The sun was shining brightly and the wind carried the gentle tune of the blue jays across the clean summer air. Alfonse always wondered what the blue jays were chirping about. "Are they happy about something?" He pondered while staring down the cords dangling from his freshly purchased headphones. "I wonder what makes them happy? I wish i could be so carefree like them, at least i have my cord collection, yes my beloved cord collection" He wispered cynically as he caressed his headphones. "Alas this is no concern of mine. I should make my way back home before mother starts to wonder." As alfonse arrived home he quickly retreated to his room before his mom could even get a "hello dear" in. It was alfonse's room where he felt solace, where he could be himself, and where he could marvel over his cord collection that he has earned over the years. Alfonse severed the ear pieces from the cord of the headphones and put the cord into his collection box that he has been adding to over the years. Most people think he's crazy for his collection, but he finds an unrivaled happiness in his ridiculous hobby, and his happiness is what matters to him. As of late though, his passion has been dwindling, for not any cord will work any more. He is thirsting for more unique cords, something more....exotic. Then he saw it, while skimming through the cities daily newspaper. The bleeding Orifices, America's number one metal band were coming to town, and Alfonse almost climaxed at the thought of acquiring the cord from Marty McDeath's, the lead singer's, micrhophone. Now normally acquiring a ticket for the concert would be no ordinary task, but thankfully his uncle was the general manager at the arena where they are performing at so the ticket should be simple. "3 days, 3 days from now, i shall have my greatest achievement yet. Plenty of time."
3 days passed as what seemed like an eternity to Alfonse, but it was well worth the wait. With all his supplies around him, he began to gear up in his all leather costume. He first slides on his leather boots with super nintendo controller cords for laces on. Then the oh so tight leather pants and jacket. And last but definately not least, his leather mask with the giant yellow C on the top. Alfonse quickly gathers his grappling hook and bag of supplies and exclaims, "THE CORD COLLECTION CRUSADER SHALL CERTAINLY CARRY OUT HIS COURAGEOUS TASK TONIGHT. AND ALL SHALL TREMBLE BEFORE MY MIGHTY COLLECTION OF CORDS!!!!!!!!!! ALL THE BITCHES WILL BE DROOLING OVER MY FLESH CORD AND ALL THE OTHER FEEBLE MEN WILL BOW TO MY MIGHTY CORDS!!!" as he makes his way for his window. Alfonse quickly hails for a cab and tell's the driver to make his way to the arena. "HELLO MY GOOD EAST INDIAN FRIEND! I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST THAT YOU TAKE ME TO THE BLEEDING ORIFICES CONCERT WITH GREAT HASTE!" said alfonse. "uh, you don't have to refer to me by my race, and i'm latino...." said the cabbie. They finally arrive at the venue and the cabbie pulls in the parking lot. "that will be 14.50 sir....HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!?!" the cabbie shouted. "FOOL! THE CORD COLLECTION CRUSADER DOES NOT PAY FOR TRANSPORTATION! THE CORD COLLECTION CRUSADER IS ABOVE CURRENCY!" exclaimed Alfonse as he dashed quickly into the venue. Luckily for him, his uncle got him front row seats near the right side of the stage which will make it easy for him to sneak around and go for the cord. He's starting to sweat from being so close to his objective, he can picture himself caressing the cord ever so slowly and it's making him breathe vehemeantly. First before he makes his move he will need a distraction, but he has devised a cunning plan in advance. "EVERYONE LOOK, THAT BLACK GUY IS TRYING TO GROPE THAT POOR INNOCENT WHITE GIRL, GET HIM!!!!!" now normally this wouldn't have worked but it was a death metal concert so the crowd consisted of 99 percent white neo nazi males, so they all rushed him. "WHAT THE FUCK BRO!?!?!? I AIN'T EVER TOUCHED THIS WHITE BITCH DOG!!!" proclaimed jamal. With the security guards preoccupied, Alfonse quickly rushed up the backside of the stage and lied in the darkness waiting for his chance. He reached into his bag and through a tiny grey ball on stage and yelled, "GO TINY SMOKE BALL OF DISTRACTION!" All the band members immediately halted their performance with with violent coughing as Alfonse quickly traversed through the smoke and made his way towards Marty McDeath's microphone. Alfonse pulled out his garden sheers and swiftly cut the cord off the microphone and retreated with great haste, but he was not unnoticed. "GET HIM!!!" The head security guard yelled. Alfonse did not know the layout of the venue very well, and ended up coming to a dead end with the men's and women's bathrooms. So he made a choice and hid in one of the stalls in one of the mens bathrooms. He knew his time was coming to an end, he could hear the guards coming and could hear their comments on how they were going to kill him for messing up their favorite bands concert. He was not scared knowing he was going to die, in fact he was happy, because he could spend his last moments with his newly acquired cord. Alfonse took the cord and wrapped it around his neck. Then he pulled out his penis and sniffed the cord repeatedly while he masturbated furiously. "YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE CORD COLLECTION CRUSADER IS CUMMING!!!!!" Alfonse yelled as Marty McDeath burst through the stall door. It was almost like slow motion when he came through the door, because alfonse climaxed as soon as the door swung open and his semen hit marty right square in the eye. "KILL HIM!" Marty shrieked. The next morning the cops found Alfonse with cord around neck and penis in hand....but with a giant grin on his face. Although dead, he died achieving what he wanted most.
© Copyright 2016 Veladence. All rights reserved.
Poem / Humor
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