You ain't seen what I've seen

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Contently Deranged Travelers
based off an everlast song, "final trumpet":
Lyrics: "You ain't seen the things I seen. You don't wanna know this thing I know. It's like a nightmare, like a dream. Hear the final trumpets blow Takes near everything I got, Seeing through the darkest spot. When the have-some will have none. Lookin' through the darkest spot. Who's gonna stop the comin' rain? Who's gonna wash away the stain? Who's gonna save the day? Who's gonna light the way? Who's gonna stop the comin' rain? You ain't seen the things I seen. You don't wanna know this thing I know. It's like a nightmare, like a dream
Hear the final trumpets blow....Listen to the final trumpet blow"

Submitted: March 22, 2016

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Submitted: March 22, 2016

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1989 I was just a kid,

Daddy said to be a man,

Every time he punched me,

I didn’t understand.

I could never be as evil as him.

I felt so small-

Not even human,

Every time he’d drink,

I’d peek around the corner, watch the can touch his lips

Just a tiny sip-

Over and over again.

I couldn’t breathe,

He was the one drinking but I felt so sick

He’d say cheers to the t.v. screen,

With slurred speech;

He’d recite songs and howl at the moon,

They were some old country tunes,

He didn’t seem to know the words…

I remember every single verse

I still remember the night,

The worst day of my life.

It was Christmas eve

The house was dark;

A dungeon,

A prison cell,

I imprisoned myself.

No shadows crept across the walls,

There was no light at all;

Even the demons were afraid

Not as scared as me I’m sure,

I couldn’t hide or run away.

I went inside my room,

The clock struck eight.

I wish this night would end,

I wish it was a nightmare before Christmas,

In the morning I’d wake and there’d be a bunch of presents.

Before I went to bed, I looked out my window across the street

Shiny lights, red and green.

It was kind of a blur

It was kind of a dream

Seemed like there was no sound,

Of course the t.v. was up really loud but I couldn’t hear a thing

Just my heart , every reluctant beat…

I heard a little jingle,

Most kids were dreaming of santa,

I dreamt of blood,

Awoken from my sleep,

By a metal clink, like a pair of keys;

Daddy’s belt coming for me

Loud boots walking down the hallway,

An angry man coming my way

I thought I was gonna get it good.

I wanted to pray but couldn’t find the words

I hope God understood

The sound was close now, right outside my door

I winced expecting him to barge in;

Expecting a beating like every night before

But someone came to my rescue

A hero of some sorts,

I think it was a good guy,

but I just don’t know anymore

I heard a loud gunshot,

Complete silence, then a thud.

I ran to open my door,

There lay daddy,

His blood splattered all over the floor.

Someone was standing next to him,

Someone I knew quite well-

My brother Johnny,
With his hand over his mouth.

“Johnny what have you done,”

He said it was better for everyone.

He brought his finger to his lip,

Once again I felt sick.

Shh he says, “you didn’t see a thing”

I found that hard to believe.

I didn’t know whether to be shocked, mad, or relieved.

Johnny placed the gun in daddy’s hand,

I asked him why because I didn’t understand.

He said so they’d think he took his life;

I cried.

I still remember the funeral,

The preacher said some things,

I wasn’t listening.

Only a few people showed.

I felt I was the one dying,

Everything in slow mo-

If only they knew what I knew,

I glanced over to Johnny across the yard,

He looked like such an innocent thing,

This was so hard.

Johnny slowly placed his finger to his lips

Then brought it down quick

I looked down

Death was such a loud thing,

Sounds like a gunshot, over and over, it never stops.

The pain never leaves.

I tried to hold back my tears, a massive lump in my throat

I looked at the preacher,

He smiled with sympathy.

I instantly broke,

Tears went streaming down my face

Yet I don’t really know what I was crying about that day,

I just knew I wasn’t okay,

Maybe it was because I was guilty,

Maybe it  was Johnny-

Or just the fact that someone was dead.

After the funeral I pondered what Johnny said-

That I would have ended up in that casket,

If it weren’t for him.

He probably thought he was a hero, I wish I could agree.

I still don’t know what I think-

Whether it was okay to kill a man,

Just because he was mean

Just because I was afraid.

I guess Daddy did teach me one thing-

I’d never be a man….

Especially after that.

After that Christmas,

I was still the same boy,

Year after year-

Still afraid and lost,

Still locked in a cage.

A lost cause,

Dying every day.

As the years went by I forgot why I was dying

Was it just a Christmas Nightmare?

Just a bad dream?

It couldn’t have happened to me.

Johnny told me it was okay,

To forget what I had seen

It’s been 10 years and I haven't forgotten a thing.

But in this nightmare

 In this dream,

I pretend to believe that I didn’t see-

 So at least Johnny can be free;

Okay Johnny, “I didn’t see a thing.”

Johnny smiles wickedly,

I weep....


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