I'm really not sure what to say about this- you'll have to forgive me for a moment because it was written a while ago and I just now dug it up and read as I typed- but it was how I felt and somewhat how I feel now.

Why do I put so much stock in my hopes and dreams?

Why do I find something I want,

And I reach out to it,

Only to find that I am ALWAYS unwanted?

Why must pain be my constant shadow?

I can love you as much as I want to,

Can crave your arms wrapped around me,

And your sweet words whispered in my ear,

Hinting of things to come,

But I am always and forever unwanted.

I create tiny, heart-shaped boxes,

And one by one place the pieces of my heart,

The pieces that love but are rejected,

Into these heart-shaped boxes.

“A broken heart is better than a shattered one,”

The wind sings to my pain-filled soul.

I can’t tell which one is me,

But the pain comes easily.

How dead I am.

How dead I make myself so that I can’t hurt.

Sometimes I’m so scared that I’ve died,

And that in sorrow and heartbreak that I’ve shattered.

In more than one way I am already gone,

But this dead feeling inside me,

My own personal Hell,

Tells me that I am without hope,

And speaks of nothing but this Death.

All around me I see Dead people.

How can they plaster masks to their faces?

They brighten their darkness with joy-

With this false caricature of happiness,

Are we not just a world of dreamers?

Now that I have my own pain to bear,

I can See everyone else’s masks.

I can see how the Hidden and the shy,

They only make themselves seem that way.

Those popular, beautiful faces are a mirage,

Of the scared, anxious and wounded.

I am curious as to why you see this all,

How you see this pain and heartache,

And you choose not to do anything at all.

Tell me that at least you can see me,

And tell me without lying that you want to help me!

But you can’t help me, can you?

You don’t want to open up to me,

No matter how willing I am to accept you,

No matter how much I want your acception/

Are we a world of terrified cowards,

Or a world of quietly ignorant dreamers?

Submitted: December 11, 2008

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