A Letter to Johnny

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

A man writes a letter to his son, basically saying goodbye and explaining what had happen in his failed relationship to his mother. This is a short story, and let me know what you think.

Greetings to all, this is a short story that is fiction, by you reading you are going to feel the emotions of a broken heart men that tried his best.

 

The setting, a man that is going through a hard time after retiring from the Army, has a young son, and beautiful lady.  They are having relationship problems that lead to suspicion, lies and mistrust.  He writes a letter to his son, his name is Johnny that is why I named this short story “A Letter to Johnny”.

 

This is dedicated to many folks, for the ones that has their heart broken and there are plenty of us that has, to the ones that has broken hearts, this is for you too.

 

Read, let me know if you can feel it.

 

 

Dear Johnny,

By the time you read and understand this letter that is intended for your eyes I hope to be in a place that I am happy, and I hope you are the same and in good health.

 

No matter what you think of me, I really do Love you and you are one of the best things that has ever happen to me, you are so precious and you have so much talent that I hope you use it for the good of yourself and whoever is in your heart.

 

I don’t want you to think for one second that you had anything to do with your mother and I failed relationship, sometimes couples break apart because at the time it is the best thing to do, other reasons when there is financial problems and someone being unfaithful, in our case it was both.  I never wanted to leave you, I always wanted to be there for you, to watch you grow into a wonderful man that I know you are going to be.  I have so much high hopes for you, and I will check on you from time to time, but you will not notice when I am there, it will be for the best.  Your mother is a fantastic and beautiful lady and I really wanted things to be better between us.

 

I want to tell you my side what I think happen, it was 22 January 2011, yes that is your Mother’s birthday.On that day she and you went to Mexico to spend time with your grandmother and at the time I was station in Costa Mesa, California.  You and your mother stayed there for 7 months, and your made the long journey to San Diego, California where I pick you and your mother up on 23 July 2011.  I am not sure what happen, but during those 7 months she was slowly falling out of high emotional state for your Dad, to her benefit she did try to recapture it but she couldn’t find the magic she once had for me no matter how hard she tried, so that was the beginning of our downfall.  We made the long trip from California to Shreveport, Louisiana and made some stops in between and we did have fun.  Once we got to Shreveport the fun was disappearing and the arguments were increasing.  It was the night of 12 January 2012 we had a discussing (more like an argument from her end), how I mess up her life and reminded me of unfulfilled or empty promises and I told her that I will leave the house on the following Tuesday (17 January 2012) and she will never hear from me again, she was quick to say yes.  After she said yes, she continue the discussion and admitted that she does not feel anything towards me which was something I had a feeling but not to that extreme “feels nothing”, that was a low and hurtful and I kept quiet, she ask me some questions and I told her that it does not matter what I say it will not change anything she has said it all with the “feels nothing” comment.  Of course this was not our first argument but it was our last, she usually is like this after drinking liquid courage, and lets out a fury on me. 

 

I will not bad mouth your mother, but I cannot say same for her as I am pretty sure she has some choice words for me that are not kind and it is okay, nothing I can do to change the way she feels.Me writing this letter to you bring me to tears as I realize this should be said face to face, I am sadden but I have always given into your mother wishes, even leaving you behind.  During one of our discussions (yes liquid courage was involved), she told me that she was going to get another man that treats her and you better, I hope she found what she was looking for.  I wish I was a millionaire, I wish I was taller, I wish for many things but never breaking her heart was one, and I am not sure if I did so, I believe my heart is the one that was broken into pieces that cannot be put back together.  At the time of this writing, I really do Love your mother but for Love to be successful it has to come from both parties no matter how bleak the situation Love will always pull you though as long you have each other and that was the problem, I had my arms open wide and reaching out for her and all I was grabbing was air!

 

I suspected your mother in cheating, it was a gut feeling but there were some evidence to support my claim, phone calls at odd hours and also on holidays from Austin, Longview, Huntsville and even a famous text from your mother hometown in Mexico…remember what I said about those 7 months you and her spent there? She will never admit it, but I do deserve in hearing the truth straight from her and I did tell her what I suspected but she has a way with words, she should have been a lawyer, she would have been a great one.  Your mother has always Love you, from the time she found out that she was going to have you to every time I see her look at you, it has been always with pure Love, and I know that will always continue from her.

 

I am not close to being perfect, I have try my best and that wasn’t good enough.  Your mother and I in some form were together for 8 years, a few of those years we were separated by distance but for the most part we were together.  I will always cherish the memories she has given me and we had a lot of great ones, and always will be thankful for the beautiful son she put into this world for me. 

 

Just remember always do your best and work hard at everything, it will pay off.  Always move forward and now and then look over shoulder to see what you left behind…that is what I am doing.

 

From your Loving Father, I miss you with every emotion I have…be good as I will always see you as my little angel.

 

Your Father

 

P.S. - The Story or Ongoing drama continues

 

Well I did not leave on 17 January 2012, things cool off a bit but the arguing has started again.  Your Mother lie to me saying she was going to her sister place, and she did just to drop you off and go out with somebody that happen on the night of 02 February 2012.  She started to put seeds in your Aunts Head that I don’t allow her to have friends and that is a total lie, I am not a control freak, I just don’t like to be lied too especially in my face, who does!  I am trying so hard to keep my composer as I am on the edge of crossing the line and I am afraid that it is going to get violent. 

 

Today is 10 February 2012, your Mother and you just came back from Dallas after two days there, she went to see her “Husband” (a long story there) to proceed with a divorce that she has been seeking.  She called me this morning and invited me to have breakfast at Ihop and I thought that was sweet of her and I accepted, there are two in the general area and she ask me to pick one and I figure she just drove 4 hours, I pick the closest one, to me that makes sense, we left the house started the trip and she was driving a little fast and missed her turn, she try to play it off and said I am going to the other one, I figure no big deal.  Than on the trip she started to nag, and saying I was yelling at her, in no way I was yelling I swear to that, I am a type of person that I have to defend myself, either verbal or physical and I started in a calm matter to tell her few things and she said for now on I am doing my own thing by myself, I said having you been doing that already, she got mad even more and I told her just take me back home, maybe I should not use the word home since it hasn’t been for some time.

 

As expected she threw me out again, I responded with silence.  My inner rage is building and I don’t know how much more I can maintain my control.  I could never imagine that I have started to develop a hatred for her, from extremely in Love now to a disgusting feeling of pure sorrow.I now regret retiring from the Army, I regret ever trying to mend the bonds of togetherness with her, but I will never regret you.  I am really alone now, sadness run though my blood until tears roll down from my eyes.  I can’t go on living in this situation, it is not going to get any better and I am so afraid that the worst is still to come if I stay.  Communication between us is none existence, I have tried. 

 

Today is 11 February 2012, she comes from work not too sure what she was doing the next thing I know I hear the door open and she left again, with you.  I was expecting to take care of you as she needs to rest from work, I have sent a couple of messages and called and nothing in return.  This is her way of telling me just to go and do not return.  Realism has struck me hard, this is really the end, not needed, not Loved, just someone taking up space in her place.  Wow, I can’t believe this is really happening, this is like a movie with a bad ending.  I will end up looking like the guy who abandoned his son.

 

Today is 12 February 2012, still holding on to a glimpse of hope, it is not going to happen.  I heard a phone ring, it wasn’t mine or your mother’s phone.  I thought I am hearing things and I blew it off until I heard it again and it was coming from the master bedroom where your mother was sleeping.  I just stood there in the dark seeing if I can hear it again, I thought it was a little strange so I left the room and ponder.  Your mother got up and took a shower to get ready for work, I went into her purse, pull out her wallet and there it was another phone, a pink Motorola Razor cell phone, kind of old and I thought that was odd.  My first thought was that your mother had found it at work and was holding it for a customer than I open it up and saw the number that had previously sent her a text on the morning of 02 February 2012, (that is how I knew she went out that night) and I was in disbelief and I felt my heart breaking apart even more.  I put everything back and I stayed very calm, your mother came out of the bathroom and she was putting on makeup and I mention to her that I heard a  phone ring, twice…she said that she did not hear anything, and her phone battery was low and I might of heard that, I said it wasn’t that and I ask again are you sure you didn’t hear anything, I was giving her a chance and she look at me like I was stupid and said I don’t know what you are talking about.  I just sat there with my head down, tears forming in my eyes and I even started to laugh, I knew she saw me but it didn’t matter.  Crazy thoughts running though my head but I have a rule, never fight for a woman heart, it is yours or it’s not…it’s that simple.  I wanted to tell her but I think it will make the matter even worst, so I am still pack and ready to go, I am thinking about going to the homeless shelter and stay there for a while until I am able to put myself back together mentally or just do the unforgiving so my inner suffering will be put to rest.

 

Today 13 February 2012, I had trouble sleeping as I can’t stop thinking how your mother thinks that I am dumb, and to be honest I am feeling that I am.  I thought about going to her work and take pictures of her and the new friend she has, than I said what will that fix, nothing, maybe it will put my mind at ease.  I looked into your mother’s jewelry to see if there was something new, I saw an empty jewelry box in her car and wonder what was in there, well I found a brand new gold necklace with a charm, it looks like a gift.  I am not shocked, where there is another person involved usually they will shower with gifts and flowers to win the heart.  Looks like my action seems to be a person that lacking the guts or fortitude to do anything, it is easy to say I am trying to be the better man but that is usually a cop out and goes back to lack of balls.  I believe silence is the solution for now, even though it is tearing me apart from the inside.  She comes home late at 11:30 AM, claims she was getting gas…hmmmmm, does it take an hour to put in gas trust me I done it on more than a few times and it doesn’t.  She sat down in the living room, I went over there also and we talked very civil mostly about her employment how they are firing people.  She started to cook breakfast and I notice she laid her purse on the floor in the dinette area so I grab a broom pretend that I was sweeping and went inside her purse and pull out the cell phone.  I found out some info, went into her texts, and check out the voice mail, the guy name is Cody, sounds like an older gentleman. I also look at the call times for today and she made a few calls to 555-475-4338 when she was leaving her work that will explain why she came home late, on the phone talking to another man instead coming to her home and checking on you.  What do I do now with the phone, I thought about putting it back but then again if it is missing she will know it was me, will she have the fortitude to ask for it back and admit what she is doing?  I was thinking about getting more info on Cody, see if he is married and then confront him, not in a violent matter just have to know why did she did this to me, any chance of this relationship being repair it’s not going to happen, now I am more intrigue…I been suffering in my heart and my head, somebody needs to pay, why not Cody.I tried to get more info on Cody but the white pages didn’t have any info on him, I suspect he has three numbers, 555-637-6621, 555-546-5197, and 555-475-4338.  I am pretty sure he has money, or she wouldn’t be with him.  I am going to play a game with him, I am going to bluff him until he pays up, and I am thinking around the $10,000 range which is nothing to what I have given to your mother, than what will I become…I will have lower myself admiration for doing the right thing, bad idea and I will try to continue in staying composed.

 

Today is 14 February 2012, Valentine’s Day for the people in Love, a very special day for whose hearts are joined as one.  The morning started out pretty good, your Mother came home on time, she doesn’t have the other phone to make calls on and I am pretty sure she has search everywhere for the missing phone, but still hasn’t mention anything to me.  We all laid in the bed for awhile and tells me she wants to go to the doctor for a checkup, she is thinking that there is something wrong with her, no wonder with all the added stress she has put on herself…am I pushing her over the edge, to be honest I hope so, I want her to suffer in my way, a mental torture is the worst thing to endure.  We got up and she started to prepare breakfast and we sat at the dining table to eat and talk, to my surprise for over an hour.  I use this moment to get information from her, and she confessed in her special way on stuff I knew, but not completely and I am not sure if she was lying again…this is what she said, Cody is married and has several business and they met at the Casino with his spouse on his side, they are an older couple, she also confessed that they went out twice and one time with my son at an restaurant because they wanted to see him, I told her the day you took Johnny to your sitter place (02 February 2012) so she can babysit, she said that is when we went to the Casino El Dorado and there was another time that they saw him.  Why couldn’t she tell me this before, why try to keep this a secret especially when my son is involved that really bugs me.

 

Today is 15 February 2012, we got up early for a change around 9:15 and trust me that is early for your Mother.  She ask me to make coffee while she cooks breakfast and I did and we had a great meal, your Mother does know how to cook well, one of her special talent she has.  We talked again, she loves talking about her job and I just listen, one thing about your Mother she doesn’t really talk a lot to people that she is not familiar with, only to her family she will open up.  She started to put seeds in my head how she and your Aunt are thinking about switching phones, I said why would you do that, than she made up some stuff that didn’t make sense, basically trying to throw me off her tracks, I am pretty sure something that your Aunt thought up.  Your mother went to take a shower, I took advantage of the time and went into her purse looking for her phone but I found your Aunts’ phone instead, and I went though it and found the 555-475-4338 number, and it was title Your Mothers Sub…hmmmm, what does that suppose to mean, so I call the number just to see who answers and sounds like a young white male, so it is not Cody’s other number, and I hanged up and he called back three times but I have already put the phone back into her purse.  I text the 555-637-6621 (Vegas Area Code) number and he text back, it is a Hispanic guy that travels I am not sure who he is.  So she is talking to her “FRIENDS”, and they all happen to be males, and hiding it but not very well. This is sounding like more like a soap opera, it has my attention. 

 

 

Today is 16 February 2012, I woke up early 7:30 AM, made some coffee and playing my favorite game on the computer, it was about 9AM and your Mother surprise me and wanted to talk to me, she was confronting me about something that was missing and I have it, and I played her game and said I don’t know what you are talking about, what is missing, tell me so I can help you, and she kept on repeating that you know what you have it is not mine it is Rosa’s, and I kept to my guns and repeated I don’t know what you are talking about, we kept going round and round.  She went got some coffee and joined me in the Computer/Gym room and she said the item that is missing is a phone, I said a phone you had another phone, she said yes but it is not mine, and repeated its Rosa but not really hers she found it, and I said why did you have it, she said that she let me borrow and I said why you already have a phone, she made up some mumble bumble story that the girls at the Casino have two phones, I said whatever you are not making no sense.  This kept on going for awhile and I just said I don’t have it, and then she says there has to be ghost in the house, I told her I don’t believe in ghosts.  She than says if I get the phone back I will tell you everything you want to hear, maybe she should of done that from the beginning but she reduce me into doing things that are beyond my beliefs, so I am in some sort of dilemma, she is not 100% sure I have it unless she has been taking a peek at this letter.

 

Today is 17 February 2012, I used your Mothers cell phone to text her “Friend” out of Longview, the first was the standard Hi, but no response than I sent another text saying Wake Up, than he responded with Call Me, I reply I can’t, I guess he figure out pretty quickly it wasn’t your mother, he responded I don’t know any waitress, funny no one mention anything about a waitress either it’s a code word or he moved a little too fast. 

 

Today is 18 February 2012, Your Mother and I have been getting along well these past few days I decided just to play the game and keep applying mental torture.  She is sick today, complaining about her head and throat so I am helping for her to get better.  It was a raining day and I took you out of the house, we first went to Starbucks, McDonalds, and then to Wal-Mart but you felled asleep and I couldn’t go into the store so I had nothing to do, so I turned on the GPS I gave your Mother and looked at the Recent Found Places and to my surprise or her not thinking, she left the Longview address on their, that one hurt but I wasn’t surprise using the device I gave her to cheat on me what hurts the most.  So I continue to play the game, I told your Mother I made a new friend at McDonalds and he is from Longview, he came down here to celebrate Mardi Gras, and he invited us to his place for dinner on Tuesday (22 February 2012), I give her credit she play right along because she knew but how can she say anything when you have been caught.  She mention that she doesn’t want to go, so I am going to keep putting the pressure, I can’t imagine the guilt or the pain she is feeling, is she scare that I am going to hurt her, maybe.

 

Today is 22 February 2012, Your Mother and your Aunt went to Houston for an appointment your Aunt has with the Mexican Consulate, this will be the fourth Wednesday in a row that your Mother has not been at Home…you see a pattern.  This time she left you with me per my request, at first she didn’t want to than she changed her mind and said that will be a good time to go shopping.  This morning was very interesting, we woke up around 7:30 and she said that they are planning on leaving to Houston early, than in a calm matter she wanted to hear the deal I had for her that I made on the previous day, 180 days go out with anybody, do anything you want, make sure to use protection, no one is allow to be brought back to the house all of this has to happen somewhere else, but you have to tell the other where you are going and our son never gets involved, she looked at me with amazement that I would say that, she didn’t say yes or no and I did tell her to think about it because she really needs to get all out of her system, she wants to go to the club, bars, partying, and that is all fine with me as long she does not bring that home and I told that I will see other women’s too, she didn’t like that idea.  My consisted pressure finally broke her, she confessed to almost everything, she sense that I am not going to hurt her, I just wanted to hear the truth from her own words in a calm matter.  She said that she went to Longview and visits a guy there and you were there with her, she says that she never went in, and I don’t believe that, you go all that distance and don’t go in…please.  She finally admitted the mystery text from Mexico, she said that she gave this guy her number, it was for only business purposes only, and again that’s another lie.  Remember when I was talking about how you and your mother left Mexico heading to California, well the night before your left I called your Grandmother’s house and your mother knew what time I was going to call, your grandmother answered the phone and said she “thinks” she is asleep because the door is close, I am not going to call your grandmother a liar, but at that moment I did not believe her it’s a gift you too will have and hearing people speaking untruths you can hear it in their voices. I am sure she went out with another guy, I will get the truth out of her.

 

Today is 23 February 2012, not too much happening today I spent time with you in the house since your Mother and Aunt with to Houston.  Throughout the day your Mother and I were texting and calling each other and she offer to go to Fry’s which she knows is my favorite store and pick up some Blank DVD’s for me, and that was very nice.  They came back around 9PM and she has to go to work later on, and she surprise me again and brought something to eat for me which I already cook for you and I, but the thought what really counts, than again is she softening me up a blow, we will see.

 

Today is 24 February 2012, you and I went to your Uncle House so your mother can get some rest, before I left I put an Iphone in the room and turn on video camera to record, something is telling me not to trust her, I just have a gut feeling she has another phone.  We left for a few hours and your mother text me and called saying she is awake and to stop by the store to pick up a few items and she is going to call her mother, I said okay and we took care of our business and we got home, than your mother start making comments like I will never take you away from Johnny, and she said that a few times but it was the demeanor she said it that I know she is setting me up, I also told her that I fill out an application for the local television network, and she said you should take it no matter what, again I got that feeling of a setup.  We ate dinner, and she went to rest I went with her to help tuck her in and then she said when she comes back from work tomorrow that we are going to have a long talk and I said is it about the deal, she said no that wasn’t a good deal and I have one for you but you have no choice in the matter, told you she was setting me up, I have an idea what it is but I don’t think I am going to accept it.  I went to check on the video camera, but you Mother found it and it’s nowhere to be found, did it catch something?

 

 

Today is 25 February 2012, I woke early thinking what your mother is going to say to me, I have several thoughts that are running though my brain and none of them are good.  She comes home on time, walks in and goes straight to the kitchen and starts preparing breakfast, during this time it was total silence just the noise of the eggs being fried.  I was sitting in the dining room table bracing myself for the deal she has.  Breakfast is really and she served me a plate and she sat down we started to eat, than she said are you ready to hear what I have to say, I nodded my head.  I stopped eating and start staring into your Mother eyes, they are beautiful and I have always been in awe with her beauty.  She had a tone in her voice of being totally serious, she says, that I have two weeks to find a job or not to find a job it doesn’t matter you are given a notice of leaving here, I don’t care where you go I don’t want you here, at the moment I knew she was treated me like a tenant that has not paid their rent, I lower my head with a sour taste throughout my entire body.  I am sitting their thinking, a few minutes past by and she said are you going to say anything you really don’t have much a choice in this matter, also you don’t have to send me money for child support, I am not going to need it, which tells me someone is about to move in to take my place as the man of the house and be a father figure to you.  I got up, look at her and said, thank you for giving me a beautiful son, thank you for the beautiful memories you have given me, and thank you for times of laughter, that is how I chose to remember you not the bad times, I don’t need those memories in my thoughts.  I have decided to leave now, it is for the best, tears are coming down she is looking at me with a strange look.  I go to the bed where you are at, and I whisper this to you “I wanted to say goodbye to you in a proper way, but that is not possible.  This is my goodbye not the way I wanted but the way it has to be…I will miss you so much you be a good boy and I am so proud to have you as my son” and I kiss your forehead with a few of my tears hitting into your pillow, very emotional time for me.  I grab my keys and gave your mother the house key, she extends her arms out for a hug and I did not honor her request, rather I turned around, open the door and left

 

I have seen more of the world than I have seen the states and that is my plan to go state to state until I can’t go no more.  I don’t have much money but I am survivor and I be okay, there are a lot of good people out to meet, and my journeys start now.  Bye Johnny!

 

 

 


Submitted: March 30, 2012

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