A Dark Place

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
A short story of the things people should not have to experience, that i managed to get through and come out the other side.

Submitted: September 08, 2013

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Submitted: September 08, 2013

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A Dark Place...
This happened between the ages of 17-24. I guessed every time someone in my family looked at me they always saw my father which is the main reason i thought i was always alone in life. I guess it all started when i met a older woman which of my age of 17 was the best thing ever, but she was married and i didn't realize it but she was using me to get away from her problems. It all started really well and i thought i was in love, which was just about to turn for the worse. She tried everything to get away from me, even managed to send a picture of her kissing someone else to my phone which devastated me, my heart was broken. This happened while my parents where away on holiday and still had another week to go, so i needed people around me. But what i didn't know was that she was seeing one of my friends who was staying with me while i was going through this break up which ended breaking my heart to bits and started feeling alone because all my friends thought it was funny.There was this one night i remember which i managed to take about 6 different drugs in one night because i was hoping that it would all end and my heart would go out, but after a while all i did was trip out a lot and a girl took advantage of me while i was in this state and ended up having sex in the forest, not much of it i can remember. While this was going on for a while i started getting into heavy drugs, taking coke every morning and smoking weed to get me to sleep at night. After a while i started getting into to much more heavy drugs and praying that one day i might not wake up, but the problem was i didn't realize i had not slept for more than a week. Every pay check i was getting i was spending more on drugs and fags, spending over a thousand pounds a month on drugs. The days were flying past and i didn't want to spend anytime at home and thought it would be a good idea to live with a gay landlord who was selling me the drugs, which turned out to be a massive mistake. There was a lot of metal and sexual abuse some of which i can barely remember because of the drug taking. Some of the abuse i don't like talking about which i have only told two people in my whole life and like to keep it that way. After taking the metal abuse i really needed to get out of there and decided to move back in with my parents, which my mother knew that something was wrong and knew i was taking something. 
I ended up living with my Nan which did me some good, because i was cutting down on the drugs and wanting to do something with my life. I ended up with another woman who was a little bit older than me and ended up moving in with her, but soon after that i felt more like a babysitter for her kid than a boyfriend. After a while i started getting accused of sleeping with other people which was not true and long story short she ended up throwing me out while still being used for sex. This went on for a while until all my friends turned against me and i felt like i was pushed into a corner, i found a place of my own and went for it straight away even though at that point i had no job. Living there for about a year i starting thinking there was no hope for me and this was where i was going to die. I don't want to go into detail but there were many of suicide attempts on my part that were unsuccessful. The one that pushed me over the edge was a message from my sister which basically said that she wanted nothing to do with me and her family and that i was dead to her, and the family hated me. I guess having a message like that when your having the feeling i was going through was bad. One night i even ended up in hospital because i had sliced my hands up so bad, that a man walking his dog in the field found me and called an ambulance thinking i was dead with how pale i was at the time. I wanted no one to find out about it and told them not to tell anyone and ended up getting a train back to the flat i was living in at the time. The feeling i was going though at the time i could not explain, i needed someone around me but was too scared to ask because they would say i was just attention seeking or just thinking the worse, but i didn't want to get hurt anymore because i had always found the wrong people. There was a lot more that happened but some of it will stay in my head because i find it hard to talk to anyone about because it was a very dark time for me and i want no one to go through what i did, thinking there was no way out and suicide was the only option.. I spent a lot of time writing down my feelings but had to throw them away just in case someone decided to read them. 


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