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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

it is a fiction, showing memories of a dead man and explaining waht he felt and how he coped up after dying.



My name is Rohan and this is my autobiography. This biography is little different from other biographies, this is not the story of my life but the story of what happened to me after life. Yes, I am a ghost, I died 6 months back, in a terrible accident.

Before dying I was a very happy man (or I thought so). I had a very beautiful and loving wife, priya; a big house and a happy life. It has been two years since I married her. She was a co-worker in my office and we fell in love. After 2-3 months of this love affair we thought of marrying and soon got married. Since then we were living together and having a wonderful and happy life.

It was one Sunday evening and I had some official meeting out of town on Monday, so I left house that evening. I told priya I’ll be back by Tuesday morning. After a long goodbye kiss, I left the house. After driving for 1 hour I remembered I left one important official file at home, and I would need that in my meeting. So I turned my car back and drove fast for home, thinking I’ll get a chance of a second goodbye kiss. As I reached home and opened the door (I always used to carry one door key), what I saw was something I could have never imagined. Priya was in arms of Sachin, my colleague at my office and a very good friend. Sachin was kissing her all over her body and I was like paralysed seeing my wife and my best friend together. I didn’t know priya was such a good actor, she never let me even guess she was cheating on me and something was going on between her and Sachin. I was so furious, I could have killed both of them then and there, but something stopped me. Its not easy to kill a person. I grabbed Sachin by his collar and gave him two-three strong punches on face and he faded away. I and priya had a long fight. I gave her few slaps, took me file and left home in anger. Because of the anger and all other emotions inside me I was driving car very furiously. The road was curvaceous, along hills with valleys on one side. My eyes were filled with anger and mind with hatred and so I couldn’t see the truck arriving from other side. When I realised, the truck was very close. To avoid collision, I turned my car quickly and lost control and my car fell down all the way 1000ft in the valley. While I was falling down, i knew I was not going to survive. My whole life danced in front of me eyes. My child hood, parents, how I met priya, the good time we spent together, our love making….and her in the arms of Sachin. Tears fell down from my eyes….i closed my eyes and then there was sudden blast and rumble and I lost all senses.

When I opened my eyes, I saw debris of my car. I looked up on the road and was surprised to see how I survived after falling this long height. And suddenly my sight fell on a burned and badly injured body. It was no other than my own body. “Oh no!! That’s me there…so who I am…what happened ?” I thought; and then realised I am no more living…I am now dead and that means I am a ghost.

I had heard lots of stories about ghosts but I never believed people. I always thought ghosts do not exist and there is nothing after life. But here I was….experiencing the same which I thought didn’t exist. I can’t explain the feeling. Looking at myself from a different place and not using a mirror. I sat there for a long time and didn’t know what to do.

After few hours when I was steady again, I thought to get up and go back home. I had heard a lot and seen in movies that ghosts can do all unimaginable jobs like magic, fly and even teleport themselves. But I didn’t know if all these were true or just crap imagination of some script writer. And I guessed it was really bullshit. I was not able to do any magic. And so I climbed all way up the hills to nearest road and thought to ask for lift. Lots of cars were crossing but nobody stopped near me to give me lift. After sometime I guessed may be people didn’t see my thumb for lift because they just didn’t see me. They are normal living people and they can’t see the dead. As I was engrossed in my thoughts, a car suddenly appeared in front of me. Before I could think or move away, it was very close. I closed my eyes with fear that it is gonna hit me, but to my surprise, it just crossed through me. And it reminded me “I am dead…I am a ghost, cars can hit only body and I was just a soul.” Now I needed to go back to town and I was left with two choices, either to walk all way back to home or to go to any nearby gas station or motel, and quietly sit inside any car going that way. I chose the second idea.

After walking for around 20 miles, I came near a gas station. I found a car getting its fuel tank filled up, and thought I could quietly open the door and sneak inside the back seat. As I tried to open the gate, I felt I was unable to touch the handle. Or, better say, I was unable to touch anything. But I could cross the door without opening it, and so I went inside and sat at back seat. It was a couple’s car, the husband was driving and wife was happily chatting all way. They seemed very happy and this reminded me of my adulterous wife. A sudden pang of anger rose into me, and my first thought was to reach home and kill her.

After an hour’s drive, we were in town and the car was crossing near my home. I shouted to stop the car, but alas! They could not even hear me. I thought to jump from running car, but was very afraid to do so. Then a thought came to mind, I am dead, with no body. Without body I can’t feel pain and of course I can’t die again. And so with all courage, I just jumped out of the car. I fell down on the road and nothing happened to me. Nothing can happen to a dead person.

I walked to my home. After reaching home, I saw news of my accident had arrived my house and priya was all in tears. Crying and shouting. I thought again “what a good actor, she should have been in Bollywood.” I just sat in the corner and waited for crowd, neighbours, police etc. to go back. Meanwhile Sachin also arrived there and was feeling very sad. Just like he lost a good friend. Bastard….i thought. After few hours, everybody left the home. it was just priya, Sachin, me and my dead body left in the room. Priya closed the doors, removed the masque of sadness and said “see god is great, he heard us. Now rohan is no more. Here lies his body. We will cremate him tomorrow and then there will be no one to stop us. We will marry soon and we can lead life like we want.” Sachin too seemed very happy. He poured himself a drink and laughed along with priya and kissed her. I felt like a volcano is erupting inside me. I jumped towards priya to hold her neck and strangle her, but when I tried to hold her neck, I remembered I was a ghost and ghosts are unable to do anything, but just watch. I couldn’t see that sight and left home.

I went out on streets and started roaming around. Trying to remove all memories of priya from my mind. But in vain. The more I tried to forget her, the more those scenes crossed my mind. I felt tired and exhausted and went to a park and slept on the bench.

Next morning I woke up and like other days, thought to get fresh, brush my teeth, wash my face, take bath etc. but again it came back to me I don’t need any of these. They are for living beings. I felt a little uncomfortable, but tried to move on with this. Now I had nothing to do. Nobody could see me or hear me, I couldn’t talk to any one….i was really afraid to live like this. And that too for don’t know how long. I cried…god help me. Please either give me my body and life back or just burn this soul. But I didn’t know what happens to anyone after death. May be this is what happens to everyone and they cope up with living like this.

I thought to enter any house and start living there; at least I’ll be able to hear people chatting around. May be that will improve my condition. But I didn’t want to go back to my house. I could no longer see priya and Sachin together. And so, I picked one good looking house and entered it, with a plan of occupying it for ever.

The house belonged to a businessman Mr B.N.gupta and Mrs sheela Gupta . They had one 8 year old son, sidharth or sid as he was better known as. The guptas were nice people and they had a nice family. I was happy, I found a good home and nice people to live with. But, still I was unable to talk to them or anyone else, and this loneliness was driving me crazy. One more thing sad about being a ghost, apart from not being seen or heard or can’t touch anything, is that a ghost doesn’t eat anything. Of course we ghosts don’t feel any hunger, but when i see someone having a good food, I really missed my old days. And this happened to me most of the times, but slowly this feeling also faded away.

I started living in their house. Always listening to them, seeing them having nice time together. Sometime they had parties in their house, and I too felt good seeing so many people around. But during such days I felt lonelier. Sid was a nice but naughty kid. His friends used to come to his house to play in their large garden. I used to sit there and watch them playing, it was good to see them. Sometime I went out to walk around the city. It is really very boring to be all alone and I could not avoid that, not even kill myself again. This was really driving me mad. I needed to talk to someone, to share my feelings. But, I was a ghost and there ends all my feelings. Ghosts are not supposed to have feelings.

One evening I went out to a public garden and sat on one of the side benches, looking at children playing and women chatting. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was first time in two months since I died that someone touched me. I felt startled and jumped, looked back and saw a man of almost my age tapping my shoulder. Before I could speak anything he asked me “when did you die?” I was surprised how he could see me and touch me and how did he know I am dead. I asked him who was. And he said he is also a ghost, he died 15 years back. And since then he is living like this. He told me his name is sanjay and he was owned a big jewellery shop in this city. He had a brother who wanted to own that shop, and in that greed he sent some goons to his house to kill him and his wife and 2 months old kid. Police thought it was just a result of burglary. As his whole family died in that incident, his brother took over the shop. And since then he is thinking of taking revenge. He also informed me in everyday life I used to see lots of dead people but I didn’t know they were dead and so thought them to be just like other people and never talk to them. I told him my story, how I died and what I was doing since last two months. It was really good to at least talk to someone. If I would have been alive, that evening I would have gone to a pub to have some beer and watch football on big screen in the pub. Sanjay liked the idea and we went to a pub. Of course we couldn’t drink beer, but we watched football on large screen. Later, I returned back to gupta’s house and fixed a plan to meet again there in the park. I was happy to find a friend.

Next evening we again met in the same park. That evening sanjay did something which I never thought. He picked up a stone and threw at a lamp post. It made a sound and a sleeping dog woke up and ran away. I always thought ghosts can never touch anything, but sanjay was touching real stones. I asked him how he did that, and he said it all depends on how much I wish to touch the things. It was all about concentration and practice. I too thought to keep on concentrating and practise to touch the things. He also said whatever I heard about ghosts flying and teleporting and doing other things which a living man can’t do are all true. He himself was trying to fly, but even after 15 years of practice, he was unable to do so. Teleporting was far away to achieve.

When I returned home I tried to pick something at home, and kept on trying for a long time. But all in vain. Next morning I woke up and started trying same thing. Even after a long try I couldn’t lift that. In despair I kicked the flower vase lying near my feet. And to my surprise, I really kicked that and the vase broke down. Mrs gupta came running and thought sid broke that vase and gave a long lecture to sid. Poor kid. He had to hear all those even though it was not his fault. But I was happy. Now I was able to touch things. I thought to lift something and scare guptas, it will be fun. But thought not to do with guptas as they were nice people and I was living with them.

To try my mischief, I went to other house two blocks away. There I did all sort of fun. Lifting something and putting it at other place. Switch on tv. shut down the lights. And it really scared the shit out of them. It was fun. Later I came to know, they were so scared that they called some priests to their house and after few days they sold their house and left the town. I felt guilty for that. Just for my fun they had to face so many problems, and promised myself never to do such mischiefs again.

My life was getting a little better. Now I had a friend to talk. I could actually touch things. But still I was unheard and unseen. One day I asked sanjay, if there is any way of getting rid of this ghost life. He was my only after life friend, my mentor and my teacher. Sanjay told me to people are trapped in this life only when they have some unfulfilled ambition in life. And if they fulfil those, they get rid of this boring ghost’s life. I didn’t know what I wanted from my life, and that mean I was going to be like this for ever. I had to think to do something to get rid of this life.

One day sid came from school. He was very happy and announced he was going out of town on his school trip for trekking and camping. It was three days trip. I don’t know why, but I felt a little sadness. I was living with them for almost six months, and grew fond of these people. Next morning sid left home for his camping trip. That evening when mr gupta arrived, mrs gupta greeted him very well. As they were alone in home, as they thought, they started being a little intimate in living room itself. And this again reminded me of priya, my wife or ex-wife, and Sachin, my best friend. And the sudden anger rose in me again. I knew what I wanted from my life. It was to kill them both. May be I’ll feel nice after that and I could get nirvana. And now I was able to touch things and people and it will be easy to strangle them or just pick any knife and shove it into their hearts. Yes, I was full of hatred and anger, and in thought of killing them I left gupta’s house and started moving towards my house.

As I reached my house, all memories started erupting in my mind. All those memories made my hatred stronger. I entered the living room, and first thing I saw was a big poster of priya and sachin in wedding dress. After my death, they married. Later as I moved inside their bedroom I saw everything thrown, room was a real mess. Priya was nowhere and sachin was lying on ground in a pool of blood, still breathing. Somebody came to their house and did what I had planned to do. I thought it’s better to leave Sachin like that for dying. Then suddenly, I don’t know what happened to me and I thought it is not good to leave him like that and thought to call for help. I picked up the phone and dialled the emergency no. as the person on other end answered the phone, I remembered I am a ghost and nobody can hear me. But still I said “hello” and to my surprise, that person heard me. Now I was even able to be heard. Another accomplishment for me. I told that person to arrive to this address, it’s emergency and put the cradle down. The police arrived within 30 minutes. They found Sachin lying on floor and sent him to hospital they were surprised to find no one there and were not sure who called them. Priya was not anywhere in sight. I felt scared that something happened to her. Later police found that there was no burglary in house. Just my house’s property papers and priya were missing. I guessed somebody tried to kill sanjay and kidnapped priya for that property. The only name that came to my mind that could do this was rajiv, one of my colleagues at my office. He was always jealous of me, my property, my promotions and my happy family. Just to check if it was really him, I went to his house. And as I guessed he was not home. he had a second home, a little away from town.

I went to his other house and went inside. And I found priya there. Sitting on chair, all tied and with a big belly. Oh…she was pregnant. I felt some happiness and some anger together. It was one of those emotions one cannot explain. Rajiv was standing near her and forcing her to sign those papers to transfer all properties on his name.

I gave a big punch on rajiv’s nose, and he fainted and then i removed ropes from priya and set her free. Priya was surprised and couldn’t guess what happened. I dialled police again and called them to this house. Later police arrived and priya told them whole story. Police took rajiv under arrest. Till now priya didn’t know what happened and how police arrived. But soon when police left the place, priya asked “ rohan, is that you”. I didn’t say any word, but she guessed it was me who helped her and Sachin. tears slowly started rolling out of her eyes on to her cheeks. She said “ rohan please forgive me. I cheated on you. I know it was not right, but I loved Sachin and i still love him. You used to love me very much and so I could never tell you about Sachin and ask for divirce. Please understand. And please forgive me.” I didn’t say any word and left that place.

I don’t know why I forgave her. I went to her house to kill her and Sachin, but rather ended in helping them. May be it was because I still love her and couldn’t kill her. And about Sachin, he was her husband and father of her soon-to-arrive child, and I didn’t want to ruin their happy family.

Later, once I went to hospital and found Sachin was recovering fast. I felt good. That was the day I talked to priya. I told her why I went to her house that day and why I didn’t kill her. i wished her good luck for her married life and for her coming baby.

Now I am at gupta’s residence. Sid is still out of town, and I am using his computer to write down my story. Today I am feeling very light, as if a big burden is removed from my head. And this was the burden of anger and hatred, which I overcame by forgiving priya and Sachin. Yes somebody once said “to forgive is divine”. Now I know this was the way to get rid of this life after death. Later when sid will find this story in his computer, people will know what happened to me after death, especially guptas with whom I spent my six months after death. I am waiting for something to happen, may be some angel will come and take me to other world or I will just go on a long sleep only to wake up to be born again. It’s just wait and watch now and I am waiting and watching…..

Submitted: April 05, 2010

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