Infinite questions

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short story on myself, everything ive been through within the last year and a half. Just when I though I was living a normal life, everything turned crazy. It was like I wasnt here in this world with everyone, it all felt too fake and too good to be true. Ill tell you all about my experiences i delt with, such as my sexuality, friends, first loves, parties, drugs, suicide, and lots more.

Submitted: October 03, 2011

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Submitted: October 03, 2011

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Introduction
Hello friend, Im writing to you becauseI want you to hear my story. I hope that you will not judge me, but rather understand what I've been through. Im eighteen years old right now, but after you finish reading this short introduction of myself, ill take you back a year and a half ago whenI was seventeen. Everything that your about to read is completely true. I will warn you, there are a few things that may make you feel uncomfortable, and once again,I just hope that you will not judge me. Im sharing my story becauseI know there are a lot of other young adults out there that have been through similar things as me. I will try my best to tell you exactly how these events took place. Please dont stop reading my story only a paragraph into it. I promise you that it's worth your time. Look at it this way, imagine your in a college psychology class trying to complete a project. Your project is to read a story about ayoung adultthat has gone through many things in his short life and you must help him get through the rest of his life. So sit down, relax, and act as if I'm sitting across from you telling you my story, and just listen till the end. So i want you to get to know me as much as possible, without ever finding out whoI am. I will change the names of some of the characters as well as my name to protect our identities. In this story, you will know me as Jacob. I have one brother who is thirteen and loves to play football for his school.I love him to death although there are times where he drives me crazy, but I'm pretty sure thats how all siblings are suppose to be. I really do enjoy being the oldest because Ican basically do whateverI want. My mom is one of the most hard working peopleI know! She just finished nursing school two years ago, and now shes always at the hospital working. The kind of a relationship my mom andI have is very cool, because she's so young and I'm young. My mom is only thirty seven years old, and I'm eighteen. She had me when she was only seventeen years old. So I guess you could say I was a mistake, because honestly I was. I dont talk to my dad very much because I choose not to. The most we probably talk is twice a year. He's told my mom that hes scared to talk to me and that he feelsI dont want him in my life. I told my mom,I really dont care to talk to him because it really isnt that big of a deal to me. So if you as well dont have a dad in your life, then we have something in common. You'll get to know my mom and brother a lot more as you read on through my story. But now Im going totell you a little bit about me, and then we'll go back in time. I know everyone feels that they are a good person, butI really am a good person. Im the kind of person that whenI help someone out, and they have this smile on their faces because of what I did for them,I get this huge amount of happiness from it. I love to share whatI have, andI definitely do not like to show off thingsI have. No matter what you do to me, if you say sorry ill always forgive you and I also always like to make everyone feel comfortable. I love hanging out with my friends becauseI always find some kind of happiness with them. Our most favorite thing to do is go to the movies at the latest showing with lots of food on a Saturday night. Ive changed so much over a year, and your going to see what im talking about. I know that you wont think differently about me when your done reading my story. Alright, i think thats enough now, so sit back and get ready to hear some crazy stories. Oh, and beforeI start,I would recommend you be at least eighteen years old to read this.
July 12
Good morning! I feel really good this morning, it summer time and i have no job. Today is Monday, andI know most people hate Mondays because its the begining of the week, butI dont hate this Monday because it's summer and there's no school. My teacher from last year always use to tell us "Happy Monday" and the whole class would just look at him as if he was crazy or something. He said "If you guys would just wake up every morning and tell yourself how happy you are it's Monday, you will begin to love Mondays likeI do." I believe him, butI rather just hate Mondays. My friend Josh is coming over in a little bit so we could hang out. I've been friends with him since we were in dippers althoughI can't remember that far back. His mom met my mom in high school and just like us they've stayed friends. Josh andI have been through everything together, and he's always been a real true friend. I know that you know that high school is full of fake friends, and thats just the way it is. But Josh is different,I think since were so honest with each other, we stay true. He's like my second brother, and he's only one week older than me. I dont know if this is too soon to tell you, but im going to tell you anyways because Iknow you won't judge me. When we were in second grade,I was over at Josh's house and we were building a huge tent in his room with sheets. I cant exactly remember how it all happened, butI rememberI was laying down and he pulled a sheet down and fell on top of me and he just looked at me. It was so weird because we both just looked at each other and we knew we both wanted to act like we were having sex. We didn't want to actually have sex, but just act like we were, and i dont know why. He just looked at me and smiled. I can still remember the smile he had on his face, it was a sweet comfortable smile.Wethought we were actually having sex, but really we werejust cuddling with clothes on.We didn't know how to have sex because we were too young. It was really weird because it all felt right and good to hold each other. Now if that was bad, your going to need to take a break and come back and read. I dont know how we ended up doing what we did next, and im trying to rememberas best as I can.He got up and locked the door to his room and we ended up under the bed.We both pulled our pants down, and we took turns sucking each other's penises.I know it sounds bad, but we were just curious and didn't really know what we weredoing.The whole time we were doing it,I had a feeling his sister was watching us under the door. We've never brought that up after that day ever again, and I've never told anyone except for you. SometimesI wonder if he ever remembers what we did that day, and what he thinks about it now. To me,I just see it as two little boys being curious, but other people would take it a different way. "Knock Knock Knock" alright, sorry I have to go because josh is here. I'll write back as soon asI get a chance. Please take care becauseI really need you to listen. :)
July 14
Sorry It's been a couple of days, but I've been so busy at the house helping my mom. After the last time I talked to you, Josh and I were planning on going to a rave party out in the desert. See, these kinds of things scare me a little because not to be mean, but there's a lot of weird people that attend the desert raves. I just like to stick with the normal house parties with all my friends but Josh has wanted to go to a rave ever since he met some guy named Mike. I do remember seeing that guy around school last year, and he was a freak! I've already told Josh he's a freak but he thinks I should get to know him first so I guess I'm going to give him a chance. That's pretty much all we talked about that day, but yesterday was different. There's this guy named Mathew that I use to be cool with and would hang out with every once in a while. Then I don’t know why people do this but they do. Have you ever had a buddy, not really a person who's your friend, but you talk to each other when you see them, but they don’t know the real you, they just see the outside of your life? Well that's how this guy Mathew was with me. We were young, and we use to be cool, and then time went on and we didn’t talk for a while, and now every time I see him, he just gives me dirty looks. I don’t understand why people choose to not like you when they really don’t know you. I wish people would justat least try to get to know you before assuming anything about you. You’re going to learn that I have a lot of people that dislike me for no reason at all. Sorry, now back to what I was trying to tell you. About two weeks ago, we had a party at my house and Mathew showed up with his friends that we don’t know, and we were all just looking at each other like "What are they doing here?" but likeI've said before, I’m a very forgiving person andI like to just leaveproblems in the past.Oh, also whenI drinkI get very happy, which you'll find outlater on isn’t the best thing for me. So sinceIhad been drinking, I walked up to them and invited them in and asked themif they wanted a drink. See I’m a really cool person to hang out with.Mathew isn’tthat bad of a person, but I do know he has abadpast, not to mention the life he's lived. Hetold me when we were younger, that his dad use to beat him and his mom.He would always watch his dad shoot up heroine in the house while his mom was passed out on the couch. He’s a good looking guy, andcould probably be really cool but he decides to let things that don’t even exist get in the way of becoming friends with me. So we hung out that night and hetold me about how he wishes he lived a different life becausehe doesn’t have a job nor money so him and his friends are always breaking into homes. I feel bad forthe guy because I live a completely different life style. I’m not rich but we do spend lots of money on unnecessary things, and we can have a good time anytime because we have the money for it. But after talking with him, he was too drunk todrive home, soI took him home on the other side oftown, the bad side, and before he got out of my car, he looked at me and said,

"Thanks a lot Jacob, I really appreciate it." And he smiled.

So back to yesterday, my friend calls me up and tells methat he was at some party and Mathew showed up.He said thatMathew was talking with some guynamed Jason,which is another guy thatdoesn’t like me for no reason. I’m sure they have their reasons, but if anything it's because they hate on me, but likeI said before, I don’t show off what I have andif they would just get to know me we could be cool and they wouldn’t have to waste their time talking crap about me.SoMathewbrought up how he was partying with usa couple of weeks ago, and he brought me up and that’s when hemessed up. He didn’t realize my friend was listening, and he started talking shit about me. He started telling Jason thatI’m "a little faggot" and I dress "gay". I didn’t realize that anyone would actually pay attention to the way I dress. I don’t think I dress gay in any way at all, but then againIdon’t think he really meant it as "gay". He then started to say that I think I’m all"cool" becauseI have a nice car, and I’m just a"spoiled ass faggot". I do know thatI have a nice car, but Ihave ajob, and go to workfive days a week to pay for my own car. SoI really don’t see how I’m aspoiled ass faggot, but okay...Itreally hurt me to know he was talking about me after we were just partying together.I mean I thought we were cool again, but oh well,I can’t letstupid things like that bother me.But ifI do see him around, I’m just going to act like he’s not even there.Okay, sodon't forget were going to a desert rave party this Friday and you'll want to know what happens because I meet someone that changes my life forever... Take care :)


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Infinite questions

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