“Vidya!” was the shrill cry that roared from my parched mouth, my final word as I lay on the ground, meek and unable to move a single muscle. My eyes lay fixated upon her as she did not make a move, not even turn and look at me as I lay there, a mere shadow of my former gallant form. How could she be so cruel to me? The one I loved with all my heart! Who loved me back equally! How could she ignore me in this predicament when I need her the most? But my love for her was untainted by this as even with my final breath all I craved was a final glimpse at her mesmerizing smile which served as the purpose for me to get up each morning and live. As my vision blurred to the negligible, my last sight was that of her silky long hair which seemed like a pure, untainted waterfall during the monsoon, lush and breathtaking. As I slowly lost consciousness, I faded away to where I never expected to return. In this final moment my thoughts returned to the first time when I saw her.
It was spring time; the flowers were blooming, birds chirping and the morning sun shining bright in my face. But these beauties of nature turned blind to my eyes as my focus was on my mission. I worked for a secret agency whose name I cannot disclose before you and as a secret agent I was given a mission to investigate the perimeter of the central library for any kind of terrorist threats due to recent bombings. But this seemed like a rather stupid and boring mission to me as a library is the last place terrorists would attack. Bombings are done at crowded places and with today’s world a library is one place which starves for readers like a desert starves for water. I expected nothing from this mission, but little did I know it was about to change my life forever. For at that very moment someone stepped out of the library carrying a voluminous load of books. At first I did not pay attention, but then that figure dropped the load onto the ground and I decided to go ahead and help. I began to collect the scattered books off the ground; it came to my notice that the person carrying the books was a girl since I got a glimpse of long hair as she was collecting the books with me.
When I was handing her the books I collected she looked up at me and smiled. At that moment it was as if that the entire universe had stopped. Time stopped moving, the birds stopped chirping and the sun stopped shinning. It was just her and I. Looking into her eyes, which were as blue and deep as the serene deep ocean, vast and filled with secrets I experienced emotions churn within me which I had never experienced before. I was left speechless unable to utter a single word. She spoke something but it seemed my ability to hear had stopped completely. At that very moment as I stood up with her, that brief second; which seemed to have lasted a thousand years, I spoke my very first words to her “I Love You”. What did I just say? Why? These were the thoughts that crumbled through my mind after those three words had escaped my mouth like stimuli without my consent. I had just proposed to a girl whose name is still a mystery to me. She gave me a weird frown, completely against the smile I witnessed a few moments ago. I could see she was infuriated, and the next thing I know the blood circulation in my cheek came to a standstill as I experienced the most painful slap of my life. I cannot explain how devastating it was. But the pain and humiliation was nothing compared to what I had just felt before it.
As she left my vision was confined to her as I witnessed her lush hair from behind just as I am witnessing right now, only difference being that now I am about to die and then it was like I was just born as I felt that my life only started after I saw her and before it I was just drifting along aimlessly. At that moment I knew that I was going to marry this girl and that she is “The One”. Being a secret agent I had great skills of pursuit making it an easy task for me to follow her undetected all the way to her house.
She stepped out the next morning and I stood before her apologizing for my mistake. I told her that I was sorry for my actions and for what I had said but I was unable to help it, she was the most beautiful girl I had seen in my entire life and when she gazed with a smile upon me it was as if my world had come to a meaning, my dead life was suddenly re-infused with spirit and that I did not mean to say but words came out of my mouth unmotivated and unintentional. She still had the same frown on her face and my heart filled with fear of the same slap which almost made me lose consciousness yesterday. But this time she just left. But as she left I caught a glance of something magical, a smile on her face gleamed like the bright sunlight after the dark and gloomy night, the rest of my day I spent with day dreaming and crashing into walls as my mind and vision were engulfed by the sight of that smile and all else ceased to exist.
I was assigned a top secret mission the details of which I am unauthorized to disclose before you. But you do know for a fact that I had other things on my mind, which seemed to have gained much greater importance than any top secret mission. I wanted to see her, this girl of mystery; this girl of my dreams once more. Eventually I found myself outside her home rather than at my assigned location. As she came out my expectant eyes awaited that magnificent smile, but she rather ignored my presence and went her way. Dismay grew as I made my exit with heavy steps. Suddenly, a sharp sound stopped my moving steps as my heart raced with fear of the worst. I gulped as I began to turn slowly witnessing the horrid incident before my eyes. There she was on her stomach in the middle of the road with blood spilling from her knee. Before I knew it I was running, faster than a bolt of lightning and I reached her. "Can you get up?" I asked. A faint "Yes" from her mouth gave my heart the content which I could not have experienced even after a million good deeds as I helped her get up. Limping, she slowly moved as she put her arm around me. Her friend whom I assumed travels with her each day arrived at the spot. Seeing her condition her friend, worried and concerned came leaping forward to help her. Her friend did not notice me as she took charge of her and I decided to let go. I turned around to leave. But as I did I overheard their conversation. "What were you doing?" her friend asked. "Crossing the she replied". "No, I mean just now", her friend added. "I was being helped by that nice man" she said pointing towards me. I smiled as her friend turned around to see me. But my smile was reciprocated by her friend with a frown. Confused, I thought maybe her friend considered me to be one of the street thugs or roadside Romeo’s mothers warn their daughters about and therefore she frowned at me assuming my helpful gesture to be filled with selfish motives. Nevertheless, my heart knew how pure its feelings were for this girl.
That single spark that day would flare up as it laid the foundations for our love. In the next few months we fell in love as I learned everything about her, including the fact that this angel was called Vidya. We met almost met everyday talking about each other getting closer every second. My life had stopped; I did not want it to move from here. My incomplete form was completed when I was with her. To even imagine the fact that I joined the secret service because I did not believe in love or emotions was so alien to me that it seemed like fiction. She loved me equally; in fact it seemed her love for me surpassed my own, as I had never experienced such concern for myself as she did for me. It was like I was in wonderland a dream world with only her and I. I never wanted it to end. I finally came to the conclusion that I would complete this final mission and quit the secret service. I would then marry her, settle down with a steady job and spend my entire life in pursuit of her smile.
A few days later, one evening I asked her the very question which I once believed I would never have the need to ask anyone in this life. I asked her to marry me, I told her that "My life is not mine, it is your's; since each morning for me starts with the hope of seeing you and ends with hope seeing you the next day, no matter where I am and what I am doing, the thought of your smile brings a smirk to my face even in the most gloomy atrocities. I Love you so much and I want to love you the same forever and ever up to my last breath and even after that and I ask you to give me this opportunity by marrying me". At that moment I experienced the happiest split second which nobody must have ever experienced before as she said “Yes” and I got up as we began to dance under the moonlit, star studded sky, looking into each other’s eyes. Our love shone brighter than any star in the sky making them look down upon us with amazement and wonder, envious of our happiness.
That night as we left we took the train to reach our destination. Beside us sat a man with a beautiful child in his lap. I smiled as I saw the man caressing this child’s head who seemed to be his daughter. This sight of love happened to fill my heart with joy. As I smiled I looked towards my dear Vidya. But what is this I saw? She was in tears. At that moment I realized that me who had gone through greatest intensities of pain during his service, with a smirk, could experience such unbearable pain by her tears alone. It was as if my heart was ripping on the inside. I asked her what the matter was. She seemed to shy away bent on not disclosing the reason for her dismay. I realized the intensity of the situation and decided not to ask. But this was a puzzle I had to solve.
We had decided one day to go to an amusement Park together. That was one of the best nights of my life. We had one of the most romantic dates a couple could possibly have especially when she held my arm tight and lay her head against me on the Ferris wheel. It was then at that high altitude on the Ferris wheel that our emotions soared to their very peak. I touched a strand of her long wavy hair reluctantly. She seemed to respond by looking passionately towards me. I touched her face, and then as if there were magnets between the two of us, we closed our eyes and came in close and that was it. The first kiss of my life, as our lips touched, I felt there were fireworks within me which had just been ignited. That had to be the best moment of both our lives as I caught a glimpse of a tear from her eye. But this one did not cause any pain for me as I knew and felt that this was a tear of utmost joy. Even now, in my dying moment a thought of that very moment fills my heart to the very brink and awakens within me a hope to live again.
After this we went to the roller coaster. She said she was afraid of it. But I persuaded her to follow me, holding her hand and assuring her that everything will be alright. With reluctant steps she hoped into the roller coaster with me at the very front car. I really enjoyed the ride, but midway I heard coughing and heavy breaths. My Vidya was uncomfortable, she was having trouble breathing, immediately the joy of the ride transformed into horror as I screamed for the ride to be stopped. As we reached the end of the ride, I leapt out to help her exit this vehicle of death which I now hated more than anything else in the world. The people from the back seats carried her for first aid, I looked at them with anger, they need not help her when I am there, always a part of her. But when my eyes turned towards her, the sight of her panting made me forget all else, as those people who even ignored my very presence with her carried her to the local hospital. I understood one thing about male nature that day, it was that men always are trying to impress beautiful women no matter how twisted circumstances maybe. They did notice she was with me but that would not stop them from completely ignoring this fact and trying to impress her. The irony of this fact was that I too did the same a few months ago and it was the reason I was now with the love of my life, but now I was above all this for my life was cut off from other women and my love was confined only to Vidya. I sat by her as she was provided medical attention; tears falling from my eyes as I assured her everything will be alright.
Later when her condition was stabilized she went to meet her family doctor. Apparently, it was an asthmatic attack and Vidya had never told me about this problem as she did not want me to worry and that was the reason she was avoiding the roller coaster. I made her swear never to hide anything from me. She promised the same. As we took a seat the doctor began to explain to her on how to take care of her health. I did wonder that I had seen this doctor somewhere before. I was sure that he was once a part of my mission. But none of this mattered much as he did not seem to recognize me and his words fell on deaf ears as my eyes focused on the one they loved. But something that I heard made my ears stand like that of an alert wolf. The doctor said "Ever since your father died you have had this problem". Like the pages of a book my mind flipped to the memory of her tears in the train. They were shed because she saw the love of the father and daughter and it reminded her of her own father. My thoughts were interrupted by the question of the doctor asking her "Who helped you?" “He did” she said looking towards me. I smiled at the doctor and it was only then I saw his face closely and realized, he was a part of an aggressive terrorist organization and that is the reason why I knew him from somewhere. He had the guise of a doctor and we had absolutely no evidence against him. He too may have recognized me as he looked at me with such a gaze which can send a chill of fear down the spine of even the bravest of the brave. I took Vidya by the hand and told her we are leaving and rushed out of the room pulling her with me. When she asked me the reason for this brash behavior, I told her to trust me and that it is for her own safety. She loved me so much she nodded in consent. I wanted to tell her the reason for my actions but I could not as I was bound by shackles of the oath of secrecy I swore before joining the secret service.
That day I asked her about her father, she said that she had promised never to lie to me and therefore she is telling me this. I was all ears to listen to her. She said that she loved her father more than any daughter had ever loved. But she was very young when her father died in a car accident. The pain was beyond compare for her and she was unable to accept the fact that her father was dead. She came home each day from school and waited for her father to return from work unaware that he would never return. One day she even saw her father open the door and enter, she leaped forward and hugged him father only find that he was not there. She cried all night after that. She said that this was the very reason that she could not have many friends or any relationships as the pain was too much to bear and with time her remorse only grew stronger. At that moment I held her tight in my arms comforting her. I knew that there was nothing I could ever do to heal this pain but at that moment I made a promise to myself that with each breath I take I would do everything in my might to always keep her happy and never let a smile elude her face.
That very night something very strange happened. Something I had never experienced before. A strange pain began to emerge and later erupt in my heart. Every moving second the pain grew stronger and I grew weaker and weaker. I felt I was going to die and I wanted to speak to her. Barely crawling out of my bed I fell to the ground with a major thud. Somehow crawling, weak and in pain I made my way to her home. "Vidya!" was my beckon. She came to her window and saw me laying flat outside her home. My expectant eyes waited for her to come leaping down and nurse me back to good health. What happened next was worst than my most fearful nightmare's. She saw me and went back in as she turned off the light only to fall back to sleep. This reaction seemed quite alien; I rubbed my eyes as they could not believe what they had just witnessed. My Vidya doing this to me? Why? All night I squirmed in pain howling her name but to despair.
Next morning she came out of her home like always, her friend was waiting for her while I lay on the road weak taking very few breaths - one of my last few breaths. Emotions and love within me soared as I screamed out her name. She looked at me with a tear of pain in her eyes. This made my heart strong with hope expecting to live a few more moments just to see her again to kiss her again like that day on the Ferris wheel. But her friend came, and took hold of her arm and asked "What happened?” "There he is!" Vidya replied. "Ignore him". She said with a frown. "Did the doctor not tell you last night that you are experiencing the same hallucinations like you used to experience for your father when you were young? Ignore him and maybe he would not return". These words made my head spin and my whole existence came to a halt. Could it be? Was my existence just a part of the imagination of the one I love? Then it all came to me, why all the people whom Vidya introduced me to always frowned when I smiled at them, it was because I never existed, they could not see me and their expression, it was not an angry frown but that of a confused one! Then on deeper thought I realized I did not know which agency I worked for what were my missions and why was I at the library that day. I even had no memory of my past before that day. Moreover, I did even know my own name! I sought to believe that after the events of yesterday the doctor must have realized Vidya's condition and explained it to her. Her realization caused my existence to diminish and hence this pain. Her realization is bringing about my destruction! This made me even weaker as I began panting taking my very few final breaths. Hence in this Final moment I screamed out her name one last time and as you know she turned away going with her friend leaving me to die with pain and love for her forever existent in my heart as I slowly faded away never to return my very existence coming to an end. So how am I narrating this tale to you if I cease to exist? If that’s what you wonder, then let me tell you, I never really existed in the first place, I merely returned to where I was born, in the heart of my dear Vidya. She was the sole purpose I was born and she is the very reason I existed. Now I have attained eternal bliss as I am and always will be a part of her, somewhere in her heart I reside and I shall reside here forever with the love of my life never to leave.
© Copyright 2017 Wander. All rights reserved.
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