An Open Letter to Those Who Feel Worthless

Reads: 1057  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is an open letter to everyone who is dealing with depression, anxiety or any type of mental illness that makes you feel worthless, including myself.

Submitted: January 27, 2016

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 27, 2016



I don't know if you've ever felt like nothing good will ever happen in your life. That you aren't worthy of anything good, great, beautiful or what you deserve. Not because you think the world is a terrible place or think that it's unfair but because of yourself. You sabotage yourself and you are the problem in your own life. You push yourself down, you critizie yourself until you're in tears, you make every single choice bad and tell yourself that every bad thing that has ever happened is your fault. You put it in your own head that you will always lose, you will never be good enough and you aren't worthy of love. You are the reason you cry at night. Your insecurities eat you alive until all you want to do is cry, drink until you blackout and slit your wrists. You are the reason you feel this way. But there are two sides of you. The person you are and want to be and then there's the "other you" which is the personification of every negative thought; every insecurity in your life.

They will change dominance at different points in your life. Sometimes you know where you'e going, into a deep abyss in your mind and the you that you are and like fights to stay dominate. That's why slipping into depression hurts so bad. The two halves of yourself are constantly at war and one always has the upper hand. Most of the time it's the "other you" but you are fighting and you are strong and that son of a bitch is lying and wrong. It will tell you the most distorted realities and make the colors of life seep into the abyss. It is trying to kill you. There is nothing more frightening that your own mind luring you into a prison. Nothing more painful than looking back on any given moment of your life, good or bad and it gets turned into the most terrible thing you've ever done. The "other you" is smoothering and scary. It tells you that no matter what you do, who you try to become, and anyone you come into contact with is tainted. You are not worthy, you're unloveable and helpless. It wants you to crawl on your knees and beg to not feel anymore. But you can't do that. You need to push yourself back onto you feet, whether you're trembling like a leaf or roaring like a lion, you need to fight it. 

I catch myself thinking about how much of a fuck up I am, that I'm tainting the people around me, posioning my own success even when everything is going smoothly.This negative voice whispers but I have a different voice that screams to rip through the darkness and fog to bring back some sense and clarity. I reassure myself that I am actually doing well and that I am where I should be. I am helping the people around me and I need those people to help me too. Life gets difficult and it was never promised to be easy but God fucking damn it, you have made it this far. Every day you wake up and drag yourself out of bed, you are winning. Every time you see yourself and you think "Wow, I look nice today." or know that the girlfriend you've been with for 2 years is toxic and tell her goodbye because you love yourself enough to know she needs to go. Every day is a chance to feel a little less empty. Some people start full and pour out all they have, some people start with nothing and have to figure out how to fill themselves but it has to be learned. Everyone needs help, everyone needs time to heal from something.

Whenever you feel like you are nothing you need to look around at the people who go out of their way to see and talk to you. Who check on you and show you that they care. You never know what you have done. That invitation to a birthday party stopped someone from hanging themselves over the weekend. The mom who you know has never loved herself but loves you unconditionally is the reason you didn't swallow her medicine. The baby you weren't expecting came along and you couldn't bear to take two lives. There has been a point in your life where you have made a difference. You are wanted and needed. Yes, I said it. NEEDED. Someone in your life needs you no matter how lost in your own mind you get. They need you to lighten their day, to know that you're okay. Don't hurt those around you because the "other you" wants life to be black and miserable. There are only so many days we have with those we love and we need to show them that they are loved and worthy of love just as much as we are ourselves. Don't let the "other you" dim your light. There is good in this world and it's you. Love others. Be brave. Be strong. Get help. Heal. Learn to love yourself. 

© Copyright 2018 When-my-Heart-stops-beating. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:

More True Confessions Miscellaneous