Only In My World

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
No one understands the pain you go through...
No one understands the pain you endure...
But I do.

Submitted: April 13, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 13, 2014



What I don't get is love. No really, what is it? I'm not being stupid or anything, but I just don't understand it as fully as other people may. I've never fallen in love, I don't watch romances, I don't have siblings who have fell in love and my parents...? What parents?
I'm an orphan, and have been for at least my whole life, fourteen years. I haven't attended school before, my foster carers home-school me and I've honestly never had any friends before. I like all of your typical 'Goth' child stuff, you know, the songs with screaming in them, the dark attire, the fringe and the everything. Criticise me all you want, I don't care; I'm not a man of emotions. I've longed to go to school, but my foster carers just don't agree to let me go there because I've not been brought up like any other child. They're not your average foster carers, they're the ones who influenced my dress-style and music taste, but my expressionless feature is forever unknown. 

"Please, Catholine!" I begged her again. She's my 'mother' role, I've never called her mum, though, I just haven't had the guts to call her that name. She placed her hands on her hips and let her jet-black hair sway slightly. 

"No means no, Jewel. We're not prepared for you to expose yourself to any other teenagers," and with that Catholine whisked herself away to the kitchen to prepare dinner. I sighed and slumped back into the couch, Xbox controller in my hands and Call of Duty paused. Why is she so over protective? Maybe I'll ask Harry... or maybe Anastasia. There was a list of people I could ask, but I knew they'd only agree with Catholine. I let out a long sigh and resumed my game, shooting noobs and yelling at squeakers. 
What else can I do if all of my 'school' work is completed? 

I woke up, stretching, on the couch. Great, I fell asleep playing Minecraft again... I groaned and wandered upstairs to my room, remembering the two people I could ask: Harry (he's basically the role of a dad, I suppose) and Anastasia (sister, I guess). My first option was Harry, so I poked my head around the door of his and Catholine's room and had my usual blank expression pasted over my face. "H-Harry?" I stuttered, cocking my head to a side. 

"What is it, Jewel?" he grumbled, refraining from working his band's new album cover. I shuffled into the room, twiddling my thumbs nervously. 

"Can I go to school?" I asked, my bottom lip quivering slightly. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair then looked around the room for a second. 

"Did you ask Catholine?" my stomach dropped. I kicked at the carpet. 

"Yeah, she said yes..." I lied, looking him in the eyes. 

"Then so be it, it's 7:15am right now so I can drive you down to the nearest one to see if you could join? Does that sound good?" I nodded far too many times, my head feeling like it would drop off any minute if I kept this going. "I know she would've said no, by the way, but I kind of think you should get some better education with some friends," he beamed at me, setting the laptop aside, Photoshop still running. 

I couldn't believe this actually happened. Harry asked if I could join the small school that was in our little town and the headmistress agreed to let me join! I was excited yet nervous at the same time since they said I could start today, though I wouldn't be wearing uniform yet since they needed to pay for it and Harry said he'd pay after he finished getting at least one hundred copies of his new album finished. "This will be your form room," the headmistress beamed at me, hand on the doorknob. "I'll introduce you to the other students as well as the form tutor, and since you don't seem to know much about schools... let's just say you're going to be in year nine with the age range of thirteen to fourteen," I nodded slowly as she opened the wooden door, people's faces immediately  appearing. "Mr.Harrison, this will be your newest student, Jewel Sharpe," the headmistress held my left shoulder as she smiled at the young man: he only looked like he was in his 20's. 

"Ah, right, well you're welcome here, you can take a seat just over there," he pointed me to a spare seat next to a boy that looked kind of similar to me, except from the facial structure I noticed from under all of his hair. I nervously walked over to my seat and was handed some sort of notebook that had the words 'Planner' scrawled over them by Mr.Harrison. "This will help you know which lessons to get to, oh and by the way, Trey?" the boy's head shot up that was next to me and stared at me then the teacher. 

"What is it, sir?" he grumbled groggily. 

"You will be helping Jewel around on his first week here, OK? Don't let me down," and with that Mr.Harrison went back to stand at the front of the classroom. I saw Trey exhale and stare at me for a couple of minutes before speaking up, 

"Sooo, this is awkward..." Trey muttered, narrowing his eyes at me whilst straightening his clip-on tie. He had some ear-buds dangling from around his neck and I could hear faint music playing. I shrugged.

"What song you got playing?" he groaned. 

"Do you mean what song have I got playing? Yeah I think you do. Anyways, I've got a Blacklisted Me song on." I almost grabbed one of his ear-buds when he replied. 

"Hey, I like them... even though they only released, like, four songs..." I saw him smile slightly, so that got me smiling, also, which felt weird... why was I smiling again? 

"Did you enjoy your day here?" Trey asked me as we were walking out of the gates, wearing a black hoodie with one ear-bud in his ears and one hanging around his neck. I nodded slightly. 

"I suppose so, but I don't like our Resistant Materials teacher, he's kind of scary," I shuddered just of the thought of him. He yelled at me just for not cutting the right piece of wood off on our planks. I swear I wanted to rip his head off at the time. Trey chuckled. 

"Yeah, I guess Mr. Howards is the worst when it comes to students doing the wrong thing, even the new kids." his explanation made me shudder a second time. 

"W-Well thanks for helping me get around..." I thanked him quietly as students began to pass us. Trey cast me a smile and walked off in the opposite direction as me... how I wished he actually lived in my neighbourhood. 

"How was your first day of school, hmm?" Catholine asked me, her hands placed on her hips once again and her face said 'disgusted'. I started twiddling my thumbs. 

"It was nice, I made a friend too... I think?" I looked up at the ceiling and thought about Trey again and his beautiful, chocolate-brown eyes that made me attempt to smile. The fact I did smile towards him was amazing. 
Catholine immediately raised a thin, black eyebrow and smiled. 

"Really? That's amazing!" she brought me into a hug. Then I heard somebody faintly laughing. 

"How cute!" it was Anastasia, she was a bit of a bitch but I put up with her, as did Harry and Catholine, being their own daughter and all. She was exactly like them, as well, though she dyed her hair a bright purple and got many piercings, which her parents didn't have, and wore more combat boots and torn clothes. 

"Shut up," I grumbled, running up the stairs and locking myself in my room. I realized that Anastasia left her laptop in my room the last time she was in here, so I quickly dragged it out from under my bed and started up Chrome. "Facebook?" I questioned, then quickly opened it up, revealing Anastasia's account (which I quickly logged out of to create my own). 
In all honesty, I've never been on a laptop before, just the Xbox and my MP3. Kill me, go on, do it. 
I quickly set up my profile and immediately searched for Anastasia and soon found her profile, then looked for Trey. Weirdly enough, he was there. She was only a year older than me, so I suppose it's likely that she'll know quite a lot of people in the school if she's a year ten, I guess. I messaged him and before I knew it, he replied? 

Jewel Sharpe: ummm hi?
Trey Madden: Oh, hi. o-o
Jewel Sharpe: i guess i just made a facebook? 
Trey Madden: I can see, lemme just add you ono
Jewel Sharpe: ok?

I didn't realize how awkward our conversation went on to be. He did add me, and after that we decided to talk about bands, life, school and then he logged off, making me feel a little sad inside. I guess it was just because I've never had a friend and I didn't think they'd just leave after about two hours of talking to each other. I don't know, I'm still grasping this whole 'friendship' thing. 

A new day and I'm up early for school... nice. I'll have to get used to being woken up as early as Anastasia does, it feels weird to me. 
After finishing breakfast, Anastasia and I walked down to school together, her talking about how her boyfriend, Dylan, was so amazing. I still don't get love! What the hell is it?! I didn't bother asking her, all I did was search for Trey. Luckily he stood out on edge to me, and I ran up to him awkwardly and tapped him twice on his right shoulder. "Oh, hi, Jewel," he greeted me, taking one of his ear-buds out of his ear to listen to me. 

"H-hi." I stuttered. Second day of school, let's see how this goes... 

First and second period turned out to be all right, I mean, no one can go wrong with I.T and Art, can they? I love those subjects... I've always liked drawing and being taught how to by Catholine and I quite like computers now, they kind of fascinate me, and I want to learn more about them. The best part is that Trey is in every single one of my lessons! I find that amazing, no wonder why he was chose to show me around, right? 
I felt Trey's hand brush against mine for about a minute until he sharply stopped, red in the face. "Oh, uh, sorry about that..." his words didn't come out right. What was with him? His hands were also shaking a bit. What for?
Trey was acting really strange... 

"What's wrong?" I finally asked as we were sat on the benches. I saw him flinch. 

"Oh, nothing... it's just that since you've came around I've actually made a friend, I'm not that popular, to be honest," I saw him blush again as he accidentally rest his hand over the top of mine, so that caused me to tilt my head to a side. Really, is he ill? I questioned. 

"No, really, are you OK? You're sweating, your hands are trembling and you keep blushing..." I leaned in closer to him to check his temperature by putting my hand over his brow, he flinched when I did so. "Your temperature's definitely high," I leaned back and stared at him with sad eyes. "Did you catch a fever over night?" 

"Are you serious? You think I'm ill?" Trey snapped at me, eyes boggled. I shrugged. 

"I don't know, I've only ever been around my foster carers and Anastasia..." I said that in a hushed voice, but it seemed that he heard me by his saddened facial expression. 

"Really? Were you home-schooled?" I nodded. "Damn... I'm-I'm sorry," he pulled me into a hug, which made me feel weird since it wasn't Catholine hugging me, and she's the only person who's ever hugged me, Harry only scruffs my hair up and Anastasia just acknowledges me. Trey started stroking my hair, which made my stomach go all funny, I don't know why. Was I sick too? 
When he refrained from pulling me into his embrace, he gave me a weird, yet sweet, smile. I attempted to return it, but I ended up crookedly grinning at him. "Aw, hah." Trey giggled, then before I knew it the bell sounded for third period. "Ah, it's History now, c'mon you haven't had this lesson before," he hopped off the bench and lead me to the block that had the History classes based at. 

The end of the day, finally! Trey had asked me to come over his, and I had text Catholine to tell her that I'd be at his house, and boy did her text back seem really happy. "Soo, what do you wanna do when we get there?" he asked me, his hand still brushing against mine every-so-often, and he kept blushing when he did. Really, was he ill? 
I tapped my chin twice then raised my eyebrows. 

"Do you have an Xbox or something?" I asked him, smiling for once. 

"A Wii... sue me." Trey sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets while blushing again. I chuckled. 

"Are you ill... really?" he sighed and shook his head while opening the door to his house, it actually wasn't that far away from the school, 'nor was my house, but his was almost right next to it. 

"I don't care if you take your shoes off or not, my mum doesn't mind either way. But her and my dad are out right now, work, you know how it is," he grumbled, dumping his hoodie on the floor. Catholine would kill me if I did that! I hesitated when he trudged upstairs, but I slowly followed him into his room. "There's the Wii," Trey groaned, throwing himself onto his black blanketed bed. His whole room was covered in band posters and there was clothes dumped on the floor and books scattered around on his dressers. I shrugged and laid down beside him, staring at him, his face instantly turning a light shade of pink. 

"Why do you keep blushing, Trey?" I asked him, supporting my body by leaning on my elbows while still staring at him, my black hair flopping over one of my blue eyes. 

"Is it wrong that I like you...?" he mumbled, turning a darker shade of pink. I just smiled and collapsed myself on top of him. 

"No, it isn't, silly!" I chuckled, smiling directly at him. I saw him sigh and shake his head. 

"N-Not in that way... I mean like like..." I saw him trip on some words when he said 'like like'. 

"Like like? You mean...?" I questioned, tilting my head to a side. 

"Love." he only needed to say that word to drown me in confusion. I furrowed my eyebrows together. 

"What's love?" I asked him, dumbfounded. Trey chewed down on his bottom lip and looked at me with glistening eyes. He began to trip on his words when he started explaining what it is, 

"Love is-is wh-where you m-might feel funny around a p-person... your heartbeat might skip and you might feel butterflies in your stomach... but it's where the two people will w-want to lo- no, be together forever, you know, spend their lives with each other..." I nodded. So that's why you were sweaty and why you keep blushing... wait.

"You're in love with me?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows. He nodded then sighed. 

"I can't help it. You're the first person that I've been around long enough. I've always been a quiet loner, to be honest..." I looked at him with sad eyes and shuffled around, not knowing what to say next. 
I've never had someone fall in love with me before and I've never fell in love with anybody, so I don't know how to deal with this situation. Yes, he makes me feel like I've got butterflies in my tummy at times and I have smiled in front of him (which is a big achievement), so I don't know... is this love? I don't know... maybe? "Jewel," Trey began, "I love you." I tensed up. 


"I know we've only known each other for a few days, but I can't deny it, I'm sorry, I just can't... you're so..." he pushed some hair out of the way of my eyes, "beautiful. I mean it." I turned my small frown into a smile, and laid my head against his chest. 

"Can I stay here for the night?" I asked him, voice muffled slightly. 

"As long as it's okay with your parents," Trey ran his fingers through my hair. 

"OK, I'll ask Catholine," I beamed, digging my phone out of my trouser pocket and quickly asking her, receiving a 'Yes'. I smirked. "She said yes." and before I knew it, he embraced me into a warm hug.

 I woke up with my arms curled around Trey's waist, so I just rubbed my eyes and grinned, him still fast asleep, snoring softly. I poked him in the side and giggled. "Wake up, Trey," I smiled, poking him again. He groaned and turned, swatting me away. 

"I don't wanna wake up..." he grumbled, voice muffled by the pillow he was holding. I frowned and put my lips next to his neck. 

"Wake up, please?" I begged him, breath hitting off his neck. I felt his temperature heat up as he turned to face me, our faces too close. He caressed my cheek and smiled. 

"Please?" he mocked me, coming even close, our noses now touching. I looked up at the ceiling and then nodded slowly, him bringing our lips together. This is what Anastasia and her boyfriend do... weird. It feels good, though. I like it. It's called kissing, right? Yeah, I recall it is. 
I pulled back and smiled at him. 

"I liked that," I giggled, hugging him. 

"Glad you did, cutie," he patted my back and stretched as he threw his legs over the side of the bed and yawned. He looked... what's the word... sexy. Yeah, he looked sexy. Very, actually... 

It was a Saturday, if anyone was wondering and it was now about one o'clock in the afternoon and Trey and I were hanging around the park (and only one the town had) holding hands. "You're really beautiful," Trey mentioned again, smiling and tightening his grip on my hand. I giggled. 

"No way." I retorted, smirking. He nodded. 

"You are." 


"If so, then you're beautiful in my world," he stopped walking and gazed into my eyes, us two around the same height, and leaned forward to kiss me. I liked kissing... it felt right and good, especially with Trey. He tasted sweet, really, he did. I opened my mouth for about a split second and he pushed his tongue into me, I didn't know what he was doing, but I was guessing it was apart of kissing, so I went along with it and savoured him exploring the insides of my mouth. 
When we pulled back, he was panting slightly. I smiled then paused. 

"I..." I paused and looked around, "love you." I smirked. 

"Awh," his eyes went slightly darker than the usual light, chocolate, brown eyes, which made me flinch, "I'm glad you said that," before I knew it, he held a cloth up to my nose and I was beginning to feel dizzy.

"What... did you do...?" I slurred, eventually passing out. 

I woke up in Trey's bedroom on his bed, though my hands were strapped down to his bed and I was only wearing my boxers. This began to scare me, so I began tossing and turning, but it was no use, the restrictions were made of a strong leather. "T-Trey!" I called for him, but there was nothing. "Trey! Please!" tears started rimming my eyes. 
He wandered into the room, maliciously smiling, and possessing a knife. "Trey, what are you doing? I thought you loved me, untie me, please!" I begged, warm tears now making their way down my face. 

"I'm... sorry but I've never been in love before, and I'm sure you haven't," Trey explained, sitting around my crotch area. "I really just don't want to let you go... so I just want to mark you, is that OK?" I stared at him with widened eyes. 

"What do you mean? If you're referring to sex, then I know what that is and it sounds painful as hell! Plus we're not even adults!" I screamed, crying even harder. 

"No, no, baby I don't mean that, I wouldn't even go that far, that's something for when we're a bit older," Trey pressed the knife's cool blade against my sticky skin, then looked up at me with happy eyes, filled with wonder for some unknown reason. "I-I just love you so much, it's unbelievable since we've only known each other for about three days, but it's powerful love... and I feel like I want to spend the rest of my days with you, Jewel. I love you," he began carving some words into my skin, I couldn't read them out began I had my head thrown back and myself moaning and groaning in agony, wincing and screaming. 

"It hurts, it hurts it h-hurts!" I yelped, attempting to kick around, the restrictions making me unable to do so. 

"Just one more letter, baby," Trey giggled, finishing carving the final letter into my skin permanently. "There, done!" he squealed, putting the knife down on a pile of books he had resting on one of his dressers. 

"Wh-what did you carve into my skin?" I asked him, my whole body trembling. He smiled and ran out of the room, and seconds later came running back in with a small, delicate mirror in his hands and showed me, tilting it so I would be able to see. The cut said 'You're Beautiful' and it was done pretty neat, yet quick, and there was blood leaking out of the cuts. "C-Clean it up, fast, please...?" I whimpered, still teary-eyed. He quickly nodded and ran out of the door again. 
I let my body relax, my breathing patterns still off. 

"I'll now know that you're mine whenever you take off your shirt and I see your chest," Trey kissed the 'B' and smiled up at me. "I understand the pain you just endured, you know." I raised an eyebrow. 

"How come?" I asked, shifting around, trying to get comfortable. 

"My dad used to beat me and my mum used to smash bottles over my head. Then one day, my dad decided to tie me up and beat me, then raped my weak body... I didn't like it at all, so I snapped the restrictions and ran into the kitchen, got a knife, and killed both of the assholes..." I bit my bottom lip and licked my lips. 

"I'm so sorry..." I mumbled, trying to give him a smile, which ended up looking like a broken one. Trey leaned over my body and kissed my forehead. 

"Can we live together? You don't call Catholine 'mum', so I'm guessing they're only taking care of you?" I nodded, "Ah. Well, can we?" I exhaled and looked at his big, brown eyes which were rimmed with tear droplets in advance for a 'no'. I actually do love him, so I guess when you love someone you like to spend all of your time with them? Well, I'd like to get to know him better and succeed in having a nice relationship with him for ages and as long as we possibly can keep it. He's a sweet guy, but the fact he just used a weapon on me hurts me, though he said it was to 'mark' me. I guess that's a difference to sex, right? I don't care, it kind of meant something to me... the fact he wanted to keep me as his own makes me happy, knowing that he won't betray me or 'cheat' on me as people say. I like that. 

"Yes, we can..." I beamed, Trey instantly taking my restrictions off immediately and pulling me into a tight hug. 

"Grab the stuff you need from your house and come back here... by the way, money isn't a problem since I got heaps back from my parents death, they thought it was a car crash so... you know. And plus they were pretty darn rich to begin with, that's why they could afford the alcohol without being broke," he giggled then kissed my cheek. I'd like to live with him. It sounds like a good idea. I like that idea... I want to spend the rest of my days with him. Sounds like a good plan. 

"I love you, Trey Madden..." I whispered, quiet enough so he couldn't hear. And luckily, he heard me loud and clear. 

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