Love + Time = Heals??

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic



The hell time will heal!!”, I cursed under my breadth and looked away.


Outside a thick blanket of dark clouds were covering up the remaining sky. A low growl of thunder was audible from somewhere. Heavy rains were threatening to lash out and so were my tears.


“Give it some time Ria, give yourself some time.” Druv said again and pulled me to a light embrace. I shuddered a little on his chest but gave up soon. I just couldn’t control anymore.


Every damn thing that happened to me in past 4 months just flashed in front of my eyes..


THE happy news, the excitement, the anticipation…then the doubt, the fear and then…


Damn it!! Don’t go there, Ria. Don’t go there. Don’t think about that,” I warned myself for the millionth time. But in vain.


After 4 years and 43 days of marriage, we got the news that I was pregnant. We were beaming with happiness. We were overjoyed to know that we had made a baby during our long holiday trip to Darjeeling. My parents and my in-laws were in cloud 9 and were showering us with unasked advices and precautions.


Very soon I was vomitting (a lot), peeing (again, a lot), growing a bump, scratching the belly, hearing small flutters which were babys heart beat and counting the number of kicks I received in a day. Dhruv was  hands on in taking care of me. From making breakfast when I was suffering from morning sickness to running to get that particular dish which I oh-god-i-cannot-live-without-eating ,craved for, he did everything with all the love and affection in the world. All was going good.


Until July 15th, 2013…

It was just an ordinary day. I had an appointment with my Gynegologist, Mrs. Manju, after a routine scan. As soon as I saw her face upon entering her office, I knew something was wrong. She pursed her lips and glanced at her nurse, who obediently brought my husband inside and stared at my recent scan reports again.


After a gruelling whole minute she said,  “ The CSP - Corpus Septum Pelucidium, of the grey matter in the babys brain is not developing as it should be. It could lead to some damage in language skills, brain-body coordination and motor skills and worst case it may also lead to death of the infant. But I will give you some medicines and injection and after a Featus MRI we can decide what to do next”, she finished and kept the reports down.


I just couldn’t believe my ears. I was like ‘what the f*#k’.


My hands were trembling when I slowly rubbed my belly, inside which lay my 8 months old baby. Though we asked a lot of doubts and clarification she stubbornly told us to be patient, to take medicines and go for a series of tests.

We were shattered. But I dragged hope from every ounce of my body and went through all the necessary tests, scans and MRI’s. I was praying all along and begging God to not take away my baby, my life, my everything


But the results were not promising and my doctor announced it was necessary to remove the baby from my womb as it would put me in danger if I kept it for long enough. As I had crossed the zone wherein baby could be aborted by just medicines, they had to artificially induce pain for natural delivery. For 3 f*#king whole days, I was induced with pain injection, would go for labour immediately but the baby would not come out due to various reasons. I was lying on that hard green hospital bed with every shred of modesty removed, a nurse coming and peeping between my legs every half and hour so, as if it was a very normal thing to do and sighing it was not coming out.


Finally after excruciating pain, during which I was sure I was going to die, the baby came out. My husband and parents were notified. They were sad but just happy to get it over with. When the nurse announced it was a girl, my husband was stunned. I could read the pain in his eyes as he very much wanted a girl child for us. We just held each other and sobbed silently.


I was discharged the following day with lots of medicines, diet plan and counselling.

That was 3 weeks ago…


Now everybody had stopped mourning, crying and discussing ‘what ifs’ and gone back to their normal routine. But I couldn’t. I was not able to. I was pretty sure I looked just like one of the zombies from The Walking Dead. Because literally that’s what I was doing, walking dead. I was not eating properly, was unable to do any task, sleeping went out of the equation and I couldn’t muster the courage to talk to anybody. I was experiencing immense pain all over my body as if somebody had cast a Cruciatus Curse on me. I couldn’t believe what happened to me. I felt it was unfair that my baby girl was snached from me and that made me hate just everthing and everybody in this universe.


One day when I was bashing out ‘Why the hell this happened to me? What mistake have I done to God? Why is this pain not going away?’, Druv replied looking at my eyes, ‘ Give some time to yourself. Time heals.’


And that’s when I replied, “The hell time will heal!!”


Now, cupping my watery cheeks between his hands he said, “ Don’t do this to yourself Ria. Your are killing yourself.”

Raising his voice and matching it my my anger he shouted, “I already lost our child and I cannot lose you too. You are my everything, Ria. You are my love, my life, my home. I cannot live without you.”


Damn it”, he muttered and turned away and pressed his forehead in his hands.


After hearing him out, I realised I was not only hurting myself but Druv too. I could see the pain and fear in his eyes. More tears flew down my eyes.


He slowly turned towards me and said in an authoritative tone, “ I cannot see you anymore like this. I want you to do something for me, which I think will relieve you from your pain. First promise me you will do it without any questions asked.” He was staring at me expectantly. I just nodded.


“I have enrolled you for typing classes, which you will join tomorrow”, he announced and pulled out a paper from his pant pocket.


I was like “What???”, but I took the paper from him.


“I remember you said once that you regret not being able to complete your typing course. So, I have enrolled you to one. It will be for 6 months, at the end of which there will be an exam. Now, I am not expecting you to prepare for exam and all but please give it a try, please”, Druv pleaded.


I nodded again.


So next day, I was sitting in front of Number 6 typewritter, staring at the keys, when my instructor, Mrs. Lakshmi, a very fat women for her age, came to me and taught the basics. Like how to put paper in the roll, how to adjust the margins, which finger goes where and blah blah blah. As if I cared… But I dutifully went everyday because of Dhruv. Because I love Dhruv, who was very patient with me. Daily he would buy flowers for me and talk about hope and love.


As days passed I realised it was actually relieving to punch the keys. While typing the abcdefgh..and the reverse zyxwvut… for 20 times, I used to vent out all my anger. ( I was pretty sure the keys would fly off from the board one day.) I thought of all the pain, the anger, the diappointments and unfairness which I had to go through while typing and it felt that finally they were going away. By the end of each class I was drained out of negativity and hopelessness. Day by day I was getting better…


Not only did I appear for the exams but I passed out with distinction too. That day I wanted to surprise Druv and thank him for his thoughtfullness. So I dressed up in his favourite saree, neatly braided my long hair, made kesari, the sweet that he liked the most and was waiting for him.


As ususal at 7 pm, he returned from his office with his Yamaha bike, parked it and opened the door. After seeing me, he just stood there and stared at me.


I advanced towards him and said, “ I passed out with distinction in the typing exam. Thank you for making me do this”. A smile stretched across his lips.


“I am happy now.. my scars are still there but not that deep and it doesn’t hurt me much now. I have not been myself recently but I am ready to put all that behind me and start fresh again…with you,” I countinued and looked at him.


He slowly closed the distance between us and hugged me. A tear fell from my eyes and I whispered, “ You were correct Dhruv.. time heals.. but above all your love healed me, Dhruv. Your love gave me the strength to move on, to shed the pain and to have hope. And now I am fine Dhruv. Finally, I am able to appreciate and love everything around me again.”


“Does that include me too?”, he asked teasingly.


“You are in the top of that list.”, I replied shyly.


He broke the embrace for a moment and looked deeply in my eyes. Then slowly he lowered his lips to mine. He hesitated for a moment and then kissed me lightly as if unsure on how I would react. I closed my eyes and parted my lips. Sensing the change in me he kissed me with more fervour and passion. After a long moment, he broke the kiss, took my arm and lead me to our bedroom, leaving the hot kesari to become cold.


I was starting at our ceiling lazily, lying on Dhruvs arm with a blissful smile plastered on my face. It was around midnight and we were exhausted after making love, which had not happened in the past 6-7 months.


“Ria..”, he called slowly.


“ Hmm..”


“You are awake..”




“Do you want to do something?”, he asked moving over and kissing me lightly on my forehead.


“Actually ya… I want to complete the Higher Division of typewritting too. I finished the Lower with distinction so I want to continue” I said dreamily.


He rolled over looked at me with a little surprise and said, “ Sure.. but I was thinking of.. you know….something else..”, he said huskily and lowered to my neck where he gave a small bite.


“ You read my mind”, I whispered and brought his lips to mine.


I felt relieved, content, satisfied and happy… finally very happy.

Submitted: March 20, 2016

© Copyright 2021 Vasantha Narayanan. All rights reserved.

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