21. Get offended when he refuses.
22. Take him to Victoria's Secret with Alice.
23. Constantly whisper in his ear "Chinese Fireball....ooooooooh!" (HP REFERENCE)
24. Ask him how his bath with Harry was (HP REFERENCE.).
25. Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a dog.
26. Key his car. 'Jacob and Edward = LURVE'
27. Get him on that show 'intervention'. Make sure everyone knows he addicted to heroin.
28. Tell him you have Bella as a witness if he denies it.
29. Picture yourself naked and covered in blood. Ask him if he wants you.
30. Call him a liar when he says no.
31. Throw boysenberry flavored muffins at him every time he tries to speak.
32. Tell him Bella is pregnant and eloping with Mike Newton.
33. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.
34. Ask him if Charlie is secretly a unicorn.
35. Make him watch the Twilight movie.
36. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues.
37. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob.
38. Train the dog to follow him everywhere. P.S. Make sure he doesn't eat it.
39. Ask him why he's not as hot as Robert Pattinson.
40. Ask him if he's a virgin.
41. When he says yes, take a picture of him and tape it to the 40 year old virgin movie poster.
42. Make him watch Hairspray with you. Ask him why he's not as hot as Zac Efron.
43. When he says that he is, ask him why he wasn't the star of the singing high school people.
44. Tape porn to his walls.
45. Make sure Bella sees it.
46. Nail his CDS to the ceiling along with his Stereo.
47. Refuse to take them down.
48. Tell him Jacob thinks he's a sex god.
49. Tell him Jane thinks he's better than a sex god.
50. Start singing 'Paper cut' around him. Constantly.

Submitted: August 01, 2009

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Comments

Helen305

lol! funny. liked that hairspray one.

Sat, August 1st, 2009 6:16am

novels6255

Ha, ha, ha funny! Like all the suggestions you made! (too bad Edward isn't real...)

Sat, August 1st, 2009 6:24am

xXxLiliumxXx

haha, I've heard some of these before. Hilarious.

Sat, August 1st, 2009 6:54am

Jesyka

Lol, you had me in hysterics from #1.
Hilarious!!!
Great job!!!
LOVED #8!!!

Sat, August 1st, 2009 3:09pm

Twilightfreak16

i can just imagine edwards face if someone did all that stuff to him....he'd probaly ask the volturi to kill him again lol

Sun, August 2nd, 2009 4:33am

Mika97

LOL!!!! Really great!! I clicked I like it =D

Mon, August 3rd, 2009 6:08am

SLJONES

i really liked this well done sj

Mon, August 3rd, 2009 9:38am

connieemo1

lol very funny im a twilight fn but these are funny XD

Mon, August 3rd, 2009 3:15pm

princesshisotrywritier

i love him but this is funny

Thu, August 6th, 2009 12:43am

ximmortalfaithx

number 34 made me lol!

Sun, August 9th, 2009 3:10am

BurstOfSun

i love # 28!! (team jacob :P)

Sun, August 9th, 2009 7:49am

Freddo

Haha! I love these!!! Hehe. What's the song called you used for # 8? I always forget what it's called and who sings it. Anyway, yeah, awesome and funny!

Tue, August 18th, 2009 2:43am

Esme

lool i laughed all the way :) I like both Twilight and hp, but this one is GOOD! lol

Sat, August 22nd, 2009 5:03pm

shaddix

this actually got me to laugh! im way to used to the stupid emo girls who go "omg edward cullen is so hot!" and go home and cut themselves because they think its cool that i never thought someone would actually make fun of the one vampyre every girl swoons over.

Sun, September 13th, 2009 3:42pm