Shields of ego

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A homeopathic doctor...a psychological upheaval...family issue..this story tries to mix all this up in a background of commenting over the efficacy n legitimacy of Homeopathy....

Submitted: December 22, 2011

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Submitted: December 22, 2011

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Shields of Ego
Shields of ego
“Big egos are shields for lots of empty spaces”
----Diana Black

New York, United States of America
“India…..it’s going to be held in India, sir.” A thin executive voice came out of the speaker of the Blackberry. Corporate luxuries had always comforted Dr. Theodore Williams apart from keeping him free from official perturbs.
“I am in for it, Susaine. Just send me the catalogue of the summit along with full details about all the conferences and seminars that I ought to attend. Don’t forget to inform the authorities concerned about the lecture I will deliver along with my verification.” Theodore replied with excessively mature tone. Well, he knew how to keep up with his status and experience in his respective field.
“Sir, it’s done. I just send the mail to you and the authorities 2 seconds ago.” Susaine replied trying to compete with the confidence her Boss possesses.
Theodore smiled on the reply. He loved the efficiency of his Secretary. Susaine had always been and will remain valuable. He thanked ritually and cut the phone, and barely whispered, “India…”
Dr. Theodore Williams, a massive name in Homeopathy worldwide, had attained tremendous respect throughout the globe in just a span of 14 years of his career. At the age of 38, he was a Messiah for Homeopathy fanatics internationally.
Homeopathy has provided him with everything, from respect to any kind of luxury he required, although being in a country that often looked hostile. States had always been a country that encapsulated Homeopathy in limits by all controversies and proofs against its basis. But, India was a different nation. With Homeopathy flourishing the most in this emerging Superpower and incredible number of citizens, India has proved to be the most hospitable place. It’s transforming into a hub of this so-called “Complementary and alternative medicinal systems” or CAMs for short. Well, Theodore hated the name as it sidelined Homeopathy that according to him is the most logical and practical medicinal system.
He checked the mail in his iMac and found the one he required.
Yes…homeopathy will get great guns out of this summit, thought Theodore. “World CAM Summit- Delhi”…an umbrella summit that will bring the entire CAM leaders fraternity together under one roof. Well, Theodore has to lead Homeopathy. With a lecture to deliver and an interview too…it’s going to be good and clean experience.
Hmm…, Dr. Viraat Saxena, quite a grand name. An allopath….going to be interesting, thought Theodore as he checked out the name of the interviewer………….

New Delhi, India.
Three minutes to go for the lecture and Theodore was splashing his face crazily in the washroom. His eyes were fire red with all his facial expressions wobbly. He finally stopped splattering and tried to look at the mirror. Then suddenly, as if someone trashed him, he backed off. Something in him stopped to look at his reflection that appeared altogether dissimilar and eccentric. “You can never do it, Theodore…never ever!!” he whispered to himself. Then, he splashed himself again trying to regain control…to burry and seal something back.
“While translating The Treatise of Medica Materia, Professor Hahnemann, the founder of homeopathy in 1796, found the explanation of the effects of Peruvian cinchona, a derivate of the China bark unsatisfactory. This led him to test the effects on himself. Eventually further researches on other multiple cases, led him to formulize 3 rules that lay the foundation of Homeopathy.
“The law of similia, like cures like. During his tests, Hahnemann and his test subjects developed severe, sometimes even dangerous symptoms. To minimize the risk, Hahnemann chose to dilute the tinctures. To his own surprise, this not only caused a reduction in suffering, but, when used as a medicine on the sick, it also increased the healing power of the medicine.

“Hahnemann decided to continue diluting medicines, far beyond the level where one reaches the number of Avogadro i.e. 6.02 x 1023 times of dilution. Hahnemann prescribed highly diluted medicines to ill human beings, according to the law of similia and experienced that his patients recovered from both physical and mental illnesses. This led him to formulate the second principle of homeopathy: the law of infinitesimal potentiation: highly diluted and shaken homeopathic medicines are able to revitalize the ‘vital force’ of human beings.

“Hahnemann concluded that large doses are destructive, medium and small doses are toxic and infinitesimal doses are curative. The smallest doses are not quantitative, but qualitative and directly influence the vital force which in turn heals the mind, emotions and physical symptoms respectively. The concept of the vital force which, according to Hahnemann, directs every human being, may be seen as the third principle of homeopathy.” lectured Theodore. He went on to further explain and clarify the position Homeopathy hold worldwide and in India. He clarified what Homeopathy feels about the modern medicinal system.
His tremendous belief in himself and honor for Homeopathy was dominant over each and every word he uttered. His assertive attitude and indomitable charm made him to sway over the minds of the audience. And for the oppositions, it was an irritable dominance.
Throughout the speech, he noticed a young professional sitting in the second row in the auditorium, listening to his lecture with great consideration. The guy was far too young to be seated among such elite class professionals. The thing that goaded Theodore often was his continuous wanton smile. This was sort of a constant nag. It was clear that this guy held something that Theodore must be bothered.


The last day of the summit was kept for interviews and Theodore was being briefed about Dr. Viraat Saxena, the interviewer, an allopathic professional who was going great guns in the early stages of his career. Presently pursuing a PhD in Immunology and Pathological analysis, he was also a medicine writer and had authored books on the status of CAM in the contemporary world.

Theodore had reached early for the interview and was pleased to note that the interviews were designated separate venues without the local media for privacy.
Exactly on time, Viraat came inside the conference room they were allotted, seemingly shocked to see Theodore already present.
“Now, that’s Dr. William’s thing!!!!! Sir, I had heard a lot about your passion for punctuality and it’s great to witness it myself.” Said Viraat, while positioning himself.
Theodore just smiled and that was enough for Viraat to realize that he had to start the interview formally, rather than to indulge in informal talks.
“So, let me introduce myself. Sir, I m Dr. Viraat Saxena, M.B.B.S., M.D. in immunology. I have been writing on a commentarial works on CAMs and my present project is on Homeopathy. Sir, as you must be aware that this interview has been arranged for you to answer some very controversial questions the scientific fraternity had been asking Homeopathy from virtually its beginnings.
Theodore nodded professionally, hinting Viraat to go on.
“Sir, in this interview, I will try to focus on questions concerning the Controversies of Homeopathy and your answers for them. Apart from this, I do have some personal queries that I will ask informally.” Viraat said with a wanton smile. Theodore rediscovered that nagging smile.
So, he had planned something shifty…., thought Theodore.

“Sir, proponents of Homeopathy claim that illnesses can be treated with specially prepared extreme dilutions of a substance that produces symptoms similar to the illness. But a majority of scientific community argues that Homeopathic remedies rarely contain any atom or molecule of the substance in the remedy, officially terming it to be a Pseudoscience or literally, a false science. This puts Homeopathy among likes of Faith healing. So, where is Homeopathy lacking in proving itself to be a science and not fake Mumbo-Jumbo?” asked Viraat with surely something more inside his head.
“Mind it, Dr. Viraat! It’s not Homeopathy which is lacking but the so-called scientific fraternity that could get the insight of the amount of logic and scientific approach Homeopathy embrace. ironical that the common masses have grasped it far earlier than this Intelligentsia.” replied Theodore as if already practiced it hundreds of times. He was fed up this routine question.
Well, this Viraat boy is not as dynamic and fresh I had heard of…, thought Theodore.
“Homeopathy's efficacy is uncorroborated by the collective weight of modern scientific research, Sir. The intense dilutions used in homeopathic preparations usually leave none of the original material in the final product. The modern mechanism proposed by homeopaths, water memory, is considered implausible in that short-range order in water only persists for about 1 picosecond, i.e., on millionth of millionth of a second. Aren’t they just vain trials to prove those effects which are just results of an interesting scientific phenomenon called Placebo effect?” Viraat countered.

“Placebo!!!!! This very word has just hurt rather murdered the novel treatments Homeopathy has produced. If the results are just because patients feel they will get alright, why we Homeopathic professionals waste loads of years preparing the pills!!!!” Theodore bolted.
“Sir, do you anyhow believe in science?” asked Viraat with unusual calmness.
“What kind of question was that??? Of course, I do! But science shouldn’t be trapped in shackles of prejudices as it is now!!!” replied Theodore in rage. This was getting argumentative.
“Sir, the proposed explanation for these extreme dilutions that thewater contains the "memory" or "vibration" from the diluted ingredient is contradictory to the laws of chemistry and physics, such as the law of mass action. The lack of convincing scientific evidence supporting its efficacy and its use of remedies without active ingredients have led to characterizations as pseudoscience and even quackery!!” said Viraat with concern.
“I think you are getting nothing out of this discussion. I had already published a book answering just these question.” replied Theodore with calmness this time.

“This leads me to a personal query of mine pertaining to your works, Sir.” said Viraat, showing Theodore an old Thesis.
“This was submitted by you 19 years ago and this is a very serious and radical work that concludes why Homeopathy is pseudoscience and you used words like Quackery. This work was submitted by you when you were in 1st year of MD. Sir, how did you changed? I mean nobody knew that you once studied conventional medicine. This is going to be a stir!!!” added Viraat with again that wanton smile.
Theodore froze. He started to shiver and went into deep thoughts that just made him to tremble. He quickly decided to leave and say nothing else.

Theodore quickly went back to his hotel and dismissed all his future appointments preplanned for this summit. He was again getting out of control and he knew that. But he had to let it go. He went to the washroom and gathered all his nerves to look at the mirror….watch his reflection that contained multiple expressions…how could he fail???….he ought to answer these skeptical morons…he had always did…then, why he failed with Viraat at that last question???…..
All those mixed expressions wiped out and were dangerously replaced by extreme rage. He punched the mirror with all his might shattering it into pieces. Those pieces showed his reflection individually with every second other than first. His hand was bleeding but that was nothing in front of what was bleeding inside. Something was shattered inside too…the Ego…the pride and unparalleled dignity…
Another part of him was crushing the other’s ego harder…the part that once was doubter, 20 years ago…

“It will be a shame, Theodore!!!! Our family had 3 generations of Homeopathic practitioners….we are the flame bearers here in States!!!! How could you just undermine this legacy!!!!?”

“But father, it’s illogical and not at all scientific!!! I can’t waste my brain over such false tradition!!!!!”

“Do you know, Theodore…it’s not because you had found some flaws in this novel tradition…it’s because of your ego…You will never realize this but I know!!!! I had witnessed this pestering Psychological problem in you, since your childhood…”

“What kind of psychological problem!!!! Alas!!! It’s just the old Homeopathic way of finding illogical explanation of thing!!!!”

“You are a strange muddle of Narcissism and contemptible insecurity. You don’t realize the seriousness of the problem!!! You want to pursue Allopathy just because your Egoistic brain wants to go revolt and establish itself over our family legacy…When so-called scientific conventional medicine will be unable to feed the appetite of your vile ego, you will leave it too… What you want is not medicinal knowledge but a niche that will provide you with Hero-worship…”

“I don’t understand what you want to say, father. Perhaps, it’s you who wants psychological treatment.”

“You are empty from within Theodore!!! As your father, I had always resisted to say this but it’s true…You need to fill this emptiness, my son!! Don’t try to shield it using your massive egoistic approach…stop aspiring for excessively idolized stature…You will end up very shoddily.”

Theodore’s father was accurate in prophesying what Theodore will eventually do. In the massive world of conventional medicine, he wasn’t able to compensate for the emptiness that resided in him, mostly created by himself by marginalizing all joys and positives of life. It appeared to be a wicked cycle. To shield his emptiness, he ran for more stature, finally leading to more emptiness….He brought Homeopathy back into his life and it provided him with tremendous scope for what he aspired. He was able to cover up a lot but the fact that once he was on the other side of the shore, always kept alive the fear of the exposure of the void that his conscious withhold.



New York, United States of America

After returning home, Theodore suspended his professional life. Reminiscences of his life nuisance and harassed him. He went into trauma. The ordeal of facing the reality was unbearable for him.

He tried treating himself homeopathically, but it was ineffective. The belief that it is just a Placebo revived in one part of his brain. It fought with the other prominent part that was of a great Homeopathic professional…a professional who was dying day by day. More he thought of it, more the failures of the treatment amplified. Neither he was able to treat himself and bring himself back from this trauma, nor could he consult others. It would be a shame to reveal this to another Homeopath and consulting a Conventional was no doubt daggering his Ego.
It was evening and the moon looked serene, but Theodore’s eyes were fiery red like a Satanic sun. His phobia from mirrors had profoundly amplified itself, compelling him to avoid even bathing in fear of perceiving the war of personas inside him. He went to the terrace of his building and admired the height rather than the calm moon. His pride had been hurt deadly and he himself was the cause. The ‘hero’ inside him was wounded and the guilty had to be punished. It was time for trial and punishment. He jumped of the terrace….
Lying on the flooring in front of his building with head bathed in his own blood, Theodore felt the greatest relief. He realized how accurately philosophers throughout the globe visualized this serene and calm pain that didn’t seemed painful ironically. He felt all the emptiness filled. This he felt for 3 seconds and then eternal silence and he felt himself to be the Hero, he he had
always longed to be……


© Copyright 2017 vishal arora. All rights reserved.

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