Romanticizing Mental Illness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Romanticizing mental illness is wrong but let me tell you, it gets romantic

Submitted: March 29, 2016

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Submitted: March 29, 2016



There's a lot of posts about people finding others who kiss their self-harm scars and are finding weird ways to romanticize mental illness. A lot of people who suffers from issues like that are getting very offended that posts and pictures are floating around about it. I understand why people are angry but at the same time I don't. What is so wrong with someone finding someone so understanding and loving that they do find your brokeness beautiful? I have been diagnosed with manic-depressive bipolar disorder, anxiety, self-harmed and attempted suicide. I know how it feels to hear ignorant people say they're "so bipolar" or they're "schizzing out", things like that offends me. You have mood swings? That's normal. Not insane, extreme mood swings where there is no reason and there is no control. 

What I don't understand is why it's wrong for depressed people to want someone to love them enough to find their scars beautiful. My husband has taken everything I have done and said in strides and I am so lucky and proud that he is mine. He knows when to leave things alone, he does everything he can to make the swings easier for me. I still have anxiety attacks if something feels to tight on my neck, I haven't been able to properly wear my seatbelt for the past 4 years. I have had fits of horrible depression where I've hurt myself and cried every night, there have been dozens of times where he has pushed my long bangs out of teary, red eyes and kissed my forehead. Pulled me into his lap while I hugged myself crying. One New Year's Eve I was crying in the shower and he came in and stood right outside the tub and hugged me while water poured onto him and the bathroom floor. He didn't care that he was completely soaked, all he knew was that I needed him to hold me, whether I wanted to admit it or not. 

He may not kiss the scars or the wounds when I have hurt myself, he gives me a look of pain. One that tells me that by hurting myself, I'm hurting him. When I smile, I can see light in his eyes. When I'm upset he looks for any avenue he can take to make it easier on me. It's hard knowing that loving me is a heavy job even for such a loving man. Although, I have to tell you, it is romantic. He loves me enough to do anything and everything he can. He isn't perfect and I am far from it but I know that flaws and all, this man loves me. He proves it everyday. Every swing. I'm lucky, very lucky, I have a man who wants and tries to understand. He may not buy me flowers or tell me I'm beautiful everyday but when I look like hell, my hazel eyes red and stinging, my chest heaving out sobs and he looks me in the eye and tells me he loves me no matter what, those things don't matter. 

I'm not saying finding someone like him is what everyone needs to do but it's amazing to have unconditional love. Regardless of love, though, you still need to be your own hero and save yourself. There is also a reason to stay. Mine was my sister, now it's my husband and the fact I cannot wait to be a mom and have our own family. Love is a necessity, if you cannot love yourself enough to stay, just know that someone else loves you enough to need you. Mental illness isn't romantic in it's core but it shows love in ways you've never felt before.

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