How I saw the light Part 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
When darkness finds my past and comes reminiscent, the light sheds positivity in my fear. As I talk about how my past affected me and how I found my positivity, this is truly a book written to motivate and inspire other people that when the going get's tough, the tough gets going.

P.S. Image used from this site, http://treeoflifenaples.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/light-in-darkness.jpg

Submitted: September 04, 2012

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Submitted: September 04, 2012

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It was when I was when I  hit rock bottom I became the worst version of myself. I ended up getting no job, no friends, no girl, and no self esteem.  I thought bad thoughts of myself, ended thinking I was useless and good for nothing. I was miserable for a long time. I tried going online and making virtual friends and ended up getting no where. I tried my luck getting a real girlfriend, a online one, no luck either. I even resorted to going to therapy, it didn't help at all. But the one thing I never realized was what I had, I've had a history of being creative. Writing, reading, directing, editing, photography, and that's when it hit me. I should stop trying to look for what I don't have, and starting to look at what I do have. I may not be a social person, or a smart one, but I'm not so useless after all. I found that with what I do have, I could make something of myself. I stopped caring for friends, for people, and started caring about myself. I started small with reading, then making a few videos and posting them online, they may not get views, but in time with determination and persistence, I would have made something of myself. 

 

My depression started when I was in my first year of my high school, as I went to high school I was made fun of a lot. Bullying was happening to me everyday, the bullies made me more of a man than I've ever been. I'm now stronger, value things much better, and tougher to anyone I face in the future. But the impact and the past I've had with them has been drilled in my brain, stuck as written history. But it also made me more tougher to any future bullies, now I'm a force that cannot be stopped. It's good and bad at the same time. I've become tough but it also affects how I act socially. So I've decided to use it for my advantage. I'll use it to take on future bullies, but focus more on myself. I also will use it to express myself creatively, since anger can come out as creative words of despair. The past sparks me like a light. Reminding me of it is useless when it's stuck in my brain. the very words said by the bullies. The bullies broke me. "You're ugly, you're useless, you're stupid, you're going nowhere in life." All those were harmful and still affect me when I hear those same words.

 

Being the cynic I was, I didn't like hearing these words but then one day, after that school year finished, I decided to make a change, prove to myself that I was needed on this planet unlike what those people said. Motivation is what I decided to get. Motivation stroke me like a bomb, Positivity said by the words of one from the online world changed me and my hatred. I decided to stand up, pick up where I fell, dust my shoulders, and start new. It became clear to me what I was here in life for. Creativity was the thing I neglected. I had it, I've always had it. No one from my society had it, no one from my family had it. No one had the tools and the inspiration to pick up the camera and see something else of it. The World wasn't a horrible place after all, it was just waiting for something different of me. The people of my teenage society made it clear, I was not the social kind. But I wasn't going to give up because it's not too late to make a difference of myself, there were still two more years before I were to go to college. I would sit like my best friend of my childhood everyday finding a newer way to express myself, whether it was writing, film, editing, reviewing, teaching video, video making, animating, photography, or stop motion filming. I plan to spend these two years everyday doing something, giving me a head start for which ever career I decide. The creativity in me was expressed in words not ideas, so I will try everything making sure that I find what's the best for me. I'm not giving up on life, even after life gave up on me. "Cheaters never win, and quitters never prosper." Those words abruptly appeared in my head all the time. I smile as I realize how I just found out myself, all the old Linkin Park music I listened to now, made sense to me now "I will never know myself until I do this on my own, and I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed, I will never be anything till I break away from me, I will break away, I'll find myself today." made a lot of sense why I was acting this way. I didn't know myself, my place in society, why I was here on the Earth. Why I felt so useless. I didn't know why I was here, I found my purpose in life, find something that makes me happy, something that doesn't make me a "no lifer" as the moronic society claimed I was. The past is now to be forgotten. The future is now, and now I deserve to what's right, make things right in life. It's time to give up on socializing with the idiotic people I know in society. My very friend became something because he had a dream of making music and it made him the person he is today, while I neglected my dream, I ended up like this, but luckily for me It's not too late, it's never too late to make a difference. The things I can do with time, determination, and the creativity I bring back to life after pushing it aside. The words that I can say can make a difference. 

 

A fresh new start, I started to write my stories like this one, listening to more positive things, now believing and motivating myself to do better and better. For hours and hours I shall continue on more stories, more ideas, more work, more effort, more determination. I believe I can make a difference, for Mahatma Gandhi once said "You should be the change you want to see in the world." I believe that I can make a difference. But believing is  only the first step, for hard work and determination is the next. I will make a difference putting my past away, and now looking at the future. I shall prove something to myself, to my society to everyone. Neglect those who hate me, and love those who support me. It's time for a change in myself.

 

Motivation is something only something one can have when one believes in one's self. You must believe in yourself and your abilities, and not what people want you to be. You have the power to do anything if you set your mind to it regardless of what people say, they may laugh, they may bicker, they may even insult, but they are only depressed because they know that you can do it and they can't which is something that causes them to be angry and do the actions they do. You must truly believe in yourself and actions. Remember all those people from history who were told they couldn't do something but proved the world wrong. Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Susan B Anthony, Martin Luther King, and millions of other people. They believed in a cause, in a way they could all affect the world. It's time to start thinking differently of what they want you to be and what you actually want to be. Those childish resorts of people who make fun of and insult are useless to you. You can believe all those comments that aren't true and live in misery or you can start looking up towards the things you do have and use them to make something of yourself. Those who are good looking should be actors or models, those who are smart can be engineers or doctors, those who are creative like me can make music, art, videos, books or stories, or small films like I do. Everyone has his or her place in society your place is much better than their place. Those who make fun of people shall eventually become trash bag collectors or cheap comedians, unless they change the way they think about things.

 

Relationships aren't everything, I've been in all kinds of them. It's not that worth it. It's not worth trying to please the one in front of you, because the moment you do something wrong, they'll put all the good things you've done behind them and forget everything. Friendships aren't that good either, unless you have a true friend who will be there for you at any case, don't try looking for them, let them look for you. Being popular is not as fun as it seems, it's a road of disappointment as all the populars are fake people, they're not true friends either.

 

Being yourself is the best you can actually do because only you can motivate yourself to reach your peaks, to be the best in society you have to ignore those who criticize you all the time and look at what you can do. Being yourself will get you the kind of friends you deserve.  The right relationships, and if you don't get any good lovers or friends then forget them for they are not worth the trouble of remembering. It's you and you only that you should care about. Feeling sorry for yourself is useless, you have no reason to feel sorry for yourself, you have to find your place in society. If you're meant to be social, be social, if not don't bother. If you're meant to be creative, be creative and make a difference. If you're smart, hit the books and become even smarter, keep going and reach the top of your dreams. Let no one in the world tell you what you can and can't do, not even me. You are truly the person you want to please in society, don't give up to them, you're no better than the bullies if you give up to them and follow their acts. I would know as I became a bully after, but shortly after realizing it I stopped being a bully and stooping to their level, and started to realize that's not me, this isn't me, and it's time for a change for me, in my dreams and hopes and behavior, all has got to go. The depressed me has got to go. It's not needed anymore, for now a brighter more positive future awaits.


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