The Platform 19

Reads: 615  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 21

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

The true thoughts of a dream-lost girl as she heads for her unexpected demise.

I wait by the platform. The small sign hangs above my head, dangling precariously from a post by a small amount of string.Platform 19. A thought passes through my head that maybe, just maybe, I could reach up and fix it with the ribbon from my hair. But then I would have to disturb my bun, letting the tendrils of hair brush my cheekbones and rest in my eyes.

I don't remember how I got here. There isn't any indication of where I am, or why I'm here. No one else waits with me.

A train breezes behind me, and I spin to watch it. It stops, and the doors sweep open. No one gets on, and no one gets off.

The glass doors slip shut and it rushes off silently, leaving a gentle wind in its wake that swirls my skirt against my ankles.

So I stand. I can be patient, and I can be alone. I learned how to be those things a very long time ago.

It's not long before a train rolls along the tracks before me, gliding to a hushed stop. A pair of doors slides open in front of me.

No one is in the cabin. I set down on one of the chairs facing forward, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window. The train releases a sigh as the doors close and she slinks on.

I look out the window, seeing nothing but trees on all sides. Just trees, towering well beyond my range of sight.

The train picks up speed, less fluid in its motions. The cabin rattles. I pull my cheek away from the window after bumping my head.

The wheels begin to shriek, as the trees rush past faster than ever. I whip my head around, but I'm still alone. The emergency button to call the doors to attention does nothing when pressed.

I walk to the back, trying to find a window with a better view. But there's nothing. Nothing but trees.

A breath I didn't know I was holding is released. Where am I going? I want to scream, but can't quite remember how.

With a shudder, we break through the tree line. The wheels have risen to a roar, jostling around and occasionally knocking me into a nearby seat. My breath catches in my throat as I see out the window.

The ocean, sparkling with devilish glints of diamond, swirls against a golden beach. The water ebbs and flows, leaving trails of glistening sea foam in its wake. I feel my heart ache with longing that I can't quite place.

The train barrels forward. I am caught, shying from the cruel shudder of the train.

I don't realize we've hit the water until it begins to seep into the cabin, rushing around my ankles, tugging at my skirt like a lost and lonely ghost. Yet I can't stop staring at the ocean through the window, even as the water rises above my eyes. My lungs struggle to hold themselves together while simultaneously bursting apart.

I inhale the sweet, poisonous water, feeling it rattle my lungs and seep into my bones.

I am at peace.


Submitted: March 09, 2012

© Copyright 2021 Vanchez. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Vanchez

I would love to hear your feedback!
Thank you for reading!

Fri, March 9th, 2012 7:32pm

Blackmirror

Very nice. I like the way you say everything. I feel that it's deliberate, that you pick carefully. You don't just say things in the simplest way, and move on. A very nice short story. :)

Fri, March 9th, 2012 11:01pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! :D
Your feedback means a lot to me!

Fri, March 9th, 2012 3:20pm

Kyoko96

Really good story. It show that you really put a lot of effort into it. I really like it. :)

Sat, March 10th, 2012 2:04am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! :D

Sat, March 10th, 2012 12:21am

Wilbur

That, my friend, was a nightmare. Dark and fully realized. It took me on a ride I didn't wish to take. The best, least expected touch, to me, is the simplicity of the dangling sign and the girl's thought to maybe secure it with her hair ribbon - touching, human, visual.
The rest is very visual too, but a long, long ride of rising risk and inevitable death. Dark. This wasn't a dream-lost girl; she is doomed.
Regards, Wilbur/Connie

Sat, March 10th, 2012 7:21pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! Your comments are very in depth and I love that. I love how you see the little details I put in the story to make it more visual and human as you said. Thank you for commenting.

Sat, March 10th, 2012 11:23am

Stormbird Throneshaker

As my ghost rises up and out of the watery grave I look around and say, more or less to myself, that was fun, can we do it again?

Sun, March 11th, 2012 1:14am

Author
Reply

Glad you enjoyed it, Thanks for reading! :D

Sat, March 10th, 2012 7:25pm

Amro rassas

i remember telling you were perfect and you didnt belive me well cookers this is another example of your perfection, i loved the story, and i love you

Sat, March 17th, 2012 12:44pm

Author
Reply

Awhh! Kitty pants, you are amazing. Respect yourself and help me figure out how Tumblr works :P

Sat, March 17th, 2012 6:08am

Matthew D. Hay (Tangible Word)

Dark, but intriguing story :D. Loved it :D
-TW

Sat, March 17th, 2012 4:52pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much!

Sat, March 17th, 2012 9:54am

24paperwings

i like the description you used and the wording was great but i feel as though i'm missing something about it. it doesn't feel complete to me :/ it probably just because this isn't normally my style lol don't get me wrong it's a good story but im not sure i fully understand it. though that may be due to it being nearly 1 am here xD in any case i''l give it another read in the morning and see if it makes more sense then :)

Sun, March 18th, 2012 4:45am

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading!

Sun, March 18th, 2012 6:06am

PurpleDream19

I found this very vivid and emotional.It captures your attention and every word has an effect. It was clearly put together very carefully and deliberately. Very clever writing :)

Sun, March 18th, 2012 10:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much :D

Sun, March 18th, 2012 8:59pm

whiteroses

this was one of the best short stories i read in a long time!!
very descriptive and i could picture the scene as easily as if i were there!!
keep up the great writing\!!! xoxo

Fri, March 30th, 2012 6:40am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much! :D

Thu, March 29th, 2012 11:42pm

FloweredStag

woooooow...amazing... fantastic work *thumbs up*

Fri, March 30th, 2012 7:50am

Author
Reply

Thank you very much!

Fri, March 30th, 2012 12:51am

Kalika997

wow! this is brilliant writing! it reflects the emotions one has in a nightmare like this, one of the best short stories i've read in a while!

Mon, April 9th, 2012 9:39pm

Author
Reply

Thank you veryyy much!

Tue, April 10th, 2012 8:35pm

Liani

This is a great short story! Your writing style is so polished and accurate. I loved it!

Tue, April 10th, 2012 2:07pm

Author
Reply

Thank youuu!

Tue, April 10th, 2012 8:35pm

Steve Balsky

Wow! Scary stuff indeed. Perfect length and kept my attention throughout. Great effort.

Mon, May 7th, 2012 2:41pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Mon, May 7th, 2012 7:45am

chikeria12

I love how carefully picked these words are. They flow beautifully together.
I understand what's happening, to a point. It leaves me wondering throughout the whole thing where she's actually at. How the train actually got into the water.
But that's the mystery of it, and I like it.

I also love how everything flows so well that there's no need to hurry it up. You take your time with the words, and that's something a lot of authors don't do.

I think it's a gorgeous short story

Tue, May 8th, 2012 9:15pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much!! :D

Tue, May 8th, 2012 2:28pm

Vampy2034

"the sweet, poisonous water" -amazing line. Just saying. Fantastic emotion and description.

Thu, May 10th, 2012 7:06pm

Author
Reply

Thank you :D

Thu, May 10th, 2012 12:09pm

emilyleffler

I like this a lot! If you update it, I would like to be told about it. :)
However, a short story, I've been told, is about 2000 words long. This is great, and short and sweet and easy to read, but it should be longer. I'd like more details on the girl.
Why does she know how to be alone and patient? Does she have any clue where she is, even if it's only a hunch? Does anything remind of her of something from her past? Things like that.
Beautifully written. Good job.

Sat, May 12th, 2012 5:14pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much!

Sat, May 12th, 2012 12:03pm

Mareike

It's really fascinating and I like the end its completly unexpected!

Sat, May 12th, 2012 6:07pm

Author
Reply

Thank you very much :D

Sat, May 12th, 2012 12:02pm

KiriKatana

Really love this. It has a lot of detail and it's interesting. Ja ne!

Mon, May 14th, 2012 1:16pm

Author
Reply

Thank you :D

Mon, May 14th, 2012 6:18am

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