The Empty Soul

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
When someone you care about disappears,you lose hope.

Submitted: June 15, 2013

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Submitted: June 15, 2013

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When I walked into my father’s house the lights were off except for a dim light coming from the bathroom. I walked through the dark kitchen. The sunlight was pushing itself between the curtains. When I passed by Randy’s bedroom, I saw lights from the TV flicker on and off.

I went to bed around 11:00 P.M. I woke up in the dark to the thunder and trees rattling against the window. Rain was hitting the window giving me goose bumps all over my body. My phone screamed in my ear. It gave me a shivering scare. It was my mom calling. I could tell she was trying to not cry. She told me to get my father. I put my phone on speaker. My heart stopped when I heard the words your grandmother died. It crashed down on me and stabbed me in my heart.

 

My grandmother was another mother to me. While my mom was at work, my grandmother would watch me, holding me, and feeding me until my mother came home. After crying for about  three hours, I went to my grandmother house. I thought to myself it wasn't true. I hoped my grandmother would be there waiting for me, hoping that she wouldn't let me go. I was not ready to lose her. I got off the train and waited for my aunt so we could walk to my grandmother’s house. My heart was pounding every second I walked down the street.

 

When we walked into the building I saw my mother. I ran to her and gave her a huge hug. With tears falling down my face, and I told her that I loved her. My mother told me to go to the house, but I couldn’t, my body was frozen. I was a sculpture. I couldn't move, couldn’t breathe. Something was gripping me back, I was gasping for air. It was hard to unfreeze. I was pacing back in forth in the narrow, dim hallway, not able to breath, breaking into pieces. I needed my mother, the warmth of her heart, her beating pulse to pull me back together. As I was breaking down like glass my mother was holding me with care so I would not shatter into shards.


A week later before the memorial my grandmother was cremated. My mother and I stayed at my grandmother's house. We cooked everything for the celebration but reality, my heart it wasn’t a celebration I lost someone very important to me. My heart was throbbing like my vessels were going to burst inside of me. The next day I was astonish, everyone came to the celebration there were over two hundred  people there were more in the hallways just talking to everyone. People who I didn’t recognize remember me in my grandmother. As the party went on I realized she wasn’t coming back but she wasn’t going to leave me ether. After everything I became depressed I never became the same person again. Weeks later my friend came to see how I was holding up in I crashed down in his arms, I wasn’t glass anymore, I was not a sculpture, I was pebbles. I realized that everything I’ve been through was to give me that strength.  I needed not to always depend on people because one day they will perish.


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