Everyone has memories of their past. You can warmly treasure the happy thoughts and bury the most horrible images. They are just cruel, depression givers. I think of blissful memories as gifts with a bright ribbon of love attached. You feel proud, honoured to receive it. The darkest memory should be locked up in a dungeon, forever out of mind. But unfortunately, painful memories will often haunt in dreams. This particular story has to be told and shortly you will chillingly understand the truth, my shocking, dreadful nightmare.
On a rainy, summer afternoon in the late seventies, I was happily enjoying radio music while ironing dressy shirts for my dad. Surprisingly, I never thought of it as a chore but it’s quite relaxing, really. At that time, my mind held the sweetest, heartwarming thoughts of my boyfriend who is now my lovable husband. Those days were sparkling romance and I adored every minute of my rainbow daydreaming. Later on, I will see him, he and his mother had an appointment, personal matter at the bank. Now, as I was ironing, cute, pleasant thoughts surrounded me. My grumpy, staring mother happened to be in the basement. She was upset because of the rainy weather. She wanted to hang a wash outside rather than the musty basement. Quite often, she complained about the weather. Once the phone rang, I turned down the radio and the call was for her. I shouted, she quickly came up the stairs and she looked stern..
"Turn off the radio, too loud!" I did, I went back to ironing. The phone conversation was short, something about a church friend who is in the hospital. She goes down the stairs. For awhile, I liked listening to the raindrops peaceful sound. But it didn’t last too long, red faced mom came back up. She remembered that Dad wanted something special for supper, his favourite noodle soup. She took the dough out of the fridge, she frantically got busy at the bread board. Anxiously, I told about bowling fun with my boyfriend last night. I was brightly smiling. She simply grunted then she sneers.
"Hey, I know, it’s happiness now but hard times will come to you, every woman has them! See, I am always busy!" I kept cool.
"Mom, things will be different, I am not like you. Aren’t you happy for me? I have found someone special to love!" She must be made out of steel, she shows wild like traits. She now stares.
"So, you have a boyfriend but can you really keep him! I don’t think you are capable of marriage, too weak and you need brains, muscles to survive! You can’t do anything right, I worry about your life! Why can’t you be like me, you don’t listen, you don’t watch and learn! Stupid, crazy girl with dreams, I have to check your ironing!" Suddenly, I couldn’t hold my emotion in any longer.
"You’re impossible! You never have anything nice to say, so bitter and angry! I’m glad I’m not like you, I wouldn’t like it one bit! Your words are a sharp knife ready to cut, ready to hurt me!! And I thought you would be happy for me, it’s so hard to please you, just so hard!!!" I felt brave but I still cried. I hated this terrible reality. Now, I needed to go for a walk, feel the cool rain on my back. Mom kept yelling by the door, the ironing isn’t done, she said I’m not helpful enough to her, a good mother. When I turned around, I could see a staring wolf with the coldest eyes.
I had endured many frightening times like this one, never comforting. It felt like I was lost in the woods, emotionally hurt by my mother. She didn’t believe in me, she didn’t show any signs of affection. She never knew what a mother, daughter truly meant.
Thank heavens, I am totally free, happily living my life with a dear husband, adorable family. I have honestly kicked the bad habit, it feels so amazing! That sad, lost in the woods feeling is gone for good. Harsh remarks will never be a ribbon of love. No one should ever have to go through that pain, punishment. No one!!
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