Smart Button

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
It's sad when old people can't cope with new technology.

Submitted: March 03, 2015

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Submitted: March 03, 2015

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It was so embarrassing. I was sitting in a doctor's waiting room when I heard loud singing.

". . . in Memphis . . . She took me upstairs for a ride . . ."

Everybody was looking in my direction. I threw up my hands and said, "No, no, it's not me. I'm not singing." But it did sound like it was coming from me. I got up and looked around. The singing continued.

" . . . across her shoulder . . . can't seem to drink you off my mind . . ."

The sound followed me wherever I went. I was perplexed, nearly panicky if the truth be known.

" . . .  give me, give me, give me the honky tonk blues . . ."

A teenager sitting in the corner said, "It's your shirt, dude."

". . . New York City . . . some kind of a fight . . . "

My shirt? My shirt was singing? Man, that didn't make any sense at all.

Exasperated, the teenager continued, "You've got a smart button on your shirt. They come with 30 days free satellite radio. Obviously you like that oldies crap."

". . . covered me in roses . . . she blew my nose and then she blew my mind . . ."

Say what? A smart button? "Can you turn it off?" I asked.

The teenager rolled his eyes, got up, walked over and shouted at my shirt, "kay, eye, oh, eff!"

Much to my great relief, the music stopped immediately. "Thank you." I said, "I sure appreciate your help." Then, kind of as afterthought, I mused, "KIOF?"

The kid rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, KIOF. It means 'knock it off, fucker'. Smart Buttons are voice activated, dude." he said in disgust. On his way back to his seat, the kid muttered, "Jesus, old people don't know shit."

It took me a while to regain my composure, for my blood pressure to drop back down from the stratosphere, for my breathing to return to normal. I turned sideways in my chair, so I wouldn't have to look at the kid. I was ashamed of my technological obsolescence. Maybe I really am too old for today's modern world. Hell, I don't even own a smart phone, and I certainly have never heard of a smart button. Then I heard a loud voice.

". . . gained 100 points on moderate trading . . . in other news . . ."

I grabbed my shirt and pulled it up to my face. I shouted into the button, "KIOF! DAMMIT! KIOF!"

Fortunately, that solved my problem once and for all. I awoke from that dream shaking and perspiring profusely. It's too bad that I'm not a drinking man because I sure could use a stiff one about now.

Copyright © 2015 W.C. Bell; All rights reserved.


© Copyright 2019 Whiskey Charlie. All rights reserved.

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