You Never Were

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
I didn't know what type of friend you would turn out to be. But I gave you a shot anyway.
And now I almost regret it.

A little thing on someone I know.

Submitted: November 26, 2012

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Submitted: November 26, 2012

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I have no idea how or when I met you. But then again, I never remember how I meet anyone these days. I'm pretty sure that I thought you were a nice person back then. You love reading mangas, watching animes, you are heaps good at art and you are pretty quiet. My ideal type of friend. Only thing was, you started to reveal your true nature to me.

I've always been friends with the quiet, sensitive and smart girls (or guys). I guess it comes with growing up in a private Christian school for virtually my entire life. My friends were always funny and loyal, along with the occasional flirt here and there. But never have they been the depressing, brooding, violent type. Not even the guys were like that. Probably since the middle of last year, I've noticed that you have been a little too harsh around my friends. I remember this one time where you admitted to me your slight annoyance towards one of my closest friends at the time. We're stil close but now that I am aware of your thoughts of her, I start to wonder if you really should be around us. I'm not saying that you're a bad friend though. You can be nice every now and again but at the end of the day, you always retreat back inside your shell of anger and hatred.

I don't like bringing it up and I really don't plan on it but; you have no idea how obvious you are. Even since the day I met you, you have been angry and violent towards everyone. You try to control the violent part but it just comes out as this sizzling hatred or exploding anger. You told me that you've never been one for friendship. I always brush it off and tell myself that one day, you are going to change. That one day, you will see that you don't have to do life alone and you can have a chance to have a real friendship with someone. Only thing is, you too brush off the possibility of a friendship. I die a little on the inside everytime you say that you prefer to be alone or you like being depressed. You're not really depressed though. You're angry and hate things but you use those to hide what's really inside.

Y'know, it was my idea to bring you to Youth. My other close friend, you'd know her she hangs out with us all the time, agreed and we called you up. I was so excited to finally take you to see what really makes us so happy. She (my friend) and I are always so happy and are always willing to try new things. But everytime you come around and see us jumping up and down in joy or talking enthusiastically about something, you scold us and say that we're so stupid. You ask us why we're so optimistic and joyful all the time but we just can't tell you. No matter what we do or no matter how hard we try, we just fear that you'll respond with "Yeah, I think I'll just stay pessimistic" or "I prefer to be alone, thanks very much" or sometimes even "How can you be so stupid?! You really don't have to be THAT happy!". You have no idea how much that upsets us. The both of us can see how much potential you have built up inside of you, but we are afraid for you and the chance that mabe you'll never be able to use all of it.

Every now and again, you would get mad at me. Not like, rage angry but annoyed angry. Whenever we have French class together, at the start of every lesson, you say that you hate this language. I get so tempted to ask you why you even chose it in the first place but I figure that it would be futile. I really love the language, I really really do. But it really hurts me when you repeat yourself over and over again. You even do the same thing with my music taste! Sure I can talk about it with the girls sometimes and yes I love listening to it but you don't have to say that you hate it to my face! I used to think that you'd have a bit of consideration under that angry mask of yours.

"I hate French"

"I hate this teacher"

"How can you like this"

"You don't even understand what they're singing about!"

"I like my music better"

And so many more......

You know what, I am absolutely fed up! I really don't have the guts to say this to your face but I am really, really, REALLY sick of your complaining. Your sudden bouts of anger. Your constant hatred for this world and how much you have to say it. I've never been one to confront people or say no to them but I have a feeling that one day, you will realise that I can't have a friend like you anymore in my life. I could go on and on about what you do to me but I don't think I could ever stop. I tried to see beneath your facade but you always shied away. I tried to be as gentle as possible and even attempted to be a little harsh. But it would never work.

Look, I'm sorry for believing that you might end up a good friend.

I'm sorry that I bothered you with my optimism.

I'm sorry for trying to be myself around you.

I'm just sorry that we even became friends.

 


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