The Perfect Woman

Reads: 553  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 5

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

They say the perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.

She took my breath away as surely as if I had been punched in the gut. Her beauty exceeded anything I had seen in real life or in the mind's eye of my grandest imaginations. I felt an electric jolt course through my loins, leaving a tingling sensation. I was in love. Better yet, I was at the crossroads where love and lust intersect in the perfect storm of desire.

I was randomly surfing the Internet, and I had stumbled across an album of steampunk pictures. I was delighted because the genre is a favorite of mine. I've been into steam ever since my dad took me to an enthusiasts' gathering one summer where I saw a Union Pacific Challenger do a run-by. It thundered across the plains of Kansas, highballing it, belching smoke and shaking the ground like an iron dinosaur in full charge, but that's another story for another time.

The picture was obviously photoshopped. It was made to look as if it were something from the distant past. It was basically black and white, but it was overlain with a pastel wash of colors, with cobalt blue eyes, cornsilk blond hair and ruby lips. I realized it was exaggerated for artistic effect, but no amount of fakery could disguise the raw, divine beauty of the woman herself.

I had to know who she was. I tried a tineye search, but that proved fruitless. Then, I reverse engineered the HTML. I wasn't able to make sense out of the URL, however, I was able to determine that the name of the file was Heidi_H_26.jpg.

If I had been at home on my iMac, the research would have been a piece of cake, but I was at my cousin's house. It was a couple years back when I was forced to flee north on I-59, evacuating for Hurricane Isaac. Unfortunately, she (my cousin) had one of those friggin' Windows PCs, the kind that are, and always will be, mysterious black boxes to me.

"Whatcha doin'?" my cousin asked as she stuck her head in the door.

"I'm trying to track down this picture." I replied.

"Oh, you mean Heidi Hinkel?" she asked, glancing at the computer screen.

"Wait! What? You know this woman?"

Cousin Boo rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, of course I know her, Charlie. That's my photo album that you're scanning."

"Does she live around here? Can I meet her?"

Boo felt my forehead to see if I might be feverish. "Charlie!" she exclaimed, "That's your great-grandmother. She's been dead 100 years or more."

Sheepishly embarrassed, I managed to squeak out a little, "Oh."

Meanwhile, internally, my mind screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They say the perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum. It sure seemed that way to me the day Hurricane Isaac roared ashore back home, the day that I learned that the universe had denied me the chance to meet the perfect woman.

Copyright © 2015 W.C. Bell; All rights reserved.


Submitted: April 12, 2015

© Copyright 2020 Whiskey Charlie. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

B Douglas Slack

Great story, Charlie. It saddens me to see shots of actresses from the 50's and 60's and then compare them to today's pictures. I'd rather live in the past. ~Tom

Sun, April 12th, 2015 5:20pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read, Tom. I think beauty is timeless, however, the old styles of hair and dress and stuff do push the buttons of our individual fantasies.

Sun, April 12th, 2015 10:30am

Joe Stuart

This story reminds me of a song called 'He's His Own Grandpaw'. An interesting concept, Charlie, and another clever story from you. I think perfection is in the eye of the beholder; otherwise we would all be fighting for the hand of the same woman. ~ Joe

Sun, April 12th, 2015 9:12pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read, Joe. I stumbled across a photo on the net this morning of a porcelain goddess dressed cosplay-steampunk-gothic style and thought, "Hmm, there must be a story in there somewhere." I'll have to lookup the song when I get the chance.

Sun, April 12th, 2015 2:32pm

Joseph Mark

With today's technology they can make anyone appear anywhere. Even if the person has been dead for quite some time! Nice story.

Tue, April 14th, 2015 8:38am

Author
Reply

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and, yes, images in the Internet have fooled me several times.

Tue, April 14th, 2015 2:43am

Labyrinth Black

Ah well, that was unfortunate #~# But it just goes to show, "You can't always get what you wa-ant~" ^_^

Tue, September 1st, 2015 10:01pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the read, Labby. Yes, you can't always get what you want, but why does life tempt you like that just to snatch it away? It seems so cruel.

Tue, September 1st, 2015 5:22pm

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