there are no gaps spaces erasures so unsure my personality i have wiped myself from my ownreality- what is the dream-the twin-the innocent one without sin-the other side of thecoin-the back of the mirror-the angel disguised as horror- terror- the monster- walk withme i say as if to a shadow- but she merely follows silently- helpless in my entireity- a flytrapped between the window and the sky- a mouse half caught in the trap- the aroma ofcheese pleasing me even as i bleed- i escape without tail or tidbit-the jailed one whocommited no crime but being- there is no existential rythum- there is only thestruggling-the inevitable drowning or falling or demise by living as if one hypnotized hospitalizedmesmorized malcontent bent on destruction- an ant outweighed by a crumb- a fog /fuguewithout end- friendless in the crowd which i call home where i exist alone- horrid insectwho emits its own poison- snake in he nonexistent garden of eden-how could it happen-even then i prevented it-this living with it's past present and future- blaring horns piercemy eardrums - i am proficient at drawing no crowds-though deaf and dumb-stupid andnumb- i am not even the whisper of a ghost nor a drop of spilt wine from the overturnedchalice- my fingers are each seperate gnarled branches rotting at the core-the stem-thestamen-what flower? what root-what seed- what semen or egg- i am not the first of the words nor the last- i amthe white out-the deletion-the pen without ink- the feather seperate from the wing-scowling- death is a friend to no one but protects itself by running away from others-veins that never were-bones without blood-lovers without lips nor private parts-there isno mystery no secret diary for you to read no bookworm nor marker upon the page-whatis beyond the abyss- less than nothingness- do not over think it over feel it- do not is nothas not begot -not even the carcass of a fetus- a rotten cracked egg- a begger withoutlegs- a lyre without strings- i have no mouth i can not sing- i have no knobs to turn sothat you may enter me i am the unborn- you can not learn me there is nothing to reachfor- no goal nor journey- no rewards- trophy's- punishments-crimes- arrangements - no time- no intensityspent upon itself- no masks to hide the hideous creature beneath- no bed sheet to soothethe spirit- the iron can not smoothe out wrinkles dust motes nor stains the soap can notclean what never remains- there is nothing to believe in- trash garbage rubble even theyhad their origins- broken tools once had use- if there were no art would the frame remain-i could toss a koan at you but it would end up in the pit of unending....what then?invisibility...no for it too has an opposite- you can not deconstruct what was never builtnor pick apart that which has no pieces- there can be no keys without holes- no eyes tobecome voyeurs- i can not vomit nor shit nor live in putrid disagreement with my enemy-i can not be the foot that envys your shoe nor the nakedness which surrounds you in theprivacy of your cramped imitations of intimacy- i can not leave- i have no where to go-there is no echo for the bat to follow- no sonar for the dolphin to swim towards- no blipupon the screen as i lay dying- nothing to cling to-you romantic fools-you thwartedmurders- you arrogant misanthropes- you do not even have the sisal's for the rope tohang yourselves with- there can be no knot nor knife to slice it with -no box nor label forcontainment -i have failed at even this- oh wary weary ones you can not lie down in thebed unmade and expect to dream much less awaken- there is no center of the storm noearthquake to tumble you off your feet and into the whirlwinds of change- there are noteven pockets for your holes to fall through-idiots- i can not name what i have never beenand you think i am comparing myself to you? as if i am the other foot with or with out theshoe- the martyr or the sinner the devil or the savior- i have not lived- it is not forgivennor forgotten- i am no band aide for your wounds no herb to stop the bleeding-nor am ithe stench or puss or gangrene put me out in the trash if you will and i still can not even become a pigs swill nor a child'ssmile...Vashti Puls
© Copyright 2017 Vashti Puls. All rights reserved.
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