Her shades covered her eyes, laying by the pool Cici sipped her wine & reflected on her pathetic love life. Her heart hurt, but was it her fault? Opening her diary she poured out her soul…
Who wouldn’t want me? 5’5 with a body to kill for, or at least pay for. My looks have never been an issue, I KNOW I’m the shit. Ha! I got more money than I can spend, all my clothes are designer, cars, yes with an S, plural bitches, I have my own crib & a man (well, technically he was married, but he never loved that hoe!). I know, I know, I’m a homewrecker, hoe, sidechick, I’ve heard it all, but that’s not me. Darryl geniuely loved me. He told me all the time! He was just waiting on the right time to file for divorce, he has a lot of assets at stake, you know BIG money. ;) A lot of people wonder how I ended up in this lifestyle (the jealous bitches of course!) but, it wasn’t something that I grew up wishing for, but Darryl approached ME & with looks like his, how could I turn him down? He definitely can have my number, I told him he better use it too! Shoot. He didn’t call me right away, but when he did he explained to me his “situation” aka his wife. He doesn’t love that hoe, he just stayed with her ass for the kids sake. I love a man that takes care of his kids. Definite plus. One text turned into ten, next thing you know we were talking whenever he had a free moment. We planned to meet up several times. He had good taste, The Hilton, can we say baller? We had a standing reservation. Room 403. He spoiled me. I deserved it though, I do what his wife can’t, made him happy.
Let me back up though, before him, I was good. Let’s be clear, I didn’t NEED him, I had my own place, I had a car, I was getting money. But, being with him he gave me more than I could’ve imagined. The gifts, the money, the cars, shopping, it was a whole new world! He would just buy me little things to show me how much he cared.
So anytime we met up at the Hilton, I admit, it got physical, oh well. We’re both grown. So what he’s married? If his wife was doing things right he wouldn’t be up in my face. At the end of the day we’re both happy, it’s a win/win deal. I guess I would call it my contribution to charity. Ha! Look at me getting all distracted & shit. Anyways, this last time something was a little strange. After our usual session I went to take a shower, with nothing but a towel on (smelling quite scrumptious might I add) I went out to offer him to join me, but when I walked out the bathroom he was already dressed & headed to the door. I guess that bitch had called him to see where he was at. He promised it wouldn’t be the last time he saw me & he would call me later on. Inside I was pissed as hell, disappointed, jealous, all of the above, but I just smiled & gave him a quick kiss goodbye. He can’t see me upset about his wife or it will make it awkward for the both of us.
Later on after I left, I kept checking my phone, no texts or calls. He’s probably just busy.
One day turned into a week, a week turned into two, two turned into a month & a month turned into a few. I kept my phone by me expecting him to call, but he woudln’t respond to my texts or calls. It hurt so bad, how could he play ME?! Then to make matters worse the other day I go to the grocery store to get some items for dinner & I saw him. I looked over and our eyes locked & for that second I felt butterflies, just like the day I met him. I thought he would smile & come greet me, explaining to me that he didn’t intentionally ignore me, that his phone was fucking up & that’s why he disappeared. I was wrong. We locked eyes & he immediately had his attention diverted by a female, not just any female, his wife. Only then did I take in the whole scene. He was with his wife & his child, as he walked away his wife smiling, obviously not noticing his distraction, she talked to him giddily about something. She grabbed his hand & placed on her stomach, I saw him smile. It wasn’t the smile of an unhappy man, it was a geniune smile. My heart dropped & I immediately turned & quickly checked out my food & damn near ran to my car. Tears freely ran down my cheeks as I drove, I hastily wiped them away. I don’t know where it went wrong. I gave Darryl everything he needed! I made him happy! Why?
-Cici (the “sidechick”)
Respect is something that you’re not born with. It’s something that is earned by the choices & actions you make throughout life. Not only do we need to respect others, which sometimes can be a hard thing to do if we feel they are not worthy of it, but we need to respect ourselves. With respect comes an understanding of worth & values. Knowing what you will or will not tolerate with help you throughout life. Every person has a moment were their values & self-worth is tested, but how we react is the determing factor of whether or not we will crumble or be respected for standing strong. Know your worth.
“Surround yourself with people who know your worth. You don’t need too many people to be happy, just a few real ones who appreciate you for exactly who you are.” -Unknown
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