Lola's Tale

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Telling Uncle Mick's story of puppy-walking Lola, a black 'sprocker' spaniel puppy for family friends.

Submitted: March 26, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: March 26, 2012



1. Starting Out.

'Oops! I've knocked my bowl of water trying to look out of the window. What a mess!

Oh hello, didn't see you there. Let me introduce myself and tell you a few things about my life. My name is Lola, I'm eight months old in the dog world and I'm a spaniel; not your namby-pamby King Charles type, but a stout hearted, energetic, sure footed, hunting spaniel!!

A few months ago my Dog-Father explained to me that at some time I would be expected to adopt a human family, and so, this is how you find me here. I have Dadrob, Momgail, two human sisters and a brother. A lively bunch, lots of comings and goings.

Suits me fine.

At the moment I'm training Dadrob in the ways of the countryside (hard going but I think he'll get there). I will speak more of this later, because I think he has just arrived. When I say 'he' I mean 'Unc', My Dog-Father never mentioned one of these to me, but I've got one. Momgail told me about him first, only she called him 'Unclemick', which you must agree is far too long a name for anyone to remember, so I've renamed him logically 'Unc'. Better eh?

Momgail said he was a great age and that I was to take him for walks now and then, but not to let him off the lead or let him wander off. He's going to be loads of fun, I thought. However although a bit odd looking and not that sprightly, he's kind enough and we've had some good (slow) walks together.

When I say @Unc' is odd looking, I mean he's not the same breed as my humans. He's a bit shorter and rounder than Dadrob and my brother Ash, and for some reason he has shaved a hole in the fur on the top of his head and stuck it round his muzzle. Can't see this catching on in the dog world. Mind you.......Poodles!!!

Right - it is him, he's wandering about looking for his lead. Got it!! We're off!

Stop pulling; stop pulling; change the record 'Unc', try speeding up a bit, sorry forgot my manners there. Oh! And here's the postie, she seems nice and always makes a fuss, ooh! Ow! Stop pulling my ears. She can be a bit too friendly. 'Unc' always has a chat, and looking at her I think I know why. They are the same breed, if you ignore his fur shaving and facial hair. She's a bit short and a bit round. She is obviously well fed and healthy, cos 'Unc' says she's well fit!

Here we are at the gap in the hedge that leads to the fields, and here we go with the lecture about doing my toilet before going home. Now I'm not being funny but I've never seen 'Unc' doing his toilet out here.

OK - wheee! Can't help it, Wheee! Again; I think its in my breeding, I can't stop charging about, Wheee! Ouch! Ooops! Who put that log there?No harm done, don't think anyone noticed. Where's 'Unc'? Hope he's not wandered, phew! It's OK, he's over there looking a bit puffed. Best slow down a bit.

Alert! Alert! Senses honed. Game bird in those brambles, charge, it's up. It's a pheasant yells 'Unc'..........I KNOW, it's what I do. Honestly what do they teach them?

Bit of a revelation from Unc this morning, it appears that I'm not the only one he walks with, he says on Saturdays it's the Wolves. Is he mad?! My Dog-Father mentioned Wolves and they don't sound too friendly. 'Unc' says they're great and not nearly as bad as the Baggies. What the hell's a Baggie? I think it's his age! When not talking toilets or strange animals 'Unc' is always whistling. Whistling brings me round to training Dadrob at hunting. A few times now on 'the shoot' as we country dogs call it, I've noticed that Dadrob whistles almost constantly at me. When I do look back at him he's always red-faced and shaking his head (he obviously can't get the right tune out). But that's not what I'm getting at; Dadrob puts a thingy to his mouth and blows it, 'Unc' however whistles without using a thingy. Obviously some time in his past (I can't put this any more politely) the daft old bugger's swallowed his!

We are down by the stream now, my favourite place; carefully over the bridge, skirt along the bank and aaaaaah! Oh no! I'm in mud, weed, sticklebacks, helllp!!

Sorry, don't know what came over me - I'm bred for this. Just a bit sudden, that's all. I think we should go back home now 'Unc'. Muddy! Muddy! Take a look in a mirror, pal!

Back onto the lane and on our way home. Stop pulling! Stop pulling! Please 'Unc' give it a rest. Oh! Oh! I think I might need a toilet. He's not going to like this, neither is the man who's drive I'm on. No apologies - it's a dog thing!

Here we are back home,'Unc's been a bit quiet since the drive incident and is pushing me through the side gate. said something about smelly, and worse still the ferrets are joining in. Ferrets! Are they having a laugh?

Unc's let me in now and I'm having my breakfast, before I give him a bit of fuss on my settee in my house. He likes a bit of fuss - and the chance to get his heartbeat right!

Hang on a minute, what's brought this on? He's just told me he likes cats. In fact he's lived with two of them, says they're clean and clever. If they're that clever how come there are no 'Sheepcats' rounding up the flocks? What??!! That's it, he's lost it, says he's seen a baby pig doing just that! Where's the salt? My sisters say I should take a big pinch of it with Unc.

Oh! He's going now. Bye see you next week. Unc! Unc! Uuuunnc! Be careful with the Wolves. He didn't hear. Perhaps if I jump up at the window he will see me.

Ooops! Who put that water bowl there?!!

2.Short Visit Long Name.

He's been. Unc's been. He brought an 'Auntiejoycetoseeyou' with him. Now I know I'm only a pup but what's an 'Auntiejoycetoseeyou? Must be another breed.

She seems nice and likes a fuss. Don't want to seem ungrateful, but she's not quite as grumpy as Unc. Anyway we've been out looking for 'a welder for brass monkeys'???? Your guess is as good as mine. I think he's started to ramble a bit. Auntiejoycetoseeyou says he's always been the same.

Didn't chat to the postie today, what's that all about?

They said they were going to 'the pub' after our walk. Must be another human type, think I'll ask Dadrob when he gets in.

Bye Unc, Bye Auntiejoycetoseeyou. I've got to find her a name!!

3. Tears, Tights and Tantrums

Oh dear! We've had words. Me and Unc. We've had 'Dayspakes', as he called it.

So, I'd like to explain what happened before you hear his version. We were in the meadow by the stream when I saw someone who looked like 'Mum', (not 'Momgail' but 'Mum'). I must have gone a bit quiet cos I was wondering how she was and if she misses me. Lots of licks and snuggles, I remember, Oh dear - getting all damp eyed again, Unc; think its stream water.

Anyway whilst lost in thought Stumpy.....that little Jack Russell I might have mentioned came galloping over and shoved his cold, wet nose right up my ...............(well never mind that) I shout out, Unc laughs and Stumpy's owner says 'Sorry, thought Lola was a male'! 'Oh no'! says Unc, 'She's a bitch'. Well, we can all name-cal,l 'Fatty'!!

Oh dear! It gets worse. Unc glares at me pulls in his tummy causing his jeans to slip onto his hips. The man laughs, Stumpy laughs and yes, you've guessed it, I laugh. 'Sorry Unc', I say (not really meaning it). 'What's the problem with Stumpy?' he says (not really having a clue). It's alright for you, Stumpy's not shoving his nose up your 'Aaaaah' he did it again! Right!! Rowff!! Rowff!!Rowff!! That's put him in his place.

At this point Unc storms off in one direction and I in another. However, as you have probably realised being joined together by a lead causes something of a problem with this action. So there we were 30 feet apart, lead straining, ignoring each other.

It all came to a head when a jogger in pink tights tripped over the lead. Unc said later that he had never seen a vicar in pink tights before. Anyway this divine intervention seemed to break the ice a bit. Unc untangled me from the pink thing (didn't know vicars used that sort of language).

Ok, so we got home alright, bit quiet, still had a bit of fuss (the least I could do). I think what I'm trying to say is don't be too hard on Unc and most of all don't believe a word he tells you, he's full of sh.... oh, is that the door?!

4. The Wolf Pack Attack

Out on our walk today I noticed Unc sitting by a tree trunk in 'Top Wood'. I trotted over and asked if he was alright, 'Not really' he says, ' I'm worried about the Wolves'. I asked him to explain; and what followed was a very strange tale indeed.

'Many years ago the Wolves were going nowhere' he said, 'Where were they supposed to be going?' I asked. 'Up, of course' says Unc 'Anyway', he continued ' there came a mighty leader. One named Mic-Mac-Hearty'. I think that's what he said, 'Mic-Mac-Hearty led the Wolves upwards for years, until one day they reached the top'. Hooray!! Years to get there? How come Unc pops up there on a Saturday?

However, all was not well, being a very high hill, it was icy on the top, causing the pack to slip and slide. Mic-Mac-Hearty held them firm, until one day - disaster!! They were attacked by 'The Baggies'. A cowardly ambush, by all accounts, leaving Unc's Wolves battered and beaten before rushing back to hide in the Hawthorns.

'I hope you're keeping up'.

After the battle, it appears a human arrived from somewhere Mollyknew. 'Who's Molly?' I asked. Well, this human put Mic-Mac-Hearty in a sack and he's not been seen since. 'Unbelievable'. And to make matters worse another group have arrived to take Mic-Mac-Hearty's place, Unc did say who they were but I can't remember.

Anyway, it's all very sad. Unc couldn't tell me anymore as he had got to see 'Anauntiejoycetoseeyou' this afters.

So, that's it, quite a walk and quite a tale. Poor old Unc.

Oooh! hang on, I've just remembered the name of the new group, Unc says they're 'A bunch of tossers'!

Funny name, eh?

(NB this may be a very strange tale for anyone who isn't familiar with Wolverhampton Wanderers FC & their very recent history).

© Copyright 2020 Uncle Mick. All rights reserved.

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