I see this very girl walking through the hallways, smiling while having a conversation with her friends. I walk along without being noticed like a ghost, listening to my iPod to my favorite singer. I wonder if she will ever notice, but I know she will never.
I remember back in middle school. I was mostly bullied back then, and I barely made friends. Middle school is like a small hell. Everyday, morning and after school, she and I take the bus. We say a short hello to each other and talk about each other’s days. Although I’m shy and very unsocial, I sometimes have a good talk to her. When we step on the bus, the story changes. We never speak to each other, except for a bit of chatters here and there. Her friend steps on and they have fun laughing together while kids trying to take my stuff pummel me. Some days she saves me, other days she ignores me. I sometimes never have the chance to give my thanks to her till this day.
When we moved to high school, she surely changed. Although she looks the same from the outside, she has become more popular, and I have too. I did make a few more friends, but I still get treated like in middle school. As time passes by, I’ve become better at schoolwork, and sometimes complain to be in better classes. During prep rally, which I hate, I usually see her with the dance team. It makes me feel proud until my friend suddenly starts yelling at me.
The first time I asked any girl to hang out was back at home. I was on Facebook, just looking around to see any new music people posted on a fan page, until her profile popped up on the chatting list. I felt like its time, but I don’t know if I had the confidence to do it. I fought in my head whether I should or not. In the end, I sent the message to her. There’s no turning back, I thought. A minute later, she replied back. We chatted for a while, until I have enough confidence to ask her. This is the first time I’m asking this, but do you want to hang out? I waited anxiously for a reply. You mean the two of us, because, I already have a boyfriend. Immediately, my heart just shattered. In my head, I’m yelling what an idiot I am. Instead, I went with the flow. We chatted for a little longer, until she said she had to go. I pretend to smile, but in reality, I’m fractured.
Time goes by faster than ever. We never spoke to each other ever since. None of her friends even mentioned to me about the time I tried to ask her out. Although, my friends bugs me about her, even though I try to let her go. My mind is becoming broke when he tells me of indecent things about her, and I sometimes yell at his face to shut up and go back to his anime-fantasy-world. But, when I see that girl, I can’t let it go.
I see her almost everyday in the hallways. Her smile and her blue eyes make her perfect. She is lucky to be the beautiful and perfect girl, but I know I’m not the person for her. Moving on and forgetting maybe the best and only option I have. But, I still see her whenever I’m at school, while listening to my iPod.
How do I know her so much? She lives a couple houses away. And her name matches her beauty.
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