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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A letter of the pain of mistakes,the love of a son, and of faith. This was written partually in truth and fiction, with a touch of my lessons learned in life.

Submitted: November 23, 2006

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Submitted: November 23, 2006



To: Mr. Dean

Re: Admmittion for Ministry Degree and Studies.

I would like to share with you a letter I receieved from my father. Before I do, I would like to tell you a little about him. His Name was Tyrone Dale Blood. The last time I saw him he was 32. He was on death row for murder in the first degree.

One hot summer night, my father was selling drugs at a well known drug den. A young girl named Shannon came to that drug spot wanting to sell drug for her boyfriend Blaze. my father had gone to juoinor high school with Shannon's mother, and out of respect for shannon's mother , my father told her he would not allow her to sell drugs while he was there. After exchanging words Shannon left. A few hours later Shannon's boyfriend Blaze came to the drug spot to confront my father. Blaze told my father he would come back to "handle his drama", my father took that as a threat on his life and assaulted Blaze. About three days later, my father and one of his best friends, uncle Daron, had returned to the drug spot, when they had spotted Blaze walking down the street towards the drug spot. My father believed Blaze wanted to fight. at about ten feet from where my father was, Blaze pulled out a forty caliber Glock nine and fired shots at my father. My father and uncle also pulled out firearm and fired back at blaze. Blaze stopped firing and fell to the concrete and died. The funny thing is that blaze had fired twelve shots, and not one hit my father or uncle. Also not one shot from my father or uncle hit Blaze's vital organs. Blaze had been shot once in the left arm, three times in the right arm, four times in the right leg, and once in the right leg. The bullet in the right leg bounced off of Blaze's thigh bone and traveled through his liver. The shoot in the right leg was the first one to hit Blaze's body, and he died trying to kill my father.

The prosecutor at my father's trial painted my father to be a monster, who should not have had a gun and who should not have had been at that address, because he did not live there. My father was a good man who secretly did good things. As long as I could remember my father would take me to help out at the local soup kitchen, and would give money to anyone who asked or he saw that needed it, including Shannon's mother.

My father had thirteen adult arrainment on his record in the first two years of being at the adult age of seventeen. Most were assalt and battery charges, which steemed from my father attacking men for assaulting their girlfriends. He was not a cop caller and believed that jail was the worst place on earth and did not wish jail on any one.

I would also like to make clear that my father was a product of his environment. My father believed that the whole world was the same, that everyone did what they needed to to make their money, had lots of sex, and did some kind of drug to help deal with the pains of life. I remember my father telling me that there are two types of people in the world, one type are wolves, and the other type are turtles. He told me that wolves receive wounds from life, lick them and come out stronger, but also can become numb to the pain of others. He also said that wolves have to be careful not to become numb, because if they do they can not lead the pack but become like the rest, follower. The leaders of the pack have to care about the others in the pack or there will not be anyone to follow them. The turtles are the people who live sheltered lives. My father would say that the problem with turtles was that if something managed to penetrate their shell, it would cause irreversible damage, crippling them for life. He told me I was a wolf, but what kind of wolf I am was up to me. After being releasted from one of my father's bids, which is a jail sentence, he told me that a teacher had given him a eduction level test and was told that he was ready for college. My father also told me that this teacher had told him that his way of life was all wrong, and that my father should get a job, go to school and become a productive member of society. So while studying for his G.E.D. my father read books on politics, business, and the food and health administration. He told me that after reading on these subjects he learned that you can live your life making money, having a lot of sex, and doing drugs, but only if someone else says it is O.K. to do them. The point of all this is not to justify my father or condemn the world, but it is to share what my father taught me. He taught me not to judge, to trust God, and to have to courage to love God and myself. I thank God for my father, and I thank Jesus for loving my father.

"Dear Tyrone,

Hello son, I am sory that I can not be there for you. Soon I will be forced to meet my judgement from God for the way I hadlived my life. I do not know when the date is for me to sit in the Chair. I do know that I am ready to share some things with you. First is that I would like you to tell your mom I am sorry for what I did to her. When I was 15, I raped her and you were conceived. I thank God that she did not go to the police, and that you were born, but I confess this because what goes around, comes around, and I pray that your mom and sister never have to go through that in their lives.

Second is that a few months before Uncle daron and I shot that man, I had gotten arrested for beating up your mother, and while I was in the jail cell someone slipped one of those little bible panphilts under my cell door, and even though I read it I did not give it much thought. After L.D. bailed me out I went to go see my mother, and when I got to her apartment she started pulling at the collar of my shirt screaming "You know I am not religious, but I won't allow you to get in volved in that shit!" I pulled her off me and asked her what she was talking about. She told me she had a dream that i was in jail and I had the sign of the devil around my neck. She also made me promise that i would never get involved in that kind of stuff. After talking to her i decided to go to the block to make back that bail money. When I got there, there was a man standing in the drive way, I figured he wanted some drugs, so I went up to him. beforeI could say anything he said to me "God has a message for you." I said "Oh yeah, what does God have to say to me?" He said "I understand what you do and why you do it. Your speical, and the devil wants you, keep your faith." I laughted in his face, and as God as my wittess, this man looked up into the sky and said "Am I lieing?" and a giant cloud come and it thundered 3 times, and then just moved a way. I went to look back at the man and he was walking away. I let him walk away. i think it was because I was afraid.

The third thing that I want to tell you is Daron is dead. He had a heartattack in his sleep and died. I never could imagin him not being apart of my life. I always envisioned L.D, Daron and I being old men talking about who really was the best rapper, Biggie, Tupac, or those cats form Helter Skelter. Helter Skelter is a rap group down with Smiff and Wesson. The funny thing is that I got to talk to him on the recdeck the other day, the prison officals have kept us seperated since we almost killed that man in the kitchen a few years ago. Anyway, I asked Daron a question, the question was "If you die tomorrow, and stand in front of God, and he says ""You broke every one of my rules."" what do you think will happen?" He didn't say nothing. So I told him to call on Jesus and get right with God. He said he would. The next day the case worker came and to me he died. I have asked that question to, I don't know how many people, and nothing has happened to them. Now I see how serious salvation is, how serious God takes the answer. I hope he got right with God.

This will be my last letter to you. I can not do much for you or your family. They are your family now, take better care of them then I did. Before I let you go on with your life, I want to share a few things I have learned about God with you. This is a very important lesson I wish I had learned before we killed that man.

Faith is believeing that something is happening and/ or will happen in the seen world without knowing what is happening in the unseen world. For example, when you go to sit down in a chair, you believe that the chair will hold. Faith is a trust. We all have a measure of faith, and thou some think they do not have faith, we all use our faith on something. Faith is also a knowledge. Just as a scientist puts his faith in science, the early believers and prophets had faith in what they knew about God. Ask your self, what if Moses never stretched out his hand at the Red Sea? What if Moses said to God, "You do the wonders, I am just the sinner."? Moses believed the word of God and did what He wanted him to do because Moses KNEW the word of God is truth. There are plenty of people in the Bible who took God at His word. Joshua, Samuel, David, Samson, Nehemiah, and so on. Most of the time we Christian walk around feeling like we are unworthy to do what God says He designed us to do.

God says to all believers-not just some-He created us, chose us, loves us, died for us, has given us authority over sin, vouches for us, redeemed us, saved us, encourages us, fights for us, purifies us, protects us, supplies us, substains us, guildes us, forgives us, has mercy on us, rebukes us, elected us, justifies us, sanctifies us, blessed (and blesses) us, adopted us, made us co-heirs to the kingdom of God, made us priest, and named us righteous through faith in Jesus Christ. Will you use your faith to believe it? Man is life that has to identify things to try to understand it,(genesis) thus most people go through life trying to get an identity, believeing that they have to have things,(money, favor, etc.)to be able to go somewhere,(school, military, etc.)to receive an identity, to become someone of value and worth(doctor, soilder, rock star, etc.).We spend so much time trying to become someone, thus putting our faith in other places, that we never really get to enjoy who we are. God did not design us that way. He designed us to know who we are, so He can decide where He want us to go, to be able to do what NEEDS to be done. Will you BELIEVE and TRUST in the KNOWLEDGE of your IDENTITY that God has given you? I spent too many year trying to become something I knew I was not.

To have doubt in God and His word leads us to sin against Him. In the book of Genesis Eve knew the Lord's command, and stated it to the serpant, but the serpant made her second-guess the word of God. In short she doubted the word of God "You will not die.". So offten the serpant stikes at our sense of self worth. "You are weak." Maybe he is right, I feel weak. "You'll never amount to anything." Maybe he is right, "You can not stop doing that." Maybe he is right, " only speical people can heal.", maybe he is right, "You can not do enough for the world, why try to do anything at all, it will be in vain." May be he is right. Do you see the patten? Doubt leads to leaning on your own understanding, which leads to disobedience. Rid your self of doubt in God and His word and everything will fall into line. Your desire to sin will grow weak, and your faith and confidence will grow strong.

I will send birthday and holiday cards to you and your family, but I will not write or call. I thank you for everything you have done for me, but I don't want to burden. You have sent me money, cloths, letters and accepted all my calls. I want you to go into your future with out having to stop to take care off my wants and needs. You deserve that much. Thank you for being a better son, provider, and person then I was. I love you


Your father.


One more thing, being a good man is hard. It is harder then being a bad man. Sometimes I would be afraid to do the right thing because I was afraid to be seen as weak by others. Never be afraid to do the right thing, but never be a shamed of being afraid. Always remember this, A fearless man is a man who is afraid to live with noone's respect. I love you kid."

My father was true to his word, he never did respond to my future letters and refused every visits I attemped to give him. He also did send holiday and birthday cards, which contained long greetings.

Also, two years ago I received a telephone call from the prison my father was at, stating that my father was killed in a jail fight. The prison offical told me my father died trying to help a man who was being stabbed by two other inmates. The man lived because of the action my father took.

My reason for me wanting to attend your school is to teach and share what God and my father had taught me. Even though my father did not fully understand the world or himself, he did understand the word of God, and because of that undersatnding I am who I am, and want to do what needs to be done. If I can help one person believe and understand who they are in the eyes of God, I will have done my part, and honored my earthly and heavenly Fathers. Thank you for your time.


Tyrone Dale Blood Wagner

© Copyright 2018 Tyrone Slade. All rights reserved.

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