I Swear, I Swear, I Swear.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A random dissection of my feelings for her, in dialogue form.

Submitted: May 25, 2010

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Submitted: May 25, 2010

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We've been together since childhood, you and I. All the way back since second grade, during that hot summer when we both were just looking for a new friend, or maybe somebody who'd like to play. Friendship grew naturally and your company was second nature. I never once thought of anyone else as my best friend since then.

I never thought of true love as a child. I never did, I swear. And deep down, I might of even have thought that true love was never something you could decide on first. It might have not even existed. But darling, I admit I never once decided to fall in love with you. It wasn't worth the risk, in my straight little head.

But isn't it funny how love can turn you around and slap you in the face, and say; "Who the hell do you think you are! You don't know 'nothin!"

Anyways, back to our innocence.

Our sleepovers were awesome. I remember the first time I spent the night at your house. We were eight, and read Shel Silverstein poems until we were too tired to talk. Do you remember?

Walking along the creek, picking up bits of old clay and throwing them into the water just to hear the pleasant plops.
That tired baby bird we fed berries until my mother called us home.
Long nights spent swimming, making up all kinds of games while we watched the bats fly over-head the indigo sky.

Do you remember?

And yet, those fragile memories of two young girls searching for unnamed things is pervaded by the first time I felt you. Really, truely, felt you. Felt your touch, and the way your soft gaze bit into me with such unknowing interest.

Those doe brown eyes, so large and deep I could barely breathe. And your long dark hair, hanging over your shoulders in the late summer light like that...I didn't know what to say. What could I say? We were friends. Best friends. And yet I had such feelings too distasteful for two small children. I'm sorry.

And, oh, God. How typical is that? 'Best friends until they fell into intensely in love, swept each-other away and lived happily ever after, the perfect picture of innocence and romance!!'

But I swear, I swear. Cross my heart and hope to die. Don't speak, don't speak.

I'm in love with you.

I was so dead. I cut, I starved, I burned, I disbelieved and hid myself away from the world. I was so tortured, honey. So ALONE. Isn't everyone? Born alone? I suppose. But my longing for love and that hunger for acceptance was thinning that tiny little thread that kept me attached to the world. I was so close. So close to going Just Far Enough.

You held me here.

We kissed.

At first it was a joke, really. Just "to try it". Of course it was. We were still young girls, really, and didn't know how else to put it. You were straight. And still straight.

But we still have our sleepovers, don't we? Oh, how that makes me laugh. The irony is magnificent. I am your only exception. Just because I'm me. How special do you think that makes me feel? It makes me feel so good I just about can't take it. Your warmth. The way we can smile for the sheer joy of it when we stare into each other's eyes. Your gentle body and the way you speak to me in tones of care and affection too true for me to describe.

I love you. I will always love you. No matter what society or our heads try to tell us, this feeling in the deepest part of my soul tells me that we were meant to be together. I will never give in, and I will never give up. I swear to you. I swear.My beautiful baby, I will always love you.


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