Confession of a Chauvinist

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is about a man , who is a chauvinist and how he changes with circumstances he faces in life

Generally for me rainy season is from July to September, being an Indian, this is the ideal time for rains, but here in Northern part of America, it can rain any time, so sitting in my apartment where the view from my window is a small patch of jungle, nature is on its bloom in spring, and the gust of winds blowing over my window bringing in the small droplets of elixir were making me feel elated.

Looking at the whole panoramic view of nature I was missing someone whom I can hold on to and then I thought about Swati, a very pretty girl. I wanted to get married to her, I thought I had a bright future, holding a degree from top college and a job in America, I thought I had enough qualification to get yes as an answer to my proposal. She was my neighbor in Gwalior till my dad got transferred to Delhi.

I had a big crush on her, which eventually turned into love, but she didn’t succumbed to my emotional drama, which I did when she refused. My perception about getting a girl was always simple, according to it, either you have to be as romantic and handsome as Shahrukh Khan or you have to be brilliant in academics and have a decent job, so for me I qualified, she cannot refuse such an lucrative offer, but to my disappointment, my dreams got shattered and bitten by hard reality I realized that I was living in a different world.

When I met her first she had just completed her school, she was pursuing commerce, she was independent, beautiful, smart and wanted to be an entrepreneur, accustomed to my chauvinistic approach, for me, women were bound to dream only about a rich and supportive husband, thinking about marital bliss and making babies, where career takes a back seat after marriage. She was not that kind of a woman, she wanted her own business and marriage was not everything she was looking for.

I went to a top engineering institute, but I was in constant touch with her through mails and phone, she completed her graduation and took up masters in my city, it was my final year and this came as added advantage to me. I was happy that I would be finally with her and may be we would take our friendship to next level.

My sister was about to get married in 15 days and I thought that this was the best opportunity to tell her, as she would be coming along with me for the wedding. Just two days before the wedding, she came to our house for mehndi, I was bragging about the enormous amount of money spent by my father on this wedding, from exclusive gifts to exclusive dinner at a five star hotel, how my father has given every possible thing to the groom and his family so that my sister does not have any problem there.

She looked at me with a sarcastic smile on her face and said your sister is so talented, she studied fashion-designing, wont it would have been better for her if your father spend this amount of money in helping her to begin her own boutique, which she always wanted, if tomorrow god forbid something bad happens and she has no body to depend on, what will she do.

I was fuming, how could she talk utter rubbish on such an auspicious day. I didn’t say much then, but I was hurt, today when I look back I can see the maturity she had in her early years, which I lacked back then.

On my sisters wedding night, finally I told her my feelings and the unexpected happened, she refused, the reason was simple for her, she wanted to establish her business in Gwalior and she didn’t wanted any emotional attachment till then and as far as I was concerned she thought I was too immature for her.

It was like everything was over for me, I was hurt and angry, how can she refuse me, I told her that I have got a job in America, then too, it was defying my age old theory, I will get someone better than her.

Then I entered a phase of life when I was overenthusiastic about ideas and super positive about every thing in my life, I was living a dream life in America, and so as per Indian standards was a eligible bachelor, my dad wanted me to get married, and for me I wanted to get married on my conditions which were, I wanted my wife to be a home maker, it was difficult to find a suitable match for me.  But somehow he managed to get one and finally I went to India for my engagement. 

My sister was unable to attend my engagement; she was suffering from acute depression, her husband left her to our place two weeks before my engagement as he said that she was insane. My dad took her to a good psychiatrist and her treatment was on, her child was with her in-laws and they wanted a divorce. Swati’s words were resonating in my mind.

To my surprise Swati came a day before my engagement, and after three years I was seeing her, she was looking like beautiful drop of dew, I was again remembering the good old days we spent together. She came to me and handed over her visiting card. She finally did it, she owned her own financial firm in Gwalior and as per my dad she was doing quite good for herself. She was in  a relationship and was about to get married.

But then also I didn’t understood the wrong I did to my sister and what other women in our society go through, I came back with a engagement ring and hope that things will get better with time. I use to talk to my would be wife daily, she left her job as her parents wanted her to help them in marriage preparations, although I was unable to connect to her, but thinking that as I would not get girl of my dreams Swati, I should rest my case and succumb to the reality and start liking her. We talked a lot in the beginning, and I found that we had different interests and we are not made for each other. One day she asked me if she could work once she comes to US, to which I said no. I had my reasons, She didn’t know about the wolf sitting in offices are always lusting for pretty girls and they talk shit about every women sitting in the cubicle, although I was one from the lot, getting into these degraded conversations.

So like most of the smart men, I asked her to pursue her hobbies and she joined a gym, which seemed a good option to me, we were talking less as mostly she was tired and I didn’t wanted to get into any debate with her, as we argued more and discussed less at that time. I was kind of chilled and thought that once we will get married I would hold the command and she would surrender, it a patriarchal society after all, so this was something in my mind, when one day she told me that she was in love with some guy in her gym and wanted to call off the wedding. It was annoying and I felt rejected, my male ego was getting hurt and how can she even think of it.

To be honest I was not unhappy, but my male ego was crushed again, which gave me jitters. However, with time everything got ok, I talked to her and closed the chapter once and for all.

She fought with her parents and finally got hitched to that guy.

Somewhere, I was happy for her and myself, may be now I was mature enough to understand the real essence of life. I didn’t dared to get into any other marriage proposal so far, and my dad has also given up on me. Now I want to get into marriage when I meet someone, whom I can relate to, of course, I am a changed man now, I don’t talk shit about women nor get into the dirty talks about women. s

So here I was with the top degree and lots of dollars, but no family. My upbringing never let me accept the reality but the circumstances of my life gave me a reality check.



Submitted: April 06, 2017

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